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Original poster

How much allowance for 12 year old?

41 replies

Jimbellselmbath · 05/12/2020 12:26

Hello, I have 13yo with very expensive taste. No value of money whatsoever and is spoilt absolutely rotten by Dad. Talking multiple £500 coats per year, wardrobes filled with designer things still with tags on and now outgrown etc.
This cannot continue.
I was thinking we could try giving her an allowance each month and she buys all her clothes/McDonald's with friends etc with it. Any extras would need earning through chores or saving birthday money etc. See how designer she goes then.
But how much to give?
I pay £12 pm on a rolling sim contract and will still buy toiletries/school dinners/ uniforms etc.
Is £60 pm stingy? For clothes/ extras/new trainers? I put a lot on eBay a couple of times a year so would also be willing to give her any profit back from things she has bought herself.
She has asked for money for Christmas and younger sister has a list coming to around £200 so I would give her the same amount in her bank. Dh wants to get her a new iphone-£1000, its just not fair is it? She should be working for that. I have a 6 year old phone and Primark clothes head to toe and it's really irritating me now what she gets handed on a plate.

Sorry it is long- so £60? Any flaws in this plan? Haha thanks for reading if you got this far!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 05/12/2020 12:28

Sorry, I have put 12 in title, she is 12 but will be 13 in the new year when I wanted to start it, sorry for confusion!

OP posts:
babblingbrooks · 05/12/2020 12:31

I think £60 pm sounds generous to me, but sounds like it will be less than she's currently getting - so go for it Smile

sleepyhead · 05/12/2020 12:32

Sorry this is totally alien to me so I cant advise to an amount.

I guess what can your family comfortably afford to spend on clothes for her?

If she's used to getting whatever she wants then once she's spent her allowance she'll ask for more. If your dh keeps on topping her up then it will all have been pointless.

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PhylisPrice · 05/12/2020 12:33

Have you typo'd? £500 per coat and multiple ones a year? 😳

ChasingRainbows19 · 05/12/2020 12:35

I can’t speak as a parent but I was a teen. I had to complete chores as standard around the house from 10/11. Which in turn gave me a leg up when I moved out. I could look after myself and my house! We were given a little cash to do things with friends but certainly not designer clothes type money: luckily that never interested me! I also got a job at 15/16 for more of my own money.

Anyway I think you are right about her learning the value of money and that she can’t expect everything on a plate. Monetary wise I think that would depend on what you expect her to buy and what you can afford, especially with a sibling following up too, would be a good idea. I’m sure other with teenagers will share their experiences.

She hasn’t asked for the phone so I’d choose to give her the money.

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 05/12/2020 12:36

@sleepyhead

Sorry this is totally alien to me so I cant advise to an amount.

I guess what can your family comfortably afford to spend on clothes for her?

If she's used to getting whatever she wants then once she's spent her allowance she'll ask for more. If your dh keeps on topping her up then it will all have been pointless.

This is what I am worried about, £60to him is like one trainer so he's going to buy her allsorts in addition I feel. I didn't want to go in too cheap as they will laugh me out of the room but then the option is always there to earn more around the house. It is just unsustainable and younger sibling is getting of an age now where we cannot so this twice over. He is very frivolous with money, grew up dirt poor and an empty fridge so sees nothing wrong with spoiling her, I think it is turning her into a horror
OP posts:
gingercat02 · 05/12/2020 12:36

My 12 yo (boy and not materialistic at all) get £5 PAYG (2G data and unlimited calls and texts) a month and £4 a week pocket money. He only has to buy sweets/pop/chips/etc if he is out, FIFA packs/V bucks/other game crap. We still buy all clothes, shoes etc

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 05/12/2020 12:38

@PhylisPrice

Have you typo'd? £500 per coat and multiple ones a year? 😳
Not a typo, she got a para jumpers coat for school and he bought her a belstaff last week. We are tier 3, literally nowhere to go in it Angry
OP posts:
TheRubyRedshoes · 05/12/2020 12:40

How many new clothes do they need?

60 a month sounds excessive to me for a 12 year old.

I've been putting 30 a month into dd account before she had proper access to it and encouraged her to save any money she was given, save half spend half. But she never got that much...

She now has a carefully built up pot of a few hundred and a card to access it.
That's her capital and she gets what I can afford each month now, which could be 30 recently 10...

She's spent once.

It's one thing to shower with gifts but another if that stops. She will be a young adult without the financial means to sustain her expensive tastes..

It's a tricky one.

JauntyMcGinty · 05/12/2020 12:42

My DD13 gets £40 a month to cover any extras she wants other than basics so makeup, bits for her room or if she wants to go out for lunch, ice cream etc with friends. We do all normal clothing, toiletries etc. She's not materialistic and buys loads of her extra clothes in charity shops. At 13 they should be learning how to budget hence why we do it monthly but you have to be prepared to say no if they run out.

nimbuscloud · 05/12/2020 12:42

Are you living with her father? Why are you dressed in Primark clothes while he is buying her £500 coats? Do you not have access to money ?

AlwaysLatte · 05/12/2020 12:43

We buy all clothes etc for my 12 and 10 year old boys, and unlimited phone data for the oldest (youngest will get a phone for 11th birthday) but the clothes are just bog standard H&M, M&S type stuff - luckily they're not into designer gear. They get £10 a week each PM but have to wash the cars and look after the dog.

BluebirdHill · 05/12/2020 12:43

Similar to @gingercat02 here. Nearly 12 yo gets £5 a week but that's just for Starbucks, trips to the shop and that sort of thing. Partly affected by there being little to go out and do like the cinema at the moment. I think £60 is tricky as it's generous for just treats but not enough for all clothes and shoes. I would work out a separate budget monthly for her clothes and get your DH to stick to that. To be honest it's him you're going to have the problem with.

chipsandpeas · 05/12/2020 12:44

what the fuck
your DH wants to give her a 1K phone and your shopping in primark??

SendHelp30 · 05/12/2020 12:45

It depends on whether this is in tier 3 times or not and what she would be doing with friends on weekends.
How many clubs / out of school activities does she do? Take that into account.
I don’t personally feel the things you have stated are obscene as long as you can afford them but it should be joint decisions and clearly you aren’t happy with what your husband spends.

thecakebadge · 05/12/2020 12:48

The question about your daughters allowance is a red herring, you need to get to the bottom of you husbands behaviour and sort out why you are not on the same page.
Why is he making big financial decisions unilaterally without consulting you?
Do you have no say in how family money is spent?
Does he have no respect for you as the other parent and not understand how his behaviour is undermining you?
Why does he clearly want to be perceived by your daughter as the favourite parent? Does he feel guilty for something? What does he think these insanely expensive coats etc will do?
Why are you wearing primark when your daughter is in designer? Does your husband allow you access to money?
Whether you give her £20, £60 or £200 a month, these issues are not going to be resolved

RedskyAtnight · 05/12/2020 12:49

Would it be better to say that you'll buy basic clothing and if she wants to top up then she has to pay out of her allowance? If she's expected to buy all clothing out of an allowance you need to make a realistic estimate of how many clothes she'll need in a year. Especially if she is still growing.

Also at 12 she may not be socialising much (and Covid is obviously curtailing this!) but she's likely to start doing this soon, and if this also comes out of her allowance you need to think about things like the price of a cinema ticket and/or going to McDonalds/Costa with her friends. I think £60 might be tight to cover even basic necessary clothes if things like socialising/presents/random extras come out of that as well. And if you're going to go down the "everything comes out of her allowance" route, then you don't want to have to keep making exceptions.

Also - what sort of money do her friends have? (When it was allowed) DD would happily mooch round the shops with her friends but none of them have money to splash about so she'd either buy nothing or something like a £5 top from Primark - which is all her friends would expect so nothing out of the ordinary. If her friends have more money/expensive tastes, you will have more of a struggle.

I think getting dad on side is the main issue though. At the moment, it sounds like if you do this, she'll just get her allowance and still everything bought for her on top.

MoMoxX · 05/12/2020 12:50

Hey,

I’m Mum or two boys aged 7 & 14, both get £40 allowance/pocket money a week, only due to the fact that both are so well behaved.

No offence but if my boys were anything like your daughter, they wouldn’t get anything at all.

No value of money whatsoever and is spoilt absolutely rotten by Dad

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/12/2020 12:51

I can't figure out if you are together or not ?

Inthunk you and Dh need to come to an agreement.

I think she sounds awful the dact you regularly ebay her cloths suggests she has far too much and like you say not even anywhere to go.

My friends Ds was like this. It really didn't make him a nice boy.

Viviennemary · 05/12/2020 12:56

It dooesnt sound as if she needs anything from you as she doesn't seem to be appreciating what she has already.

Rockbird · 05/12/2020 12:56

My dd1 is also 13 in the new year. I pay £9 p/m for her phone contract, she is getting a new phone for Christmas but only because it worked out well with me selling my phone for an upgrade.

In terms of money she currently gets £15 p/m and I buy all clothes etc. When this current shitstorm is over and we can return to normality then I'll increase her pocket money as she was just starting to meet up with friends for shopping and Starbucks etc. But it won't be £60 p/m, no bloody way!

JauntyMcGinty · 05/12/2020 12:58

@MoMoxX

Hey,

I’m Mum or two boys aged 7 & 14, both get £40 allowance/pocket money a week, only due to the fact that both are so well behaved.

No offence but if my boys were anything like your daughter, they wouldn’t get anything at all.

No value of money whatsoever and is spoilt absolutely rotten by Dad

A week? Is that right?!
RosebudMotel · 05/12/2020 13:01

My DS is 12. He gets £5 a week and his phone paid (sim only, a fiver a month). I buy all his clothes so it's just for Xbox stuff and anything extra he wants.

He likes his football boots and trainers etc so when he gets new ones, I pay up to £50 a pair. If he wants ones that are more expensive, he has to pay the difference. Same with clothes, I'll pay around £15 for a T-shirt, if he wanted a designer one he would have to make up the difference.

He earns extra money through chores and sometimes if he gets very good marks at school.

AldiAisleofCrap · 05/12/2020 13:01

At 13 my older dd’s had a phone paid £8 a month and £25 pocket money. Now at 16 dd has £10 a week l/£43 plus phone paid. If she wants designer clothes expensive trainers she pays the difference eg I will pay £50/£60 for trainers if she needs some and she can top it up. If she doesn’t need new trainers she would have to pay the full amount.

AldiAisleofCrap · 05/12/2020 13:01

*£43 a month