If you are close to your siblings, what do you attribute that to?

[Zeetah]

If you’re close to your siblings, why do you think that is?
Was there anything your parents did to help you forge a great relationship?

I’m not close to mine at all. Admittedly we are very different personalities, but also growing up we all just did our own thing and we didn’t really do many fun family activities, eg we stopped going on family holidays or day trips once we were out of primary school, we never did anything like family film & takeaway nights, cinema trips, camping, or participate in any sports or activities together.

Good idea for a thread. I'm interested to know this too.

My mum left when we were kids and ripped us apart. We reconnected as young adults, and are close now

I am very close to my brother- we spend lots of time together, even more now he has kids (am close to my sister in law too). As kids our parents didn’t do much in the way of holidays trips out etc, as we didn’t have much money, but lots of walks to the park and movies nights.

I think we just like enough of the same things (cooking, music, films, books), they are great with my girls and I love their kids and help out (when allowed) and our partners get along too - there’s nothing I can relate to our upbringing - I’m just lucky

I was close to my brother growing up and into my early 20s. I think mainly because we just simply got on with each other.
He then moved about 5-6hrs away and started his own family. His interest in keeping in contact began to dwindle. Now, we still get on but I feel like we only have surface conversations as we don't spend much time together. It's a real shame and I'm not sure how to improve the situation.

Shared trauma

I lost my sibling about 5 years ago and miss him every day.

Our family was close knit on both my parents side with both of them close to their siblings so it was kind of modelled behaviour.

We had complimentary personalities and were both fairly easy going. We had the same sense of humour (which was the same as my dads too). We had some stuff in common so enjoyed doing some stuff together.

As adults we didn't see each other very often as he lived in a different country but when we did we snapped right back into our teenage relationship

What I have realised since I lost him was the importance of communality of experience. He knew better than anyone what my childhood was like and shared that. No one else shared jokes and stories like I did with him and that's what kept us close.

Partly luck: shared sense of humour, similar political views. None of us being competitive and all working in different fields. Having a mum who genuinely adored us all and accepted all of us for who we are, not expectations of who we should be. We grew up with a lot of freedom, love and patience. Middle sibling is a great peace keeper and he kind of looked after his older and younger sibling.

My parents never played favourites so there was no rivalry. There is an age gap of 6 years between me and my elder sister and my brother is 2 years younger than me. So that probably helped.
We used to go to the football together every weekend. As we got older we stayed close, we all settled down around the same time and our partners all got on too. I think we are all quite nice easygoing people, none of us tend to have big fall outs with people.

funtimefrank's story is incredibly sad but lovely that you had that relationship.

My dc are very close, particularly the youngest two, a brother and sister as there is only 13 months between them.

Great idea for a thread and I'm interested to see different reasons.

I only have one older brother and we've never got on which is a source of huge sadness to me (but not him, haha).

He's 18months older and our mum told me when I was 7 ish that he'd never liked me. I was frequently the one blamed for him getting in trouble because I'd either 'wound him up' so he lashed out or I'd encouraged him to do something he wouldn't have thought of himself!

I was NEVER allowed to talk to his friends or girlfriends, he doesn't allow me to speak to his wife now. Our mum still has to appease him and tends to 'divide and conquer' by slagging us off to each other.

It really makes me sad and I'm envious of close families. I think my life - and mental health - would have been very different if we'd got along.

We do have a dad - he worked away for long periods growing up, my brother was left to 'be the man of the house' and he certainly was.

Good question. The topic caught my eye as I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

One thing I have always observed is thst families in which either the parents didn't get along well and/or where there was some form of dysfunctional dynamic going on (parenting style, favouritism, codependency, emotional or other types of abuse) the children have more tendency to drift apart or become estranged as adults, especially when they start their own families.

I think that we tend to take our sibling relationships for granted when we are younger, because they are always around us. But as you get older, leave home, married then you need to become more thoughtful and give more effort and priority to these relationships, just as you would with any other. Things can get complicated when partners arrive on the scene as it can affect the sibling dynamic a lot, especially if the partner doesn't get along with the rest of the family.

My parents didn't really let us sort out disagreements amongst ourselves, my mum would step in every time. This really didn't foster good relationships between my siblings and I, and one sibling was favoured and defended whatever happened, which felt very unfair. Once we left home, we became closer as my parents were not there to interfere. My sisters and I are very close now.

We never did any of those things as a family either OP. My sister and I are just exactly the same person. We definitely influenced each other massively growing up, shaped one another’s interests, opinions and ideologies and as a result are just the same person twice. When we were 18/19 we used to go clubbing together just the two of us, and everyone used to comment how crazy we were that they couldn’t believe you’d go on a night out with your sister. With there only being a year between us we even had overlapping friendship groups as kids and are now part of the same group of friends.
We have a brother 12 years older, and I’d say that’s more of a normal sibling relationship. He left home before we were even teenagers, so even though we get on well and enjoy company, there just isn’t the same connection there. I love seeing him at Christmas and a few times over the year though, and am besotted by his little boy who I probably see more than him.

I'm close to my brother. We were never encouraged to do shared things together. He's 7 years younger, and so we were never ever competitive with each other growing up. It helps that he's a lovely person.

We don't have shared friends due to the age gap, and also our children are different ages. We just get on when we are together.

We both also know to bite our tongue. Sometimes I'm not that keen on his wife, but I never say a word.

A good idea for a thread. Something I've always wondered about. I'm not close to my siblings at all. I think it is due to parenting style. Also we never did any family activities together. I'm envious of people who are close to their siblings and wish I was close to mine. Have actually had various colleagues ask am I am only child as I never talk about them!

Only have one child at the minute but if we are lucky enough to have another I hope that I can encourage them to have a good relationship. Obviously different personalities might affect that. but I want to do my best

Like you, I’m not close to my siblings, and I put it down to there simply not being enough of anything to go round — money, space, food, parental attention — when we were growing up. We weren’t in enormous want, but we were poor and it was a badly overcrowded household where we were all permanently on top of one another and competing for scarce resources. Our shared memories aren’t particularly happy. As we grew up, we all went our separate ways. Which I know saddens my parents, but they’re reaping the consequences of not ever asking themselves how many children they could afford financially and emotionally.

Nothing but multiple fall outs within my. Must be inherited characteristic I'm not close to siblings or mother. Obvious favouritism but denied by mother. Now I know how not to parent.

My sister is my best friend.
Our Mum brought us up as a single parent for about 10 years, we have different Dads so had very different separate stuff as well.
We had massive callings out as teenagers, who doesn't!
I am so pleased we are really close, our DC are really close as cousins and my BIL is like my DB.

My brothers are 7&10 years younger than me;sadly my parents would often leave to parent them;at 10 I'd be forced to wash up the entire last 24 hours pots&wash,sterilise and make up my brothers formula bottles;at just turned 13 I'd be left to look after my brothers whilst my mum went to work in the evenings;I'd be left to cook,dinner,bath and put them to bed&then get to the honour of doing the washing up.

My lazy turd of a father would catch a bus to my mums work and sit outside in the car in the car park so he didn't have to deal with my younger brothers at home.I have a 13 year DD;she'd be far too young to cook dinner and do the evening routine for a 3&6 year old.

At weekends they'd go out and I'd be expected to drop everything I was doing to babysit yet again.I left home at 18 because I was sick of being treated as a free nanny.

After leaving home my relationship has remained close with my brothers,they spent a lot of time at my house as teenagers to get away from my controlling parents.My eldest DS is only 10 years younger than my youngest brother and they have a fantastic relationship;my kids have a great relationship in general with their uncles;my brothers have stepped in to "grandparent" my kids as my own parents aren't particularly interested in them;they just throw money/expensive presents at my kids instead.I think they'd rather have a functioning set of grandparents tbh.

I have one sibling, my sister, who is eight years older than me.

Our mother struggled for four years with breast cancer and died at age 45. My sister was 18 and I was 10. Our father had to throw himself into working in order to keep a roof over our heads and pay bills and because he was grieving. He sort of left my sister to look after me. Thankfully, my mother had five sisters who helped us both along the way but it has always been us two against the world.

Our father became terminally ill 10 years ago and we took it in turns to look after him until his death. It was a difficult time because it was the first time grief hit us completely differently and for five years, we hardly spoke. But now, despite us living thousands of miles from each other, we are close again. I text her every day and she calls me once a week to chat and be silly.

I always wonder if we would be as close as we are with such a large age difference and living most of our lives far away from each other had our mother not died in 1981.

I'm close to my DBro because we have some interests in common so we can yabber on geekily about them for hours and not get bored.

With DSis although we have very little in common and don't speak that often, I feel emotionally close because she is a very wise person and often sees things in a very different way from me, nearly always helpfully. Also, we didn't have an easy childhood and we have bonded a bit later in life trying to make sense of it and the impact it had on us.

Close to both brothers . I am in the middle. Would choose them as my friends if we weren't related.

We didn't do family things particularly growing up . All in our 50s now. There wasn't money for family holidays , think we only ever went on two. I put it down to a great mum - dad died when we were in our teens.
Our mother is definitely not 'touchy feely' as from a different generation but shows her love in different ways. Her great strength has been not ever showing favouritism and never being pushy. Accepting us for who we are. .. so we never felt the need to compete against each other.

Also a fantastic grandmother. Knew the exact balance between help and interference.

My siblings are genuinely kind and supportive. Without the need to be in each other's pockets but when hard times hit - we will pick each other up.

I am delighted to say that my own children have the same relationship with each other. Not once, ever have they fought with or been mean to each other. Call each other often and adore each other.

Life has been occasionally quite tough - so I have always been so thankful for this family harmony and having seen the sadness and upset caused by a dear friends family fractures I would have this happiness above any monetary or material advantage.

It's a huge blessing that I never take for granted.

My big brother and little sister are just really, really, really lovely people. Much nicer than me.