Feeling so sad about Dsis pregnancy

[Unreasonablygreeneyed]

NC because I don’t know if dsis is on here. I also know this is massively unreasonable and stupid of me. Please don’t be mean to me, I’m so upset.

My Dsis just called me and she is pregnant and I’m unreasonably jealous. I’ve just turned 35 and I’ve been ttc for almost 10 years, I’ve had three losses. My sister is 28 and just got pregnant on her first try.

She always gets what she wants first try, always. It makes me so mad and I hate that I’m so mad about it. She does so well in life, got a first at uni, got scholarships, had her dream career and then was able to transition easily into a different sector and has had a fantastic first year in her new career choice. She’s got a great guy, just bought an amazing new home and has a gorgeous step son too.

For me, I’ve struggled to get my career going, I struggle with my weight, we want to move house but can’t afford to, I am struggling with getting pregnant and repeated losses.

But she got pregnant on her first try and I’m so jealous about it.

@Unreasonablygreeneyed, hugs to you. I remember struggling with secondary infertility and receiving a message from my sister that not only was she pregnant for the second time, but was expecting twins. I had just had a miscarriage and it felt like such a punch in the gut. Reason is nothing to do with emotion.

I’d give Christmas Day a swerve OP. Look after your own mental well-being. I also would not tell them now that you’ll be absent because there’ll be all sorts of back-and-forths via text and accusations of envy from your mum that you can do without I’d imagine. Instead, act as if you’re going as planned, but a week before say that the nhs covid app has told you to self-isolate. Do what you need to do.

I have been in this situation too. I had been married for a few years and we had been trying for a while for a baby but nothing happened.

Anyway my younger by a good few years sibling got married and then a few months later they both came round to our house and announced that she was pregnant. I hadn't been expecting it at all. They were only just married. It was because I was older and the fact that it was going to be the first grandchild for my parents that I felt that they had taken that away from me. Obviously I was all "oh great news, congratulations, I am going to be an Aunt" but I was gutted. I literally took to bed and cried about it for days.

I found it hard to see her or take any interest in the pregnancy. As awful as this sounds I was wishing that it wasn't happening. I think my parents knew the news went down like a lead balloon as in conversations with them, talk about her or the baby was never mentioned.

I did get pregnant and now have two children but I was everything at the time, upset, teary, jealous so I know what it is like.

I think it's completely natural to feel this way tbh.

However I'll say that my sister has viewed me as you view your sister in the past. We aren't close at all and a large part of that is because I've often felt she was willing me to fail. And also, my life wasn't and isn't as perfect as she made out.

GreenClock that’s a good idea, I might do that. Or say we’ve been advised to isolate because of DH job.

thaegumathteth I don’t want my sister to fail. I’m very proud of her. But it doesn’t stop me feeling a failure, or wishing I have got some of the things she has.