Friends DH attempted suicide

[Frenchfancy]

What can I do to help her?

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

I work in the field of DV and freely admit that colours how I view the world. My radar may be way, way off here - but I would be very keen to try and contact her mum or sisters to make sure she has been physically seen by someone over the last 24 hours and that she is safe and well.

That’s just what I was thinking.

Please check she's ok in a sense that he hasn't harmed her before making an attempt on his own life. It's what first came to mind.

Thats what I was thinking too. Please someone check on your friend

I confess that it hadn't even occurred to me.

I'm the type that doesn't want to intrude

But this is about her, not you. If you are a friend then you should get in touch. As others have said, there may well be reasons why he doesn't want that. Be a good friend to her and make sure you speak to her at least tonight.

There's something off here and I'd be contacting my friend.

I would definitely contact her immediately.

@Frenchfancy

I confess that it hadn't even occurred to me.

It wouldn't occur to most people, and hopefully I am way off beam. But please check on her.

Definitely contact her. And keep contacting her unless she asks not to.
Her DH is clearly in no mental state to be doing the right thing by himself let alone his wife. It looks like they both need kind intervention and community.

Actually what worried me is that he has assaulted her and then pretended to harm himself. So that if she goes to the police, he can claim he was mentally ill.

Also saying “ she is not herself “ sounds like “ don’t believe a word she says “.

IME people who have just attempted to take their own life are NOT able to think much about how their actions might affect their loved ones. They are so caught up in their own pain and distress they can’t think about anyone else. Or they even think that their family might be better off with them dead.

If they are able to think of their family, they are more likely to say “please DO contact my family, I know they will be angry / upset because they don’t understand , but I can’t deal with them right now”.

Or even “ Whatever, I don’t care - they don’t even care if I’m dead or alive “ .

The “Don’t contact her “ is unusual.

I too would be checking.on friend. You don't need to ask details about what he did that's his business but I agree she needs checking on both for her safety and it's a very stressful thing to have happened to her, also that he doesnt get to dictate what her friends offer to do for her.

IF she asks you not to contact her that's one thing but my alarm bells are ringing that he is telling people not to contact her its isolating her after a terrible experience. He may be worried about people gossiping about him but I think you should pop round while he's still in hospital and assess situation for yourself.

You need to check on her. Warning bells all over the place here.

I'm sorry to say that the suggestion of a story playing out here is plausible. Like setting people's minds to thinking SHE isn't right as pp said I'd have thought someone in a position of thinking of taking their own life isnt likely to be thinking rationally about the feelings of others I only hope it is the case that he is just worried about gossips rather than fabricating a tale to cover up mistreatment of her

My god. It's like the start of a thriller movie. Please please contact and make sure she's alright. Probably being totally dramatic, but what happens if he's really hurt her, and trying to make sure people don't contact her to find her?? I could not just do nothing

It wouldn’t have occurred to me at all either, but after reading this I’d definitely try and get in contact with her

Dv/A/CC experienced 16 years and counting - I have alarm bells going off re him telling people not to contact her.

Please do

I really don't think an offer of practical help could offend, and then when you're in discussion with her you can offer emotional support.

I'm another for whom this rings alarm bells.

Whatever is happening, the husband is in hospital being looked after. Please, as well as messaging, make sure somebody has seen your friend in person. Or ask the police to make a welfare check.

A therapist once told me that suicide can be understood as the ultimate aggressive act, because of the devastation it leaves behind. It is possible to have compassion for people with suicidal ideation, whilst also acknowledging the terrible affect on their loved ones. And of course, threatening suicide is a tactic used by abusers.

Please check on your friend by text or email. If she doesn't want to engage yet then she can just simply not reply.

You might find more helpful advice on these websites

www.togethertolive.ca/sites/default/files/waterloo_after_a_suicide_attempt_for_family.pdf

www.suicideline.org.au/resource/supporting-someone-after-a-suicide-attempt/

cmhc.utexas.edu/bethatone/friendscopingsuicide.html

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/after-a-suicide-loss/supporting-someone-after-a-suicide-loss

If she's a good friend I think your plan is a good one. If she's one of your best friends I'd turn up with a bottle of wine, a good movie and a hug.

She's in crisis, lockdown doesn't apply.

Please, please request a welfare check on your friend. Like another poster with some experience related to this, it rings massive alarm bells when one partner tells loved ones not to get in touch with the other partner particularly at a highly emotional time. I would be concerned enough to push for a welfare check as soon as possible.

I went over with 2 other friends. We talked a bit outside. She was very touched we went. Her mum turned up with dinner so she is being looked after.

No DV, at least not physical, but clearly some serious relationship problems going on.

Thanks for all the advice, I probably wouldn't have gone over this evening and it was clearly the right thing to do.

Well done op. Glad she is ok. I had the same concern as others.

Oh well done OP I'm so glad she is ok and that she knows her mum and her close friends are ready and willing to help her however she needs

People needs friends like you OP. Glad she's getting support.