Any priests/vicars/registrars out there - raising objections at a wedding?

[Fiftyandmore]

Has anyone done this, or had it done to them? Or know of anyone who's done it/had it done?

I can't imagine it happens often, if ever. And what would happen if someone did object?! Be interesting to hear if anyone has experience of this.

Why are you planning to object at one? Never heard of it.

My understanding is that you have to have a specific, genuine reason to object, eg the groom is still legally married to someone else. You can’t object just because you don’t like one of the participants or because you saw one of them cop off with someone on the stag do.

I think duress is another legitimate objection.

Incest would be one. Or if it’s a church wedding and one person has been divorced and not declared it

No I'm not planning to object @nosswith. Just curious as to whether it really happens.

If you had valid concerns wouldn't you raise them before the wedding ceremony?

In CofE churches the banns of marriage are read out in public for three weeks, so people do have opportunity to raise objections before the actual wedding (not sure of other churches but presume theres something similar). So the question in the wedding ceremony is more of a 'speak now or forever hold your peace' kind of thing.

Sorry not a vicar so no idea how often it actually happens!

Yes, I know someone who did this. There was uproar in the church but after a delay of a couple of hours, the wedding went ahead.

I asked my vicar uncle this once. He estimated that he’s married around 500+ couples in 3 parishes, and this had never happened.

There are often threads on reddit etc about this.

It does seem to happen fairly often, but the reasons are rarely, if ever, genuine. More likely mad MIL protests type of thing.

My understanding is that if a genuine concern is raised, the vicar/registra goes off with people concerned and looks at evidence. If think it si genuine, they have to stop the wedding until they can sort it out. Eg if there is a marriage certificate, then until the groom/bride can procude a divorce certificate, they cannot proceed

I'm friends with a vicar and he had training on what to do (take the complainer into the vestry and ask them the problem; if it's a real legal objection then talk to the b&g separately to find out whether it's true).

He's quite disappointed that he's never had to put it into practice!

I was a wedding planner for about 15 years, my gosh some of the stories I could tell you!
One that springs to mind was a couple saying their vows, when a woman come bursting into the room screaming "that's my husband, your marrying my husband" she ran straight for the bride and got ruby tackled by a guest just before she reached her. She was kicking and screaming, bride was in tears, groom was shouting, wedding guest in various states of shock, it turned out that she was the ex wife but she just wanted to kick off! It all turned out ok and the wedding went ahead but I don't think the bride had a particularly good day.
Another was during the toast when the groom got up and said "thank you to my PIL for paying for this beautiful wedding and thank you to my wife for a shagging my best man for the past year, I'm now going on our honeymoon and will be filing for divorce. Hope my family enjoys the rest of the party" and he just walked out. Needless to say there was a lot of tears and stress that day!

@purpleboy That reminds me of a friend who came home after only 2 days of her honeymoon and ran off with the best man. They are still together 30 years later.

🙈 these things happen quite often, if they are still together though then you could argue she made the right choice!

The only valid reasons are legal reasons. There are very few legal reasons people can't get married, eg they are already married to someone else, they are related and don't know it, etc.

The dramatic, "He can't marry you, he loves ME" Soap-style objections are just for drama!

Oh @purpleboy that story of the grooms speech!!

My friend was at a wedding and there was a punch up during the speeches (not sure why) and the father of the bride just screeched to the band to "play something! Play anything" and then there was awkward dancing to try and detract attention from whatever had gone on!

My future mother in law (late seventies) has been separated from her husband for decades. No idea why they never divorced. They didn't even divide assets as he still owns half of what was the family home. She announced in September that she'd met a new partner and they were getting married. No mention of planning to divorce. My mother was joking about someone doing this if she doesn't get her act together.

Not a clergyperson myself, but closely related to one. He did once refuse to marry a couple because he discovered right before the ceremony that they had already got married somewhere else (Bahamas I think) the week before and had just returned. Apparently it doesn't matter if the existing marriage is to each other.

In CofE churches the banns of marriage are read out in public for three weeks, so people do have opportunity to raise objections before the actual wedding (not sure of other churches but presume theres something similar). So the question in the wedding ceremony is more of a 'speak now or forever hold your peace' kind of thing.

I don't know if this is a Scottish thing, or a Catholic thing, but banns aren't read here. There is usually something in the parish newsletter, but no formal reading of the banns.

@purpleboy Why would the groom go through with the wedding until the reception before leaving? That sounds unnecessarily dramatic.

Im a vicar and have taken loads of weddings. If someone objects I would technically have to stop the ceremony but it’s never happened to me. An objection has to be a lawful objection and I’ve already been through all of those questions with the couple so, unless they’ve lied, I know there are no grounds to object. But I believe I’d still have to stop the ceremony and the claim would be investigated

And of course the Banns are read in the parish where the wedding is happening and the parish/ parishes where the couple live, if different, so people have opportunity to object.

Ive had a couple of dramatic wedding rehearsals where things have kicked off, but all my weddings have been happy and uneventful thankfully!

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet

Not a clergyperson myself, but closely related to one. He did once refuse to marry a couple because he discovered right before the ceremony that they had already got married somewhere else (Bahamas I think) the week before and had just returned. Apparently it doesn't matter if the existing marriage is to each other.

In CofE churches the banns of marriage are read out in public for three weeks, so people do have opportunity to raise objections before the actual wedding (not sure of other churches but presume theres something similar). So the question in the wedding ceremony is more of a 'speak now or forever hold your peace' kind of thing.

I don't know if this is a Scottish thing, or a Catholic thing, but banns aren't read here. There is usually something in the parish newsletter, but no formal reading of the banns.

The reading of the banns became a requirement to a legal marriage in England and Wales in the mid-1700s with Harwicke's Marriage Act (there were other conditions attached too). That act was not adopted in Scotland however, which resulted in underage people eloping to Scotland (and Gretna Green) to get married.

The reading of the banns became a requirement to a legal marriage in England and Wales in the mid-1700s with Harwicke's Marriage Act (there were other conditions attached too). That act was not adopted in Scotland however, which resulted in underage people eloping to Scotland (and Gretna Green) to get married.
See, time is not wasted on MN. It's educational!

[quote premmie09]@purpleboy Why would the groom go through with the wedding until the reception before leaving? That sounds unnecessarily dramatic. [/quote]
it sounds like because the brides parents were footing the bill, so this was maximum revenge

I went to a wedding last year (in a hotel not a church) where the registrar said something along the lines of 'if anyone objects and it isn't a genuine objection then you are breaking the law and the police will be called. Please don't object to try and be funny'.