UK adoption vs USA

[NoGoodPunsLeft]

This is all based on tv/films but the way adoption is portrayed is vastly different in the uk and USA & I was wondering if it is accurate.

For example, in the uk it is always older children being adopted (examples: Adam & Rachel in Cold Feet & the couple in Trying) whereas always seems to be a pregnant teen/young woman in USA who gives up their baby (examples: friends, A Million Little Things).

Is it at all realistic in America?!

In the UK we do not pay the legal costs associated with adoption.

But you are much more likely to adopt a child who is older and has a range of additional needs requiring costly support.

In the UK, relinquishing a child for adoption is not really a thing. A child is taken for adoption because the birth parents are perceived to have failed. They have very little choice about the adoptive family and are perceived as not having enough love or maturity to parent. They have very little opportunity to participate in the adoption process. Even if they agree that adoption is right for their child, they are still perceived as unable to think like a parent

I have been involved in adoption in the Uk for decades and I have never heard anyone say that a mother whose child is adopted has failed, or they don’t have enough love or maturity or is unable to think like a parent.

@Jellycatspyjamas has explained upthread why children are placed for adoption in the UK and it’s ALWAYS about the needs of the child and whether or not the birth parent /s can meet them.

Most of these women have addictions, mental health problems or learning difficulties, have experienced domestic violence and have had very adverse childhoods themselves. You are utterly trivialising these issues by saying it’s “ lack of love “ or “ immaturity “ or “ inability to think like a parent “.

Most birth parents love their children very much, but they are unable to care for them, despite a lot of help, because of these complex issues in their lives.

It’s also untrue to say that relinquishing birth parents have no say in who adopts their child. Indeed some meet the new parents and will have ongoing contact in some form.

Most of these women have addictions, mental health problems or learning difficulties, have experienced domestic violence and have had very adverse childhoods

Yet they would be able to choose their child's family in many circumstances, because they're capable of that. I expect you think they wouldn't be. I think you're confirming what I've said, implicitly.

Yes, many British adoptions are now slightly open.

Bearing in mind they'd be choosing from a portfolio of approved adoptive parents, I should add.

In the US, there is often a perception that it takes more love and parental sacrifice to choose adoption-not that you are too damaged.

I adopted via an agency in the UK, it cost £40 for my medical and that was the only cost. In the UK we do not pay the legal costs associated with adoption.

That’s not true in all parts of the U.K., I had a substantial legal bill when I adopted, despite getting some financial assistance from the local authority.

@5863921l

Most of these women have addictions, mental health problems or learning difficulties, have experienced domestic violence and have had very adverse childhoods

Yet they would be able to choose their child's family in many circumstances, because they're capable of that. I expect you think they wouldn't be. I think you're confirming what I've said, implicitly.

Yes, many British adoptions are now slightly open.

Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents

@Jellycatspyjamas

I adopted via an agency in the UK, it cost £40 for my medical and that was the only cost. In the UK we do not pay the legal costs associated with adoption.

That’s not true in all parts of the U.K., I had a substantial legal bill when I adopted, despite getting some financial assistance from the local authority.

What legal costs did you have to pay?

@Jellycatspyjamas I had no idea that some pets in the UK you had to pay legal costs towards adoption. (I adopted a 6 mth old 4 years ago)

IN UK, women have free access to contraception, abortion, health care and enough state benefits to raise a baby. Being a single mother is no longer a "social disgrace". This combination has very much reduced the number of UK mothers who choose to give up a newborn for adoption.

The vast majority of children available for adoption in UK are older then 2

@5863921l

In the UK we do not pay the legal costs associated with adoption.

But you are much more likely to adopt a child who is older and has a range of additional needs requiring costly support.

True. But in UK, additional needs costs are funded by the state via a range of special funds and allowances.

@5863921l

In the UK we do not pay the legal costs associated with adoption.

But you are much more likely to adopt a child who is older and has a range of additional needs requiring costly support.

That's why we have the adoption support fund and enhanced pupil premium

This is all really interesting, thank you everyone.

Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents.

It's a really inexact science working out which parents are best for which children and it usually boils down to which ones will accept the existing and potential issues that the child has. From those, the child's birth parents could easily be given a choice. This would enhance relationships between the two families and help future contact.

@drspouse

Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents.

It's a really inexact science working out which parents are best for which children and it usually boils down to which ones will accept the existing and potential issues that the child has. From those, the child's birth parents could easily be given a choice. This would enhance relationships between the two families and help future contact.

Adopters do not tend to want their information shared with birth parents. I can't imagine what could possibly be shared with birth parents at the matching stage that would allow them to have any kind of informed decision making. We also don't seriously discuss children with several potential adopters at once. Pre matching decisions are made before the social worker for the child meets the potential adopters. It's not fair to adopters to have them competing for children or to have several of them being given information about children at once. We are also careful to keep information about children minimal until serious discussions are underway for the child's privacy. Your proposal simply wouldn't work under the system we have, which exists primarily to meet the child's best interests, with the adults' needs and wishes taken into account where proportionate and necessary.

@CodenameVillanelle I’m in Scotland, the children had already been freed for adoption so we had the solicitors costs for the adoption order. In very complex cases the local authority defend and pay legal costs but for a straightforward petition the adopters pay their own solicitor whose bill can amount to a good few thousand .

Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents

Did anyone suggest otherwise?

Your proposal simply wouldn't work under the system we have, which exists primarily to meet the child's best interests, with the adults' needs and wishes taken into account where proportionate and necessary.

It's not my proposal! The OP asked about differences. This works in the USA with positive outcomes. I believe in women being well placed to choose their child's parents. You think they're incapable. Because they're British? It must be, since you can't deny that it works in North America (and elsewhere).

There is no need to talk with marbles in your mouth and hide behind formal language. I'm not a prospective adoptive parent, nor likely to relinquish a child for adoption. You have no one to convince.

It's not fair to adopters to have them competing for children or to have several of them being given information about children at once....Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents

Interesting double standard.

We also don't seriously discuss children with several potential adopters at once
No competitive matching then?

At our prep course there was an adoptive family who met birth mum and told her how their daughter would be going to a church school. This reassured birth mum. It can be simple facts like that, the family pet, they live in a village, or they have a boy already, or mum is a teacher.
None of those are identifying.

And what about those events where prospective parents browse pictures and details of children looking for families? This happens in parts of the UK.

Some of the thinking here is built on 1950s assumptions and thought processes - sits very oddly with the scraps of imported American adoption practices we're seeing.

Clearly, women can choose a good parent for their child (from an approved list) and this is beneficial for the child to know about, and the birth parent to move forward with. British social workers do not like to relinquish control, yet adoptive parents in North America are often keen for any chance to be considered and welcome the opportunity to gather information they can share with their adopted child (who will greatly treasure the idea that their parents were chosen by their birthparents). The foster to adopt scheme is sufficiently brutal (and the 'adoption open days' featuring adverts etc throwing privacy to the winds) that excuses featuring privacy and empathy to adoptive parents don't really cut it.

The difference is that in the US babies are often relinquished, in the UK they are removed, with birth parents often (understandably) contesting the removal and adoption. By the time a child us removed birth parents have shown themselves to be unable to care for their child (with support) and often have significant issues with substance misuse and poor mental health. There are legitimate safety reasons for not giving birth mums the choice of adopter - they can stipulate within reason the mind of family they’d like their child to go to, but I wouldn’t expect them to be given a portfolio of families to choose.

@drspouse

We also don't seriously discuss children with several potential adopters at once No competitive matching then?

At our prep course there was an adoptive family who met birth mum and told her how their daughter would be going to a church school. This reassured birth mum. It can be simple facts like that, the family pet, they live in a village, or they have a boy already, or mum is a teacher.
None of those are identifying.

That's not the same thing as giving birth parents details of two or more families and letting them choose

@5863921l

Your proposal simply wouldn't work under the system we have, which exists primarily to meet the child's best interests, with the adults' needs and wishes taken into account where proportionate and necessary.

It's not my proposal! The OP asked about differences. This works in the USA with positive outcomes. I believe in women being well placed to choose their child's parents. You think they're incapable. Because they're British? It must be, since you can't deny that it works in North America (and elsewhere).

There is no need to talk with marbles in your mouth and hide behind formal language. I'm not a prospective adoptive parent, nor likely to relinquish a child for adoption. You have no one to convince.

Yeah I was quoting someone, hence when I used the word 'your' it was aimed at that person, not at you, why would you think I was directing the comment to you?

@5863921l

It's not fair to adopters to have them competing for children or to have several of them being given information about children at once....Adoption matching decisions are made in the best interest of the child, not the birth parents

Interesting double standard.

Please point out the double standard?

Jellycatspyjamas - this is not completely true. Children are adopted for all sorts of reasons and sometimes they can be put up for adoption as soon as 24 hours after birth in the UK.