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Original poster

If you are close to your siblings, what do you attribute that to?

67 replies

Zeetah · 03/12/2020 22:24

If you’re close to your siblings, why do you think that is?
Was there anything your parents did to help you forge a great relationship?

I’m not close to mine at all. Admittedly we are very different personalities, but also growing up we all just did our own thing and we didn’t really do many fun family activities, eg we stopped going on family holidays or day trips once we were out of primary school, we never did anything like family film & takeaway nights, cinema trips, camping, or participate in any sports or activities together.

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/12/2020 23:11

There's a very big age gap between me and my sibling, I left home when he was 4 (partly because I was used as an unpaid nanny, though I adored him).

It took being at the same 'stage' for us to connect properly as adults - I had DC fairly late, he was fairly young so we just sort of met in the middle. We are very close now but we are very different. I think that helps, actually. We absolutely are each other's champion though, we want the best for each other in every way. And we see our parents through similar lenses, which helps.

Frdsa3 · 03/12/2020 23:12

Very small age gap between my brother and I.
Mostly I think it's because we're very similar in terms of personality and temperament. He's also genuinely the nicest man I know.
We played together a lot as kids, drifted apart a little as teens but then became close again in our early 20's. I have to attribute some of the success to my ExH to be fair. DB was horribly bullied as a teen. ExH (who I got together with when I was 16, DB was 17) really took him under his wing and they forged a great friendship which did my DB's confidence the world of good. I still feel guilty that in the breakdown of my marriage my DB lost his best friend (he felt too awkward realising ExH wasn't as good to me as he was to him!)

Frdsa3 · 03/12/2020 23:13

Sorry, I thought I'd put paragraphs in there!

HeronLanyon · 03/12/2020 23:15

My siblings and I were not partic close as kids - all different and different I retests/activities. Lots of travel together.
Death of both parents has brought us much closer now in a good supportive way.

JamMakingWannaBe · 03/12/2020 23:18

Not close to one sibling. Very close to other because we both despised the same older sibling growing up.

sicknote26 · 03/12/2020 23:18

Very close to all my siblings. We see or speak to each other daily, we go on holiday together and socialise together. Growing up we all had our own mates but now we do loads as a family. We where all born within 10yrs so not really close in age.

Pootle40 · 03/12/2020 23:18

Like someone else said - a sense of camaraderie from shared trauma. Identical sense of humour.....can wet ourselves laughing - figuratively speaking! The loss of both parents and wanting to be there for each other. We like a lot of similar topics that we can talk about for hours.

123rd · 03/12/2020 23:19

Hmm go weeks between contact with 2 of them. NC with one. Have had shared trauma but didn't bring us together.
Just don't really have a huge amount in common with each other - part from being family. But things are fine between the two I do speak to

sicknote26 · 03/12/2020 23:20

Sorry posted too soon, my mum died when we where all young so we always supported each other, I think that has helped us stay close

Titsywoo · 03/12/2020 23:20

I was close to my brothers until I became a teenager and from then I was so busy with friends (and didn't get on with my mum) that I drifted from my family. Dd is less close to her brother now she is a teen (actually he just annoys her) even though she spends a lot of time here (more in her bedroom than with us though). I think maybe the teen years are a bit of a tipping point for sibling relationships. I have friends who are close to their siblings but usually their families are all incredibly close (including aunts, uncles etc). My parents fell out with all their siblings by the time I was early 20s. Not a great example I guess!

minipie · 03/12/2020 23:28

DH is close to his brother. They have a small age gap, went to the same schools at the same time, and are naturally very similar with the same aims and interests.

I’m not close to my sister despite my mum trying to encourage us to get on. We’re 5 years apart, very different and I’m cross at how much she leans on my unwell parents.

I don’t think family outings make much difference tbh, it’s about innate personalities and perhaps whether the parents’ behaviour caused resentment or not.

Shouldershrugger · 03/12/2020 23:32

I have 2 brothers and a sister. Im the eldest. I was 11, db was 7 and 2 and ds was 6. We were made homeless due to our unequal and illiterate parents being too trusting towards a family member. Our dm was and still is very toxic. We supported and still support each other and have developed and strengthened a really close bond from that. We can laugh at ourselves and at each other. Especially at each other. We've learnt to compromise and respect one another too. Hasn't been easy, but each of us in our way, have earnt those qualities from each other. Don't get me wrong, we still have arguments, but it never lasts. I only hope we remain like this for the rest of our time together.

Anotherdayanothernewname · 03/12/2020 23:47

I have 3 sisters. 1 twin (identical) 1 14 months older and one 8 years younger. My twin is my best friend. We do a lot together, live near each other, our kids go to the same school an we have a really strong bond.

We're close to older DSis but don't see her as often, although we all chat every day (whatsapp groups) but the 3 of us shared a bedroom growing up so were always together, chatting into the night, only 1 school year apart.

Younger DSis, we weren't as close to due to the age gap, we'd all moved out as she was hitting the teenage years. She's now 23 and we're much, much closer, she's still our baby sister and there will always be the big sister/little sister vibe, whereas with twin it's genuine friendship, but we're all always there for each other, there's always one of us around if another one needs something. I feel really, really lucky.

Have 3 DD's of my own and they're growing up to be best friends (for now!) too, really hope they have a similar relationship with each other.

Porridgeoat · 04/12/2020 00:00

I had no alone time with parents. Every second was them with a hoard of children.

Mwnci123 · 04/12/2020 00:03

I am one of four and we are close. I used to think all siblings were, and when I realised that they aren't I thought maybe it's because our parents had a very acrimonious divorce.
I'm not sure about that now. I think maybe it's just compatible personalities and values, along with one sibling in particular who arranges a lot of social stuff for the extended family. I'd be lost without them really.

corythatwas · 04/12/2020 00:54

Lots of happy small family memories: little things that went wrong, small adventures, things to laugh about. All 4 of us feeling equally loved by our parents, so no competitiveness there. All 4 feeling equally accepted. Parents who had plenty of time both for all of us together and for alone time.

Porridgeoat · 04/12/2020 01:58

No 1:1 time with parents meant we all argued for attention. Religious parents who didn’t value me and cast in the role of black sheep for being normal

shamalidacdak · 04/12/2020 02:46

Great childhood with a fun outdoor life. Mother who took us everywhere and made our time fun- beaches, pools, parties, lots of friends. We always holiday together so all the cousins are close too. We all get along, and enjoy each other's company. There's 8 of us and we speak or WhatsApp every day even though we live on 3 different continents.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/12/2020 03:06

My mother didn’t really get on with any of her 4 siblings - there was often carping and sniping.

So when she used to say she was happy that the 4 of us got on, we’d say, ‘Well, we didn’t want to be like your lot - talk about the awful warning!’

SimplySteveRedux · 04/12/2020 03:50

Shared trauma and emotional abuse "bonded" (more like emotionally forced me to be so as he was relevant to the abuse) us as children. He was also the quintessential golden child.

As adults, we barely talk (40s now, 7 years difference), and his comments are always laced with barbed abuse. He's also an abusive, racist, misogynistic cunt. It's not much of a stretch for me to say I utterly detest him, hate even. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire. Getting riled up even typing this!

Untrained · 04/12/2020 04:10

I’m the eldest of three sisters. I was close to my youngest sister when she was little but not since she went off to uni and then moved to the other end of the country. Her life and lifestyle is very different to mine although we still love each other very much. My middle sister is my best friend now but when we were younger we fought like cat and dog! We have similar views on stuff and are quite alike, although she’s a fabulous wife and Mum whereas I’m neither!

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 04/12/2020 06:06

I moved out of the family home at 16 for numerous horrible reasons, I have several younger siblings and have no relationship with any of them really. They are much younger than me and had a very different upbringing to the one I had.

My older step sister was witness to what I endured, and I'm very close to her.

Clockstop · 04/12/2020 06:10

Well my DB and I are not close. I attribute that to my parents always separating our activities - doing a day trip for him and I had to be dragged along and be accused of ruining it for him, and vice versa. Like you op we never had family games or movie nights We get along ok but only really speak a few times a year.

justanotherneighinparadise · 04/12/2020 06:16

I can tell you a great way to make sure they avoid each other as adults. Let the older one ‘look after’ the younger one from a really early age. Let the older one bully the younger one and don’t step in and try and figure out what’s going on, just ignore the whole thing.

StarlightLady · 04/12/2020 06:34

Becsuse of Dad’s job, most of my teenage years were spent living in France. I think being away from the UK brought sister (3 years older tham me) and l close together. She was my guiding advice light as a teenager with schoolwork, fashion, makeup and all things to do with sex. We are still very close.

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