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Do other people have quiet times in their head or is their brain always talking?

278 replies

Smallsteps88 · 28/11/2020 23:31

Do you ever have silence in your head? I never do. My head voice is constantly talking. Shite mostly. It often interrupts conversations I’m having with people and I have to concentrate really hard to “hear”what the other person is saying. I really wish I could switch it off sometimes. I take hours to fall asleep every night because my brain is still going. Is that what everyone else has or do you have quiet sometimes?

OP posts:
splishsplashsploosh · 29/11/2020 21:00

*I mean bluff the answer when asked a question

EwwSprouts · 29/11/2020 22:02

I can't see images in my head either and was shocked when I found out other people could. I have since discovered it's called aphantasia. I only learned there was a name for this a month ago from a colleague. She and I both can't visualise in that way and she's the first person I'd come across to be the same. Wonder if that's why I'm hopeless at meditation?
Also both avid speedy readers.

Sideorderofchips · 29/11/2020 22:06

I'm a speed reader as well. Always have been

Smallsteps88 · 29/11/2020 22:10

So the people who don’t have an inner monologue- what happens in your head when you think? Or read? Are there no words?

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PickAChew · 29/11/2020 22:31

@Inextremis

My brain never shuts up. Thought I'd do an experiment and type my thoughts as they came to me - so here it is - about 2 mins of what's going on in my head, as it happened...

"Free thinking. So what is thinking anyway? Am I thinking in sentences? Did I put cranberry sauce on the Tesco order for 3 weeks' time? Must remember to add honey 'cos the honey I used for the parsnips today was old and set. Do we need another Christmas decoration for 2020 so we can leave one at our friend's house and bring ours home with us? Time. What's that all about then? Is it something we've invented or does it exist in a sort of non-material way. Argh, my foot's going to sleep - wonder if the dogs need an out or did DH let them out after dinner? Do I want a coffee? No, I have wine. Where is the wine? Oh, there it is. What time is it? Should I go to bed early and read my book today? Argh, must do my daily language lesson. Need a new scented candle. let's have a look on Amazon..."

It. Never. Stops.

I've just shown this to dh because he didn't understand when I tried to explain what my brain was like to him.

I also have the constant soundtrack. Sometimes it's a mashup. For the past couple of days it's been a snippet from a curved air song, occasionally mashed up with a king crimson song that it segues into quite seamlessly. Sometimes it's a song that I hate and it really pisses me off because I have to drown it out, somehow.

OTOH I sometimes need silence around me. An impending migraine can make me very noise sensitive and even the tumble dryer scrambles my brain and I can have a bit of a melt down if I'm struggling to get something done, as a result.

I often talk to myself. So often I can't pick out what I'm trying to achieve from my humble of thoughts so I talk myself through a task. I also keep a notepad handy and write lists. If it's for shopping, I often forget to take it with me but that doesn't matter because I can see the list I've written in my head, anyhow.

I'm a very slow reader, these days. Doesn't help that I fall asleep!imterestingly, I've been reading some Sandi Toksvig and didn't fall asleep as quickly but found I enjoyed the rhythm of her writing. It's very soothing and matter of fact and with the way my brain works, she might as well have been reading to me.

Bellaphant · 29/11/2020 22:32

This is so me - my head is playing sia's chandelier while I'm reading this. It's not putting me off, it's just there.

To get proper mental quiet I often end up reading, in the bath. I can't concentrate at work in silence, I always need background noise (podcasts, cooking shows, something without plot) to enable the 'noisy' part of my brain with something to focus on while I actually do some work.

I'm also shit at the guided meditation thing but I think that's because I can't visualise.

I've also just remembered that I have partial facial blindness - I find it hard to recognise actors in different contexts, but more worrying if I try to picture my mum's face, it's never as clear as I assume it is for other people.

I do have dyslexia and dyspraxia...

MrsSugar · 29/11/2020 22:38

Mines is constantly talking, going over to do lists in my head, mental shopping lists, just general shite really. Occasionally singing.

I said this to my husband and he just looked at me strangely and says he has none of that. I imagine his head just has a ball of tumbleweed rolling around Hmm

Smallsteps88 · 29/11/2020 22:49

I also keep a notepad handy and write lists. If it's for shopping, I often forget to take it with me but that doesn't matter because I can see the list I've written in my head, anyhow.

Yes I have my lists book. (It’s not just lists- anything I need to work out gets done in that book- budget, work schedule, 5 year plan, product comparisons) It lives permanently on the table beside my seat on the sofa. In fact while I was reading the rest of your post I also started reading my list book in my head. Another thing which may or many not be weird, in my list book I start on the back page and work my way through to the front. I have no idea why!

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PickAChew · 29/11/2020 22:50

I come from a very autistic family, BTW. Ds1 has co-morbid adhd, which he is medicated for, and shook his head when I asked him if he had the noisy brain.

I'm almost certain Ds2 has a noisy brain because he has no filter and it all humbles out of his mouth as a constant stream of consciousness. He tics a lot, at the moment, too, and a lot of his tics are things on his mind like a bag that broke after just a few weeks.

PickAChew · 29/11/2020 22:52

Tumbles
Jumbles
Autocorrect on this phone is a twat.

DinosApple · 29/11/2020 23:02

Oh this is all fascinating. I do have an internal monologue, not so busy as some of yours though, pretty constant and frequently random. I read myself to sleep every night, and it has to be something factual or I will finish the book. I kind of assumed everyone had an internal monologue really.

DD1 has a diagnosis of dyslexia and dyspraxia and an auditory processing disorder (essentially if I ask her to do something it's not unusual to have to ask 10 times). She's very rarely still, never seems to focus, but I think it's a case of too many tabs open. She also sees numbers as colours and is a super fast reader.

Interestingly DH always says he never had a clue what was going on at school. He always missed what he should be doing.

Miljea · 29/11/2020 23:26

Fascinating. I never really understood the reality of 'a noisy brain', like mine. It never stops. I just thought others couldn't describe it, rather than didn't have it!

But the most interesting thing is when I ask DH what he's thinking, and he says 'Nothing'. I mean, wtf? How can you not be thinking about something? If you asked me that, off I'd go! Earlier, adult DS, as we sat in the (under floor heated) conservatory as I looked out, asked me my thoughts, and I said 'I wonder how the Iron Age people who lived in the woods adjoining our house would cope with 6 degrees?' To be it was perfectly logical. What provision would they make? Do they go to sleep every night a-feared of what the night might bring? What about their children?

I stress about the lives of people who died 2000 years ago!

I also have to be aware, now and then, about reality versus what happened in a dream, as it can seem so real. Life stressors make that much worse, as my dreams align more readily with reality.

I can feel 'off' with someone I love because of something they did in a dream! FFS.

I don't think I have any AS or ADHD traits. But, now in my late 50s, I think I know I am 'anxious'. I have 4 potentially stressful days at work ahead. I know I will get, tops, 5 hours sleep per night during this time. In the wee hours, I will invent scenarios, play out conversations, really feel stuff. But it will all be in my mind. Reality is highly unlikely to be as bad as I'd imagined!

As for yoga/meditation/mindfulness; I can entirely see how people benefit but I can't see, with a small amount of experience- it benefitting me. I just couldn't focus for the time required. The rabbit holes my mind would go down!

I am better than I was! 30 years ago 😬 I was in a short-term directionless relationship. It was on the rocks, I was all over the place, but I stumbled across a 'self-help' book whilst browsing. I don't 'do' self-help' books! And at that time, it really helped. It taught me stratagems to deal with what I term 'night thoughts' -2am. How to recognise them, and how to build a very real (to you) brick wall to block them. 'Ah, the trench is dug, we need hardcore (but if I'd said that/he'd done this...) AND some more sand, maybe? Hmm, first line of bricks (I wonder what he's doing now?) BUT are these the right bricks?'....

Etc etc. It was effective but exhausting.

DH, otoh, has the imagination of tarmac. I actually envy him. His brain never goes 'what if?'

Miljea · 29/11/2020 23:27

I'm a very fast reader, too.

Not necessarily 'retainer', tho, sadly!

Miljea · 29/11/2020 23:33

Because I can't shut up, there's more! 😂

I have, ready-to-go', on I dunno, Netflix or catchup- Lord of the Rings.

Why? Because at times LIKE NOW, it provides background, like a tune-out for when everyone else has gone to bed, I know I can 'risk' midnight, and I just need someone else's narrative while my own chunders on in my head.

Smallsteps88 · 29/11/2020 23:37

I can’t retain information either. I can cram for a test and pass with flying colours but ask my anything about the subject two weeks later and... nope. My dad doesn’t understand this. He remembers everything. Once he’s learned it, that’s it, it stays with him. Whereas I’ll start telling him about some nature programme I watched the night before and I can’t remember the country it was in or what the animals were called etc. I feel so stupid when that happens.

OP posts:
PontiacBandit · 29/11/2020 23:38

Usually silent. I think the constant chatter would be so annoying. I often have to "switch" my brain on to run through mental lists.

Smallsteps88 · 29/11/2020 23:38

I basically end up saying “I watched a programme last night, er on BBC... it was pretty good” Grin

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Miljea · 29/11/2020 23:42

Smallsteps I keep a notebook beside me when I chat to friends so I can recall key details.

We'll have a lovely conversation, but I know I will have forgotten stuff a week later!

Tempusfudgeit · 29/11/2020 23:45

The last line of a Winnie the Pooh book is 'He sat in the sun, and thought of nothing.' I tried for years as a child to do that. Never managed it.

celtiethree · 29/11/2020 23:53

I don’t have an internal ‘voice’ until I read a thread like this and it seems to switch on and drives me crazy for about an hour while I actively think about it then it will disappear again. Thoughts just are - they are there without the words. When I read I see the words and understand them there is no voice or pictures the understanding is just there. I’m a very quick reader and will read 4 or 5 books a week as well as a few newspapers a day.

CarolNoE · 30/11/2020 00:05

Placemarking. This is me, a bit scared. Will read tomorrow

FrenchtoEnglish · 30/11/2020 00:05

I've created my own "planet" in my dreams. I go back to it every night. It's like an alternate world. I know where everything is... castle, hôtels, taxis, restaurants, roads, hospitals, tube, river, friends' houses... There's nothing weird about it. It's like a real city, but not one I've ever known... but now I know it. The détail is the same as when I'm awake. Do other people dream like this?

Smallsteps88 · 30/11/2020 00:12

@FrenchtoEnglish

I've created my own "planet" in my dreams. I go back to it every night. It's like an alternate world. I know where everything is... castle, hôtels, taxis, restaurants, roads, hospitals, tube, river, friends' houses... There's nothing weird about it. It's like a real city, but not one I've ever known... but now I know it. The détail is the same as when I'm awake. Do other people dream like this?
Wow!! That’s really fascinating! I haven’t had anything like that. I used to have the same dream over and over again over several years since childhood but nothing like having a world to go to. That actually sounds really comforting- to know where you’re going when you go to sleep.
OP posts:
PickAChew · 30/11/2020 00:13

@FrenchtoEnglish

I've created my own "planet" in my dreams. I go back to it every night. It's like an alternate world. I know where everything is... castle, hôtels, taxis, restaurants, roads, hospitals, tube, river, friends' houses... There's nothing weird about it. It's like a real city, but not one I've ever known... but now I know it. The détail is the same as when I'm awake. Do other people dream like this?
I return to places that have featured in previous dreams. It's either ah, I know my way around this one or else, bloody hell, this shit, yet again, yes this happened last time I came here, too!
RadioGaGaCalling · 30/11/2020 08:56

Op, thank you so much for starting this thread and to everyone who has posted. I have long thought I was a little weird, so your contributions are like a wet flannel to a fevered brow. I'm a name changer because I'm embarrassed at some of the confessions I'm going to be making here.

I'm getting on a bit now, and I've always been like this. In fact, a few days ago, I asked for this for Christmas:- www.etsy.com/uk/listing/889241946/metal-wall-sign-plaque-dear-brain-please?ref=shop_home_active_130 Grin.

My working life requires a fair amount of brain power and, when required, I can concentrate for hours on end without stopping for food, and sometimes even for drink. I will admit to finding this extremely satisfying although, nowadays, if I have too many days like that on the trot, I'm exhausted!

The rest of the time, I struggle to concentrate on one thing at a time due to Radio GaGa playing full blast - monologues and dialogues and hypotheses and sketch plans etc. Lots of colour and sometimes music, bits of poetry and prose, film scenes, art, concerns about the planet, how to rearrange the furniture in the lounge, how the kids are going to get on the housing ladder, what to buy DH for Christmas.

This means that many things, be that a work related task or doing something in the house or garden, take longer than they should as I complete only half the task before my brain suggests, very firmly, that I should be doing something else. So off I trot to do something else, leaving a trail of things which are almost, but not fully, completed.

I hate mess, and this causes mess, and then I have to spend more time clearing everything up, in order to give myself some chance of clarity of thought. (I'm currently looking at my very untidy desk and thinking that I am going to have to clear it up before I start work later on today).

It is much, much worse when I am stressed/under pressure and that's when random words come out of my mind which have absolutely nothing to do with what I'm thinking. When the children were small, for reasons I won't bore you with, I was massively stressed and the talking to myself was at its worst, particularly when I was driving and was concentrating on that. I would say things like "I love you", "I hate you" "Stupid woman" (presumably about myself) and "I want to go home" (I live many, many miles away from where I was raised). I realised how often I must have been saying that when DC2, who was strapped in his car seat in the back of the car came out with "I want to go home" as one of his first fully completed sentences Shock.

Like many of you, I tend to have spectacular dreams, full of colour and action. I once drempt an entire short play, complete with plot, characters, and dialogue. I found the ending so upsetting, I struggled not to cry when I was explaining it to a friend. I only wish I had the talent to write it up.

I have also suffered from sleep paralysis and very occasionally accompanying hallucinations. More recently, these are auditory - such as humanoid moaning or things being dropped on the floor.

However, the most embarrassing bit is the images I have used to get to sleep over the years. During the period of extreme stress I mentioned above, I could only get to sleep if I envisioned myself barefoot, dirty and in rags with my hands bound behind my back, kneeling before some unseen oppressor. It was as if it had been videotaped and was on a repeat cycle. Looking back at it, the point of that image appeared to be that this was the lowest point and I was going to get myself back up off the floor. Has anyone else had anything like this?

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