Stripper at a bachelorette party-yes or no?

[sunshineinmyheart]

Hey Ladies,

Just a light-hearted post. I've noticed that lots of women are against their partner having a stripper at his bachelorette party(visa-versa but I havent seen examples though) . I personally don't have a problem but I wonder if I am missing something?? Its even in TV shows where its a big no-no. DH was taken to a strip club where he had few drinks and then left to have dinner. His opinion of the whole thing is a shrug.

So what do you think?

The fanny owners get the money I mean - otherwise that probably make the man concerned a gynaecologist

I would be devastated if a friend arranged for a stripper to be at my bachelorette party. Not my taste at all. I’d walk out.

I’d prefer my future husband to share my values in this area and not be party to anything sleazy at his bachelor party. I find the whole men who go to strippers/lapdancers/sex workers and watch porn etc a massive turn off and I’d struggle to have respect for any man (or woman) who currently did that sort of thing. I’d genuinely rather be single than have a relationship with someone like that and don’t give a flying fuck if anyone on here sees me as a “Pearl clutcher” because of it.

Saw some old photos (early 80s) from a stag party a few weeks ago.
My first thought was thank god we've all moved on from this kind of thing.
I'm open minded but it looked so forced and uncomfortable. Woman in just stockings and suspenders all hunched up and embarrassed . The man looked like he was going to be sick with anxiety. Possibly the least enjoyable night of his life.
Bleugh.

Y'know, apart from being incredibly, incredibly grim, it's also rather heteronormative...

To the posters who are saying they don't care because their husbands can't touch the strippers, would you be ok with your husbands giving money to other women in exchange for seeing them naked as long as they don't touch them? For example a woman from work or someone down the pub?

DH's mates got him a strippergram for his stag night, even though they knew I was very anti - I'd actually said to them please don't. It was held in a bar/restaurant near both our offices which we both used regularly so they all knew me in there. I was beyond furious, had a complete meltdown when I found out. I knew that DH would find it embarrassing and I felt it was disrespectful to me as well. DH made sure his mates knew how i had reacted, and there were a lot of sheepish faces when we next met - to be fair they did apologise.

Funnily enough it was one of the other wives who asked me if I'd got over my sense of humour bypass (but she was a silly cow anyway). I got my own back on her by scrubbing her and her bloke off the wedding invite list - petty, but made me feel better.

No.

Why would I want to be marrying someone who thought it was ok? It's gross.

100% No.

I have no issue with it and I booked a stripper foe my friends hen do. Unfortunately no matter how sexy he tried to me, his socks and greying underpants ruined the show but made us laugh like Hyenas. I’ve also been to see the chippendales etc.

I don’t have an issue with strippers, as long as I’m comfortable that the woman is happy doing what she’s doing so employed via a reputable route. I really don’t get the angst. As long as all parties are happy then no issues from me.

@WilheldivaHater

To the posters who are saying they don't care because their husbands can't touch the strippers, would you be ok with your husbands giving money to other women in exchange for seeing them naked as long as they don't touch them? For example a woman from work or someone down the pub?

What an odd question, I’ve never met someone at work or down the pub who offers to show folks themselves naked for money. I assume you have and hence the question?

I would not marry someone who thought this was acceptable.

To me it doesn’t bother me at all

@Bluntness100 it's not really an odd question I'm asking if it's ok for their husbands (or themselves) to use financial means to gain access to someone's body in any situation, or is there a line for them?

Say their DH went to an escort/ prostitute and paid to look at them naked. Is that different or is that still ok as long as there's no touching.

Tacky.

No, it's grim.

I don't have any friends myself and when I married Dh his sister was incredulous that I wouldn't be having a hen night. She wanted to arrange one with all her friends who I'd never met and she insisted there would be a stripper as it was "traditional". She wanted the whole plastic Penis straws thing and it caused many arguments when I did not want any of it. She's never forgiven me. She's odd.

Dh didn't have a stag do. But his quite twatty friends at the time would have got a stripper. When I met Dh he was very much with his sister view that that sort of thing was traditional.

I asked him one day, that why if you were going to marry someone you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with, would you celebrate that by looking at another woman's naked body? He didn't have an answer but he thought about it and said he'd never thought about it before, but yes, it was actually ridiculous.

SIL is getting married early next year. Am praying for restrictions to last so I can get out of going to a "traditional" hen do. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap.

Definite no for both (stag/hen)

OH went to a stag do for someone he worked with. He came home fairly early and when I asked why said that the group had gone on to a pub with strippers so he and one of the others had slipped out and had a curry then come home. I told him it was just as well as if he wanted to see women naked or in sexy lingerie he had a wife at home to look at. He just sniggered and said when was the last time you wore sexy lingerie and went to bed.

The whole dynamic to me is weird. So you sit with your friends and watch a naked woman. Isn’t it degrading for her to be the only one naked when the men are dressed? Just mortifying. Surprised it still happens seems very old fashioned Benny Hill type thing.

@MsTSwift you'd think it would be mortifying all round.

I remember years ago I worked at a large company as a temp. One of the managers was getting married and all the "lads" in the office went.

They all sat as watched and jeered as their boss licked cream off a strippers boobs and then got a blow job.

I mean, awkward?! No, they all seemed to think it was the best night ever.

Ugh. No.

@UsernameN0Tavailable

Do you mean bachelor party, as in what is usually called a stag do?

My problem would not be with him looking at other women or jealousy, but discovering that I had agreed to marry someone who saw womens bodies as a purchasable object and form of entertainment. I couldn't respect him after that.

Exactly. It’s frankly silly that this gets framed as female jealousy, when the very obvious issue is both that you’ve discovered you’re marrying someone who sees women’s bodies as commodities, and that he and his friends are perpetuating an industry that may start with a strippogram but covers a spectrum which includes trafficked women forced to prostitution themselves to men who think consent can be bought.

Framing it as jealousy is a very obvious attempt to belittle the actual issue.

I would be disappointed in dh if he enjoyed going to a strip club, lap dancing bar, having a stripper at a stag do, etc. Fortunately it's never been something he's been interested in and, as far as I know has never been. I've no reason to distrust him and we've been together since we were teens so it's likely to have come out by now if he had been. On the last stag do he went on some blokes did go to one but he and a couple of others just headed off for a curry as they weren't interested. I believe him.

Likewise I wouldn't be interested in seeing a stripper or going to those kind of places myself. I know some women seem to enjoy it but it's definitely not for me and would make excuses to do something else to avoid it.

I find the whole thing really tacky and quite unpleasant, especially when you consider the age and vulnerability of those generally involved.

I also do wonder about men who enjoy watching another man interact with a naked woman, it’s a bit weird

@Hoppinggreen

I also do wonder about men who enjoy watching another man interact with a naked woman, it’s a bit weird

Not surprised. They get together and watch porn as a group activity. It's like they're a different species at times.

I can't imagine calling half a dozen women and saying hey, bring beer and I'll stick Debbie Does Dallas on.

(Namalt blah blah)

I wouldn't be happy with it. I wouldn't be happy with my partner visiting a strip club full stop.
I wouldn't see a male stripper either. My sister is a stripper, and it's true, they can't touch them, the security is high and my sister says she always feels safe, wether they can touch or not is irrelevant to me.

I had a dodgy ex and some stags he went on the stripper had sex in public with all the men there I kid you not. Best not to be naive about this.