Parent help please?? Nursery diagnosing DD

[SleepDeprived2018]

I don’t know if anyone has been in this postion and has any advice or suggestions ? I will try not to drip feed. My DD is two she attends nursery 3.5 days a week. She doesn’t talk – she does make noises babbles . She started her current nursery in the summer as her previous nursery closed down due to covid. She has started biting other children and staff – she does this multiple times a day and they have now told me that it has become a really big issue and that they think she has ‘SEN issues’ . She doesn’t bite at home – she has in the past but this is multiple times daily at nursery. I asked why they think this means SEN could it not be that she is frustrated that she cant yet communicate as she isn’t speaking - they feel it is more than this. I have taken her to audiology she passed. We are waiting for speech and language to asses her at nursery . I called to speak to nursery to ask for more info and anything I could do to help . I asked what she was like in nursery if there was any pattern to her behaviour does she have any friends or inteact much with children – they said no she avoids children and said this isn’t normal at her age. They said she only enjoys sensory play and will not partake in anything else (water play,playdough,silk scarfs etc) at home she likes to play with dolls and trains etc but they said no she never does this in nursery.
She said the biting is becoming so much of an issue they may have to ask her to leave the nursery .
I don’t know what to do . im out of my mind with stress – nursery are going to refer her to paediatrics via two year check.
Can anyone tell me of any kind of similar experiences they have had??
The nursery manager said to me on Monday ‘I have a lot of experience of SEN so I know whats happening here!’ I was shocked as shes obviously not qualified to say this – I asked ‘ are you saying you think dd has SEN ?’ she said ‘I am yes’ I said sorry so you are saying she has SEN? She said yes – my hsband was 3m away by the car so he came over I said can you repeat that for my husband please so you just said you believe DD has SEN? She said no I never said that! Husband heard her say this 3 times so strange that she then denied it - I think she knew that was beyond her scope. I totally understand expressing concerns and communicating but I feel she did over step the mark there.

What can I do to help my DD?

Feel like ive maybe offended some people judging from the replies - i never intended to and im sorry if i have.

The manager has only worked there just under two months an said she has no direct contact with DD. We had this conversation when i was picking DD up - she answered the door with ‘shes been on a right rampage this morning!!! Shes bit two children!!’ There was no hello or could we have a chat jt was just as if she was angry. I was caught off guard by the conversation and her then bringing up sen so out of the blue and informal for a conversation i feel would need more support and information.

Not meaning to upset / offend anyone. Just a really worried mum who wanted some advice

She is my first so i have nothing to compare to and i perhaps niavely thought the biting was frustration due to speech delay

Nursery haven't diagnosed your dd with anything op. They're just making the observation that she doesn't present as a typical 2 year old to them. If she needs more support and intervention than usual then she does have SEN in the sense that her needs are different.

It’s so hard. Nursery and teachers really are in such a hard spot. They deal with parents. Often parents don’t want to hear the bad stuff. I realise you just want to help her

So start ringing. Ring the speech therapist. See if you can forward it along. Work together with the nursery. Find out how they feel you can help them. If you need to keep nails short sort of thing. Though she seems to bite. Sadly they have to risk assess. They feel that her risk to others is too great. So she might have to leave. There are SEN schools.

Ring your gp. Ring your health visitor. Ask for a referral to a pead dr. Check things that way

All in all. You’re doing great. Xx

The biting may be frustration due to speech delay op, can you perhaps request a meeting with the nursery SENDCO?

It was a shock to you but please do consider whether the setting (or any nursery setting) is the right one and get in touch with your HV and GP to set the wheels in motion for any assessments etc.

Op i would also enquire if the nursery are keeping a log of biting incidents to see if there is a trigger, is it a certain time of day / area of the room / is it when the room is busy etc

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE they do keep a log and say there is no pattern to it - they said 50% of the time its if a child takes a toy or pushes her but the other 50% is totally random and not mood dependant.
The nursery she attended untill june she never bit - to clarify i am not saying in anyway it is nurserys fault. Its is a slightly busier room i did ask if they feel she gets overwhelmed they said no they dont think so. She is very sociable with adults would hug or kiss anyone given the chance

If she wasnt suitable for nursery what do i do?? Has anybody been in that position??

I cant afford not to work xx

I thought she sounded fairly normal tbh. Mine have all been late talkers, they had a few sounds/words by 2 but not a lot. Many play with different things at home and school, and the biting could be all sort of things.

I'm not sure the relationship with the nursery sounds great tbh, I'd be looking at moving her.

OP, I've been where you are, luckily the nursery my daughter attended were so supportive and kind, they helped me enormously, but I was lucky. it doesn't sound like your nursery are being so kind to you..answering the door with a list of what she's done that day is not the way to communicate issues. Like others have said, book your GP or Health visitor and ask to be referred to a Developmental Paediatrician. We actually went private at first as we wanted to know what we might be dealing with, the doctor we saw advised us on all the next steps to take, the best money I've ever spent.
Head over to the special needs boards if you'd like to chat with other mums who've been through it and I wish you all the best, you are not alone and you don't know anything for sure yet so try not to worry

You could look at a child minder? I would be perhaps asking if the incidents occur when the room is busy. Do they ever occur during small group activities?

I've been where you are with both of mine, one nursery dealt with it privately and respectfully and the other did very similar to yours and even pointed out that he was "probably Autistic".

I have no issue with them offering guidance and support but I do think these things need to be handled with appropriate language, attitude and care. It's hard hearing that your child isn't conforming with normative expectations and in your case displaying behaviours that suggest she is struggling with something in that setting and the manager should be more empathetic in this situation.

I work with children with various SN and one of mine is Autistic - yes, I can often spot signs in undiagnosed children but I wouldn't voice them as fact.

@IndecentFeminist can i ask what helped bring your kids on with talking? Feel like ive tried everything x

@Kaydogsdinner thank you for your reply! I will chase and see what wait times are like and look at going private too - how expensive was that in your experience? I understand that this will vary x

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE yes i will look into childminders too! I just wonder if they should at least wait for speech and language to come out first as its through her current nursery and she will be assessed there x

@PinGwyn thank you for your reply xx
Can i ask - what things should i be looking out for? Just so new to this x

Honestly I’d be biting their hand off with the offer of opinion and to refer.

No one was interested in my concerns. My son wasn’t diagnosed until after he was 10 by which point he’d had so many issues with being bullied in school

I would be requesting an actual sit down meeting with her keyworker and the nursery SENDCO. SALT can take a long time. They could / should be looking at ways to help her between now and then.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun i am - ive been asking for help since not long after she started in june - but at this point i thought it was just speech and she had never bit a child. Ive reached out to people - ive spoken to health visitor who wasn’t particularly interested- i will escalate this. I want nothing more than to help my dd x

@LaLaLandIsNoFun im sorry you had to struggle to get help for your son

I have also been in the position of having a non verbal biter at 2 years old. Nursery sometimes called me 5 times a day to say that my son had bitten, the difference is the nursery were very happy to work through it- they felt a lot of it was down to being slow to develop his speak and he just lashed out.
He had exceptionally large tonsils which was delaying his speech, after an operation and speech therapy he has started school at 4 and doing so well. His speech is still slightly delayed but he can make himself clear now.
Just to give you the view that my son did exactly this and has no diagnosed SEN

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE so at the minute she doesnt have a keyworker. Basically - the old manager left very suddenly about 8 wks ago - and since the staff have all left one by one. Its now a few apprentices - the new manager - and the lady i spoke to today i think she is the SENDCO - she was very lovely and said we could sit down to chat but there wasnt much more to say untill any refferals had gone through. X

@white66 so glad to hear your son is doing well at school now - it is such a worry!

Can i ask how you discovered it was his tonsils? X

There’s PLENTY to say.

What are the nursery going to do to support your DD? What strategies do they suggest? What can you do to support at home?

Them just sitting there saying ‘we can’t manage’ isn’t good enough

@SleepDeprived2018 he snored very loud! Looking at them in his mouth they just seemed far too big, he never got tonsillitis so it wasn’t really taken seriously until I explained and recorded how bad his snoring was. They referred us for sleep study and he was found to have apnoea from them