This is a strange one I'll grant you

[Doublebubblebubble]

This is fully lighthearted! But can any parents with newborns or little ones remind me why I don't want to be broody.

Okay, so here goes, if this is in the wrong spot to post this let me know. Basically I have 2 children, 10 and 5, I have been pregnant 5 times, have had a stillbirth of twins and 2 miscarriages. My partner has had a vasectomy and I have a coil, the problem is my mirena is due to be replaced in early december and I keep thinking, maybe, just maybe, if I dont get it replaced and just get it removed I could fall pregnant, 1million to 1 but a chance lol. Hubby obv wouldnt be happy and nor would i really. I genuinely hate being pregnant -it makes me super anxious, I get hyperemesis everytime too. but I am so damn broody at the moment. I wake up in the morning, baby. I go to bed at night, baby. I'm thinking of babies more than christmas. 2 of my friends are pregnant at the moment as well so I blame them.

Remind me why not to have another child. Make me not broody please

I have two. DC2 is 10 months old. He’s adorable. He s also completely fucking feral and highly mobile. Keeps getting stuck places he shouldn’t be. I’m not actually going to tell you how long it takes me to put together, serve, feed and clear breakfast (which is a cereal/fruit type job before you start imagining eggs Benedict or anything) because it’s just embarrassing.

I’m either constantly lunging and shouting “DC2, no! Don’t climb that! Leave the cat alone! No, we don’t eat mud/screws - how the hell did that fall out?/our brother’s felt tips that got left out” or I’m distracted by the wailing as he’s confined to the high chair/Jumperoo. This is after baby proofing everything I can, by the way.

I can leave DC1 unsupervised (albeit not with felt tips ) while I get breakfast and it takes about 45 seconds. I can go to the toilet by myself. Occasionally. I can leave the house with just a handbag. We have a similar age gap to you so have gone right back, just as friends are becoming increasingly liberated.

DC1 fucked up my wrists as I had terrible carpal and cubital tunnel syndrome and it caused nerve damage. DC2 fucked up my hips and I’m forking out for private physio to enable me to walk while only slightly achey rather than in serious pain. Apparently pelvic pain disappears the moment the baby is born. Not for me.

DC2 is teething and is biting my nipples. Ever had anyone bite your nipples, hard? Trust me. It hurts.

You’re getting to the stage where you can have nice flooring and think about a new sofa. We have the world’s worst carpet which we can’t possibly replace (for reasons other than kids, to be fair) because: weaning. He can fling beyond the edge of the plastic mat now as well.

I haven’t had an unbroken night’s sleep for about 18 months because I don’t sleep well when pregnant either and I don’t breed sleepers.

If you have a third, you might need a bigger house and car.

And childcare! If you have to pay for it - so much money for under-3s. You don’t want to pay nursery/childminder fees again, do you?

Piles.
Episiotomy- jaggy stitches- can't sit down.
Babies vomit in your underwear.
They feed and feed and feed and you have not had a bath for days. After all that feeding you think you have time for a shower and some food. Nope, it doesn't work like that, before you have had a chance to eat, they need to feed again.
Constant exhaustion in pregnancy and for months afterwards.
Your clothes get covered in breast milk. The laundry pile escalates. Meanwhile your other children need your attention too.

I wanted more but am now glad we stopped when we did.

The piles, the aching body, the stretch marks, the destroyed pelvic floor (sob sob)

@MyCatShopsAtAldi its really what you forget. My DS was 9.5months when he started walking. 10months when he started climbing. Hes tall too so it wasnt long until he started trying to climb on the stair gates. Weve moved house now and we have a spiral-y staircase.

I cant be panicking all the time again!

Don't forget the first post-birth poo where you worry your stitches - either fanny or caesarean - will somehow burst open and your insides will fall out.

The special kind of hell that is softplay, each child adds another ten years onto that particular sentence.

The "catch ALLLLLLLL of the germs" stage they go through when they first start childcare/nursery/school where it feels like you spend months on end with a constantly poorly child or a child that is constantly bringing vomiting bugs into the house (that, naturally, everyone in the house catches).

The potential for being the oldest mum on the yard and hearing another child ask your child "is that your gran?". The embarrassment!

The funny fuckers who think anyone with more than two children must have either met a new partner ("do they all have the same dad?") or had an unplanned pregnancy ("was it on our purpose!?") and will think nothing about commenting on it.

The shoes! Oh my lord, the shoes! My front hallway is around 80% shoes. Shoe rack? Empty. Wellies, slippers, school shoes, trainers, dance shoes, boots, Heelys - fucking everywhere. And while we're on the subject of shoes, the expense of them. School shoes x4, wellies x4, trainers for PE x4 is easily £300 if not more.

Toddler TV. You think Mr Tumble is bad? Wait until you meet Blippi, Cocomelon, Baby Bum, and fucking Cailou.

Do you ever find yourself able to just 'pop' somewhere now? Shops, hairdressers, quick drink after work ? Babies stop that, the ability to think, "oh I need to quickly run out and get..." can't do that with a baby. Also, in the very late stages of pregnancy when you cannot quickly get up from a low chair.

They turn into teenagers and you would have 19 years of having at least one teenager to cope with 😳

Some babies scream and scream constantly 18 hours a day and you need to return to work early to get a break from it...

The other day, my toddler DS blew his snotty nose in my hair. It was so disgusting.

That is easy!
You will not wake up in the morning yerning for a baby, baby will wake you up every two hours for days on end, till you no longer know whether is day or night!
Your house would be full of weird staff that takes all the space: changing mat/ furniture, night light, baby monitor, baby bath, cot, bottles and sterilizer, pacifier, baby rocker, car seat, pram, baby gym, clothes, nappies..... name it!
They do need an accessory for each litte part of their life! It takes up to five years of getting rid of all the equipment and getting back to put a coat on, grab keys, off you go!
Feeling any less broody now?

Best luck with your mum's cancer

@mynameiscalypso

The other day, my toddler DS blew his snotty nose in my hair. It was so disgusting.

@mynameiscalypso my daughter puked in my mouth when she was about 6 weeks old.

I know they say women forget the pain of labour (which is true) but we (or maybe its just me) also forget a lot of the worst moments too.

Everyone is reminding me so well. Its all coming back to me now! Thank you!

@Doublebubblebubble DS puked in my wardrobe earlier today. I'd already blanked it from my mind because there's just so many disgusting things they do!

11 month old son is weaning. Ate sweetcorn. Poo was really sloppy. I could count the sweetcorn.

They randomly scream at night. They don't need me, i don't even get out of beds they just scream to wake me up

Soontbeyll be able to walk and I'll have a few years of my pees being watched and then trying to get theirs in the loo.

Put a ringtone of a baby's cry on your phone. Set it for 2am, 2.30, 3am, 3.05, 3.49 and so on. Then do the same for tomorrow. And the next day. And again.

Op if he's had a vasectomy is it worth coming off your contraception so your hormones are less affected? But i get you, and i think it's remarkable after everything you've been through you're still standing.

Enjoy (when the frigging pandemic bogs off) the limited new freedoms and the new experiences

I have not had a poo on my own for nearly 4 years...

Offer to babysit for your friends, ideally when the baby gets a stomach bug that it then passes to you and your entire family.

Don't forget the first post-birth poo where you worry your stitches - either fanny or caesarean - will somehow burst open and your insides will fall out

This! Your vag has been ripped to sheds and then your bum hole has too.

I remember going for a poo (just after giving birth) that was bigger than my baby. I thought I would pass out

They destroy your body and then turn into teenagers.

Pahahaha, can tell you haven't experienced the joy of teenagers yet. Swear to God teenagers evolve to put off old lady mums from having one last stab at procreating. 😬

I'm broody..and so old it's not even feasible...but my DD2 is preganant and oooh I want one
Realistically it's not going to happen for you either if your partner has had a vasectomy.. so just let it pass..it will.

Oh and yeah teenagers. I had 4...all at the SAME time. It was hideous....

@bibliomania
I think you may be an evil genius. Brilliant!

@SleepingStandingUp im umming and ahhing about it only because my current mirena has been in for 5 years and is due to be replaced anyway. So, because dp has had the op im in two minds on replacing it. I do like the no periods but at the same time I would like to give my body a couple of months break. Since ive been 16 ive always had the pill, been pregnant or had an IUD. I asked when I had my son (via emcs) if the doctors wouldnt mind giving me a hysterectomy (and a tummy tuck) whilst they were down there but they just laughed, and every dr has said im still too young to be sterilised. Its really annoying.

@StillMedusa I still have 3 teenagers only the eldest is past that. It is hideous because you can no longer kiss it all better and they cost so much money...

Go and look at cute rompers in the supermarket and imagine them after poounami.

That kills it dead for me. Also work out how old you would be by the time they are 16 and you could go out on a whim without them at anytime of day or night.