Friends DH attempted suicide

[Frenchfancy]

What can I do to help her?

I am in your friends situation, husband still in hospital and the friends that did reach out are the ones I am most grateful to. Most people say "please let me know if there's anything I can do" which although very kind I'm not sure what they're prepared to do. So someone saying "let me pick up your kids after school tomorrow" or dropping off a meal was the most appreciated thing. I don't particularly want to talk about the details to anyone and I've also really appreciated the ones that acknowledged what I was going through but had other things to talk about to keep the conversation elsewhere as sometimes you just need distraction.

A good friend shows their love by actions

@Nutellaoneverything

I am in your friends situation, husband still in hospital and the friends that did reach out are the ones I am most grateful to. Most people say "please let me know if there's anything I can do" which although very kind I'm not sure what they're prepared to do. So someone saying "let me pick up your kids after school tomorrow" or dropping off a meal was the most appreciated thing. I don't particularly want to talk about the details to anyone and I've also really appreciated the ones that acknowledged what I was going through but had other things to talk about to keep the conversation elsewhere as sometimes you just need distraction.

A good friend shows their love by actions

Sending you so much love and so glad you have some great friends around you

So sorry you are going through this Nutella

I'm really pleased you went over.

It's possible that the suicide attempt was in response to her saying she wanted to leave. She may need support to leave a coercive controlling relationship.

Glad you went over, you are a good friend to her

Great news OP, I'm really glad you went over.

Glad your friend hasn’t been physically harmed.

I have alarm bells ringing here even after your update. I would maybe suggest to your friend that she speaks to someone in confidence about what she’s going through. The idea that her DH has attempted to isolate her from support after this sends chills down my spine.

While we obviously don’t know the details, people do use suicide as an emotional card to prevent someone from e.g. leaving a relationship. There are posters on the relationships boards whose ex’s have threatened and done exactly that.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

I work in the field of DV and freely admit that colours how I view the world. My radar may be way, way off here - but I would be very keen to try and contact her mum or sisters to make sure she has been physically seen by someone over the last 24 hours and that she is safe and well.

Agree 100%

Good on you for going over OP.

Your friend may really need you in the next few weeks, I suggest keeping an eye out.

The husband being suicidal is concerning enough, but that he (perhaps unwittingly, perhaps purposefully) tried to isolate his wife after such an act is very worrying.

[quote Cheeseandwin5]@Frenchfancy
I can't not contact her, and I feel he has forfeited his right to say what is best for her.

I think you need to do some reading on why people take this action. Its not to manipulate or control. Read up on compassion whilst your at it too.
Your friend definitely needs support but not from someone who is going to blame and denounce her DH .[/quote]
Seriously wtf? She's not saying she doesn't sympathize with the man, just that he doesn't get to dictate whether she contacts her friend to offer support. Which he doesn't !

A friend was in a similar situation years ago. There was a lot more going on than initially suspected and the person did finally kill themselves several years later. I was told the initial attempt was more to get let off facing consequences for their actions by the police. Similar comments about escaping justice were made after their final attempt. I still have no idea what to think.

All I could do was be there and listen. I was told a web of lies but I tried to offer support and just keep her distracted with my company. I tried to never question what I was being told. I wish now that I'd push more for them to get professional help.

Well done OP, you did the right thing. And she will know that she can rely on you when she does want to talk .

@Nutellaoneverything sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds very tough.

‘A therapist once told me that suicide can be understood as the ultimate aggressive act,’

That depends almost entirely on the person threatening or attempting suicide. Please don’t label people in that way. There was nothing aggressive about my suicide attempts, I truly believed that I was giving everyone and myself and the world a gift - but I’m sure that’s the bullshit that’s been fed to my son - ‘aggressive act’. It’s deeply unfair to stigmatise mental illness this way and there is a world of difference between those who are either threatening it or ‘attempting’ it to gain power/control over people and those who feel there really is no other option.

Glad you went to check up on her, op: the world needs more friends like you.

@thebiggestmoose

Seriously wtf? She's not saying she doesn't sympathize with the man, just that he doesn't get to dictate whether she contacts her friend to offer support. Which he doesn't !

I think she clearly says she has no sympathy for him and more so that he is to blame!