MIL told children I drank when I was pregnant

[IndieRo]

So exactly as the title says. My mil told my DD's that I drank alcohol on one of my daughters and that's why she wasn't born as big as her sister. This is an absolute lie, I never drank alcohol on any of my children. I only really started to have the occasional drink when my youngest was 2, I was 32 at that stage. This all happened about 10 weeks ago.My daughters visited mil as she lives around the corner, DD's are 10 and 12. They came home and said, "Mammy, nanny said you drank on Dd2. My DH immediately rang his mother and really let her have it. Mil said we took it wrong and that we were the problem. DH said she was to apologise to me and that he could not let the children visit until she apologised. She has not apologised and our DC have not seen or spoken to her since. They want to see her and I feel so bad for them but mil has form. Far too much to write here but she has always thrown snide comments at me when DH wasn't around. In the last 4 years DH has seen her true colours and let's her away with nothing now. I just don't know what to do. I feel bad for keeping the children from her but it's also not OK for her to tell lies about me. What do I do?

Oh and just as a disclaimer, I was incredibly ill on DD2 with spd and then swine flu so lost my appetite so my diet wasn't as god as when I had DD1 but DD2 still weighed 9lbs 7 and was and is perfectly healthy.

Some people would rather lose everything then admit they are wrong.
I get the feeling you’ll be waiting a long time for an apology.
Leave her to it.

You have had some fantastic advice on here OP. Be grateful that you and your husband are on the same page. Imagine if he wasn't, how much worse this would all be. It is his parent and he has said they are not to go and while you are agreeing then stick together with this. I think the children as old enough to be told an age appropriate explanation of what had happened so far. They won't understand so much without a back story. There is no harm in saying that while she can be a lovely granny she has been not so nice to you and that is why you don't see her. But that now she is not being so nice to the children, making comments about you, that she needs to say sorry for what she has done. If she does then I would only let your DH do supervised visits with them. She can't be trusted and may start making one a favourite over the other.

@justasking111

Blocked her on phone, moved house changed number ex directory still she found me through her nhs friend.

Just wondering how she managed to find you via her NHS friend - surely the friend didn't find out your contact details for her?

[quote iwantmyownicecreamvan]@justasking111

Blocked her on phone, moved house changed number ex directory still she found me through her nhs friend.

Just wondering how she managed to find you via her NHS friend - surely the friend didn't find out your contact details for her?[/quote]
Yes indeed.
That would be a potentially sackable offence.

But it's more than your DM apologising then resuming visits. You might want your DH to accompany your DC if you do let them visit so she can't hurt them to get at you or hurt them because she can.

The visits to MIL should only happen with your DH present.
If that means not as often and onoy at weekends, so be it. That's the reality for many grandparants/grandchildren anyway.

But yes don't let them go there on their own. You've known about that one but she is probably saying much more than that that your dcs aren't telling you about (because they don't see as an issue or that outragious etc...)

Btw I've had some grandparents like this.
The difference is that my parents enabled them and were for ever smoothing things over. It's not fun.

Tbh I think this is all totally over the top dramatics. Tell the kids it’s not true, call mil and listen to why she said it, tell her you’re angry and will not tolerate this bullshit, forgive & move on.

It doesn't sound as if you need to do anything OP. Your husband is taking care of it. Nice to hear for a change.

Tell them grandmas shrinking because she does crack on the weekends.
No obviously don't say that but no more unsupervised visits. She can't adore them that much if she's commenting on your dd's shorter stature, regardless what reason she gives for it.

What an awful thing for her to say. No wonder you & DH are annoyed. All she will do is drive her son & GC away by being so bloody rude about you. She sounds very jealous of you.