Do other people have quiet times in their head or is their brain always talking?

[Smallsteps88]

Do you ever have silence in your head? I never do. My head voice is constantly talking. Shite mostly. It often interrupts conversations I’m having with people and I have to concentrate really hard to “hear”what the other person is saying. I really wish I could switch it off sometimes. I take hours to fall asleep every night because my brain is still going. Is that what everyone else has or do you have quiet sometimes?

Have just been reading more of your posts.

I'm a speed reader too. I have a fairly new kindle, but am struggling with it as I don't always process who is who and I can't flick back pages to a place where they were introduced in the same way I can with a paperback. I have to read a hell of a lot at work and I have to get hold of my brain and tell it to read more slowly in order to digest the important bits. Sometimes I have to give it this instruction several times before it actually listens.

I also struggle to retain information - or at least the information I need in the required amount of detail. I use a lists notebook for everything and I have a go-to file of essential information for work.

This thread is making me very happy

This is interesting but isn't this just a factor of mental discipline? Like when I had to study a subject at uni, if I wasn't engrossed by it I simply had to force myself to do it, which meant imposing discipline in my mind. It meant forcing myself to read articles slowly, taking notes or drawing diagrams to try and make sense of it. The more I did this, the easier it got.

The same is true is meditative prayer- to sit still and in silence and pray is very difficult- your brain starts going crazy and throwing up every thought- my nose itches, my arm aches, what about work tomorrow, what about this that or the other. It takes practice and discipline to master those impulses and bring your mind under control. Every time you notice your mind wandering to mentally shake it off, and go back to repeating the prayer (I was taught the prayer of the heart to repeat during silent prayer). I can sit still, and have my mind be quiet for 15-30 minutes at a time as a result. (St Teresa of Avila describes the undisciplined mind as the mad woman of the house distracting us and recommends painting as a way of shutting the door to this madness)

I suspect most people are like this- perhaps those with ADHD have more difficulty than others in changing this, I don't know. But I think that generally people's minds are a bit chaotic and given to wildly chasing impulses. Just like our bodies though, I think our minds can be trained.

I have also often wondered whether or not the impulse to have your mind randomly chattering away doesn't reflect some psychological pressure that needs resolution. That it kind of covers up the pain so that it doesn't have to be dealt with

This is me too, particularly the rabbit hole of trying to get things tidied or organized or put away. It take so long and I create more mess along the way, and actually get quite worked up and upset sometimes because I worry about whether I should keep something or throw it out, or where the best place to keep it would be.

Also half-done projects! I lose interest and momentum. So many half-made seeing projects (important thinks like curtains, not just fun hobby projects, although those too) around the house...

With work and academic projects, I do much, much better with tasks that need to be done straight away. A long deadline is the worst thing for me, as I'll procrastinate, or start but get incredibly stressed and worried and make the task more complicated. And there are things that my brain is very good at, like learning languages, or organising an argument/fighting someone's corner, which I can just do, and then lots of other things that seem very difficult (and are probably totally doable, but require more effort), which I feel I can't do, and give up on.

Also I'm another one who has been surprisingly (to myself!) good and clearheaded in a crisis when other people have needed help. Probably less good at helping myself. ..

Hiddenmnetter, you may well be right, particularly your point about it reflecting some psychological pressure that needs resolving. I love my work, but sometimes feel it has a sort of Dementor quality to it.

For the last 6 months, I've been under quite a lot of pressure from work and this has eased over the last few days, as I've taken a few days off. I can feel that my mind has been soothed and Radio GaGa is no longer on full blast. I used to paint quite a bit, and always found that shut out the noise, but the noise has to be shut out to enable me to paint - if you see what I mean. I haven't painted in any meaningful sense for about 5 years, but it is something I'm aiming for in the new year. Gardening takes less effort and also tends to shut out the noise.

DH and my parents are always going on about me doing less work and painting more. Perhaps I'm simply past it and need to retire (pity DC are still fairly young and will need some financial support for quite a while!).

I was invited to attend mediation classes but couldn't see that it would work for me. I'm always impressed by those who can do it.

This is me too. I'm stressy about work at the moment and my brain will not shut up. I constantly dream about work.

I also talk to myself if I'm alone and wind myself up that way. It's like I actually enjoy being wound up and overthinking.

I wish I could stop it. It's exhausting.

@NoBloodyHolly - me too. When I started Ritalin I was a bit stunned by how empty my brain was. It felt a bit lonely in there without my constant excitement and internally chattering 😄 lowering the dose helped though and I did learn to enjoy it. Much more restful !

This is interesting but isn't this just a factor of mental discipline?

Well we don't know, that's kind of the point of the thread.

When the OP first posted I was about to reply and say "that's totally normal, that's just what brains do". But before I did, a few people replied to say "that's what I have as a symptom of ADHD" which made me, and a few others, go "Whoa, what?"

It's very hard, maybe impossible, to judge whether ones experience of ones own brainspace is the same as someone else's based only on their subjective description. Hence the value of lots of specific examples.

The overthinking is a major problem for me. I see others at work taking more of a broad brush approach to things. It's a valid approach in many instances, and I'm not knocking it, but I can only take that approach if I don't have time to do my usual picking over everything.

Lockdown doesn't help, does it, even for those who aren't stressing about jobs, and finances and loved ones etc. Simply not being able to have a meal with a friend, and a hug.....

@Blibbyblobby - I’m reading this and thinking “But all these people have ADHD? It’s obvious!”. It reads like an ADHD support group thread anyway 😂

I had a late diagnosis. And stopped taking Ritalin eventually as I missed my noisily excitable brain. It slowed down the thoughts, but also slowed down my speed reading and creativity.

@parmavioletsarelush

I can so relate to this. Constant dialogue and songs in my head. Counting steps, spelling out words as if on a keyboard (a bit like Miranda when she repeats a certain word but I have to type it in my head). I have a lot of ASD traits (not diagnosed). I also suspect ADHD. As a child, during story time in primary school, I would appear to be not concentrating at all - drawing, doodling, looking around for the next thing to do - but I'd be able to answer every single question the teacher asked me about the story.

Does anyone else find if they've been in an overly stimulating environment (night out, party, lots of people and talking etc) that they need time to "come down" before being able to go to bed?

Yes me. If I’ve been around a lot of people, doesn’t matter how late I come back, I need some time doing my own thing before bed otherwise I’m too wired and lay in bed overthinking things.

I have constant internal chatter, and my mind never quietens or stills. I cannot do yoga or meditation for this reason. Even getting to sleep I run one of my more relaxing daydreams through my head, as if I don't, I'm plagued by my own brain. It's not anxiety, but just a series of inane thoughts. My mind wanders in films and lots of TV, although I like scandi noir as the subtitles force me to concentrate. I read a lot.

I have a job where there are some aspects of crisis response and flexibility needed, and I am good at that, but terrible at note making, and sometimes can be too superficial as my brain leaps on to the next thing without thinking properly about the last.

I went to an online work seminar about ADHD in adults last week and did find myself relating to a surprising amount of it.

No I never have a quiet time not even when I'm falling asleep. I have to think up stories to drift off and I dream almost every single night without fail.

Meditation slows my thinking down but doesn't shut it up.

I can’t retain information either. I can cram for a test and pass with flying colours but ask my anything about the subject two weeks later and... nope. My dad doesn’t understand this. He remembers everything. Once he’s learned it, that’s it, it stays with him. Whereas I’ll start telling him about some nature programme I watched the night before and I can’t remember the country it was in or what the animals were called etc. I feel so stupid when that happens.

Oh I can relate to this. I did the same post grad degree as DH and I live in fear of him asking me a specific question. I couldn't tell you a thing I learnt in my degree. Which means I'm screwed when it comes to finding a job. Even though, on paper, I have good qualifications. Once DH learns something, he knows it years later. I'm unlikely to remember it the following week.

I already take citalopram for low mood/occasional depression, and when I started abouy 2 years ago, I found it really helped calm down my busy head, and I was able to make space and be calmer about things. Didn't feel I'd lost anything, still me, but able to see things more clearly. Recent events (definitely including this weird covid year) have seen me getting much more busy and ineffective in my head, and frustrated over not being able to focus, and our house getting messier and grubbier.

How do people go about seeking an ADHD/ADD diagnosis in middle age? I don't really want to bother GP as I know they're over stretched and I've accessed their services lots recently for other medical problems, but on the other hand I don't have a lot of spare money to pursue it privately. And would it even help? I mentioned possibility of ADHD to a very helpful NHS talking therapies counsellor last year, and she said "would it make a difference to know?" And concentrated with helping me sort out some other problems I was going through.

Shirtyllama I am far from an expert but did go to a brief seminar which touched on this recently. ADHD apparently responds very well and quickly to pharmacological interventions, and the meds are easy to tweak to get the right dose. Diagnosis is more of a problem, as NHS services just aren't commissioned for adult assessments. Even if you have a service locally they will probably be commissioned to do a fraction of the volume of work needed, and so may prioritise cases with the effect that anyone who is just about managing might not get seen. There are obviously lots of private specialists if you can afford to pay.

This thread is fascinating. I also have a relentless internal monologue and DH has none.

I have a permanent inner monologue that tells stories, songs songs, cringes at things that happened 15 years ago 😂, plays through scenarios and even writes MN posts or FB statuses that I never post! I’m confident that I don’t have ADHD. The only thing that quietens (not stops completely) my mind is being under my weighted blanket.

I am not able to see pictures in my mind though, it’s completely black. Does anyone else have that? Is it an either/ or situation?

It’s also interesting that lots of people are posting that they do but their DH doesn’t, I wonder if there’s a gender element to it?

Mine is constantly on the go. Not just my voice either. It's a good day when things aren't simultaneously making noise in my head. Even worse when a couple of lines from a couple of songs get in there.

I don't have adhd, my eldest does, his noise/voice is limited to one thing at a time.

We both also have vivid dreams, can change dreams, and can continue where we left off if we wake. However, I still get night terrors and sleep walk, thankfully I didn't pass this on.

Mine is constant. I'm reading this and thinking about it whilst at the same time part of my brain is planning tomorrow's lessons, working out replying to emails and imagining what would happen if DH got covid and died ( these thoughts I gave forcefully reign in as I will end up in floods if I let them run)

DH doesn't have this it must be so nice to have a quiet brain.

It’s also interesting that lots of people are posting that they do but their DH doesn’t, I wonder if there’s a gender element to it?

I’ve often wondered that too

There’s always a party going on in my brain. Music, random quotes, me narrating my life like someone’s going to commission me to write one of those ‘how I spend my Sunday’ articles in the weekend paper, conversations I had with people 5 years ago, at least 2 long running ‘serials’ that I’ve made up with multiple characters and storylines, things I need to do, things I need to buy, what’s happening next Thursday...Sometimes I get stuck in a load of negative thoughts, often it’s quite benign background chatter.

I remember when I was little one of my friends being annoyed because I’d occasionally laugh out loud for no reason and explain that it was something I’d thought in my head. She found it annoying because her sister did the same thing, but it didn’t happen to her.

I find yoga useless (‘my feet are cold. I like those leggings. What shall I have for dinner? She’s annoying, showing off that she can do a headstand. How exactly is this warming up my kidneys anyway? Did I turn my phone off? Yes. No. I can’t remember. You know what, Sally at work, you’re a micro-manager and it’s none of your business when I take my annual leave.’) But I do have some hobbies (like climbing) that are good because you really HAVE to be ‘present’ or stand a reasonable chance of getting hurt - weirdly I find that very relaxing.

@Shirtyllama - Psychiatry UK do private assessments, presumably online at present.

One thing medication did help me with, straight away, was reducing my anxiety levels, particularly in crowded or noisy places.

Other people started to describe me as “calm” which I’d never been described as before, and I actually felt calm I suppose (if that is what having a quieter brain is).

I asked the psychiatrist “Why isn’t this given to everyone with anxiety? It could help so many people!!”. He said that for people without ADHD, the medication would make them feel anxious and jittery, not calm. But he also said that it is his opinion that around 50% of people diagnosed with anxiety actually have ADHD.

I was going to post a snippet of the chatter in my brain like others have but I just can’t. Firstly it’s going far to fast for my fingers to keep up. I couldn’t even dictate it out loud. Also it’s mostly incoherent. It’s not full sentences like others have posted. It’s the beginning of sentences, then sudden swearing, then “whoops”, at the same time as my head is singing one song while another is playing just like a radio and loads of random images appearing. The images will inspire some of the words “what’s that? A clock? Never mind. Dog food, order do... oh check bank...grey...yuck.shine. Shoe shine. Not sure. Anyway.electric too”

That’s just a tiny bit. Like 3 seconds worth. Add music and colourful imagery for full effect Pure nonsense but it all actually makes sense to me.

(‘my feet are cold. I like those leggings. What shall I have for dinner? She’s annoying, showing off that she can do a headstand. How exactly is this warming up my kidneys anyway? Did I turn my phone off? Yes. No. I can’t remember. You know what, Sally at work, you’re a micro-manager and it’s none of your business when I take my annual leave.’)

This is me, too! We once had some shit 'meditation' session at work where we had to lie on the library floor and just let go and I ended up so stressed I got a migraine because this is exactly what my brain was doing!

This is also exactly what my brain does when I put the light out and lie there silently in the dark, ready to go to sleep. I was still lying there at 5.00am this morning. It's exhausting.