Autistic adult son ..please help

[Pringlemonster]

My son is early 20s ,lives at home ,has become increasingly stressed at noise ,we have dogs and they bark ,that sets him off.
Neighbours make noise ,and he gets stressed
Today he has been out and “told off” two different neighbors for making noise .he says next time he will not be so polite.
I’m so going to have their husbands round later.
He says he will come down and tell the husbands the same .
I can’t get through to him to stop
Anyone else had similar
This is going to cause neighbour wars

I'm not an expert but I have a 19 yr old DS with autism.
Does you son have a history of this type of anxiety and irritation with things? Can you pinpoint what might have led to this? Is he ill, does he have earache? (Sorry, some people with autism can't always make these things clear). As he seems to have some higher function - the way he has thought out his future actions- can you sit down or go out somewhere quiet and talk through what is happening? I'm thinking I would say ' the dogs bark every day, can you tell me why you don't like it now?' Has some of his routine been disrupted? Would getting out - yep, I know, covid19- help, maybe expend some energy? Sorry if none of this helps and you've already thought of it.

Have you got anything to help him with the noise eg headphones, sorry if this is obvious.
Does he understand the police or violence can you visually show him something that will lead to police arrest and that he needs to do something else to help with the noise?.. Eg wear headphones and if he does you'll give him something he likes?

Hi
I have taken over Father duties with my Grandchildren
We have
three Autistic Grandchildren the 2 eldest are non verbal
My eldest DGS is 10 he is non verbal he is becoming very strong physically and a bit out of control (me and my daughter have spoken about when he hits puberty) Could i ask do you have a strong male figure around ?

By strong i mean good (Autistic or not he is a young man )

I'm autistic and noise can be absolute hell. Headphones or earplugs may be an option. Do you have an adult autism service in your area who could help with strategies to deal with noise?

He needs a set of adult ear defenders. You need to send Xmas cards to all the neighbours early and inside simply mention that your neurodiverse son is über sensitive to noise right now so if he mentions it to them, to please be kind/humour him but not to engage as you are trying to sort a solution.

Dd has noise cancelling headphones, really helps

Im fully diagnosed Autistic i used to listen to people tell me how to be how to behave Afraid just to be me
It wasnt until my youngest dgs was born and all of a sudden as he learnt to read before age 4 without help i saw myself
just because we are different it doesnt mean we cant complain
Im just asking is he wrong or does he have a point

The autistic adult in our house wears noise cancelling headphones especially in summer when there are noises from the children next door.

Obviously we can't stop them playing out and making normal noise, nor can we afford to live in a place with lots of land.

@Grandfather

Im fully diagnosed Autistic i used to listen to people tell me how to be how to behave Afraid just to be me It wasnt until my youngest dgs was born and all of a sudden as he learnt to read before age 4 without help i saw myself just because we are different it doesnt mean we cant complain Im just asking is he wrong or does he have a point

But just up th thread you were asking if the OP’s son had a ‘strong male figure’ in his life and implying he needed discipline?

I doubt the OP would be posting if her son was making a justified noise complaint in a civil manner. The fact that she anticipates having both neighbours’ husbands around later suggests he’s been either rude or unreasonable about normal noise levels, to which he may be unduly sensitive.

Terrible Lets hand out headphones to Autistic kids Maybe we could blindfold them too
Anything but recognise they are people (I notice no one has questioned the neighbours )

Strong Male figure is protective not dominant (i never had a man show me how to be a man so i muddled through

Well if the noise is making it impossible for him then something needs to change. Double glazing, soundproofing, headphones.....findaway.

@Grandfather

Strong Male figure is protective not dominant (i never had a man show me how to be a man so i muddled through

Either way, what does that have to do with the OP’s son’s noise complaints!

Seconding everyone who asking about noise cancelling headphones, I have autism and they're a total lifesaver for me as I'm very sound sensitive. And could you drop a note explaining to the neighbours that he is autistic?

@Grandfather

Terrible Lets hand out headphones to Autistic kids Maybe we could blindfold them too Anything but recognise they are people (I notice no one has questioned the neighbours )

You are being ridiculous comparing it to a blindfold, if hes sound sensitive, why is it terrible to suggest a product that will help with that?

No i see the OP position and i think reach a compromise
Buying noise cancelling headphones is giving in
Maybe the neighbours could keep the noise down too ?

Noise cancelling headphones are lovely.

The OP made it sound like it was general living noise from the neighbours and their own dog barking that he was sensitive to.

This is similar to the autistic person in our family. We can't tell next doors children to be quiet in the garden if they're just playing. If they were screaming or shouting then we'd ask them to keep it down.

He's also set off by the family dogs. Op says he's increasingly stressed by noise. It's not giving in to use a tool that will help with this problem as it's not just the neighbours that are stressing him.

I dont have any experience in this area but if I were ur neighbour and u came and explained this situation to me I'd like to think I would b understanding. Maybe worth just letting them know your sons situation.

Pringlemaster

Sit down with your son and listen
Decide for yourself if noise is unreasonable
You say if your son complains
you will have their men to contend with
He is sensing you are afraid of men
He is becoming a Man
he is not afraid
I like the sound of him
I would stand with him anyday

Grandfather what the heck are you on about. She’s not afraid of men, she quite reasonably wants to avoid unnecessary conflict with her neighbours. Ear defenders/ noise cancelling headphones are not giving in, they’re a solution to a problem that hopefully resolved difficulties for all concerned.

@Grandfather

Pringlemaster Sit down with your son and listen Decide for yourself if noise is unreasonable You say if your son complains you will have their men to contend with He is sensing you are afraid of men He is becoming a Man he is not afraid I like the sound of him I would stand with him anyday

I think you have got the wrong end of so many sticks here, they’re difficult to count, @Grandfather.

Please don’t pass on this macho nonsense to your grandchildren.

Tbf I'm a high functioning austitic adult and neighbour noise and dogs are terrible to me. Headphones don't work for me as I hate things on my ears so I got an anxiety cube and play with it when I'm triggered it really helps calm me, has he got something like that? I get what @Grandfather means he's not trying to be obtuse, but if the neighbours or dog noise is insesent maybe you could try to explain to the neighbours?