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Original poster

Any priests/vicars/registrars out there - raising objections at a wedding?

72 replies

Fiftyandmore · 25/11/2020 08:25

Has anyone done this, or had it done to them? Or know of anyone who's done it/had it done?

I can't imagine it happens often, if ever. And what would happen if someone did object?! Be interesting to hear if anyone has experience of this.

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 25/11/2020 22:41

At my brothers wedding there was an objection. The 4 year old page boy decided that the bride should be marrying him Grin

SweatyBetty20 · 25/11/2020 22:50

My friend’s wife objected when one of his other friends was getting married to an awful woman. It wasn’t quite duress but he was just going through the motions and didn’t really want to marry her. Friend’s wife very protective of the groom - the three of them have been friends for 30 years. Friend’s wife got pulled into the vestry, then the bride and groom. They eventually got married but friend’s wife now persona non grata with the new bride. She doesn’t regret objecting for a second.

Yubaba · 25/11/2020 22:52

The banns are also up in the registry office before the wedding if you have a civil ceremony, we found out DH uncle was getting married to his mistress second wife when we went to register FIL death and read the details on the wall Shock he didn’t even tell his mother he was getting married.

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dannydyerismydad · 25/11/2020 22:57

I was in the church choir as a youngster, so often went to 3 weddings a week.

On a particularly miserable Saturday the priest asked the question and an almighty clap of thunder followed. That was ominous.

movingonup20 · 25/11/2020 23:17

My friend is a retired Vicar and been ordained 60 years, he's never had someone object because I asked him

Marmite27 · 28/11/2020 07:32

@Marmite27

At my brothers wedding there was an objection. The 4 year old page boy decided that the bride should be marrying him Grin
The registrar said (nicely) unfortunately because he was under 18 he couldn’t stop the wedding and claim the bride Grin
falcon5 · 29/11/2020 08:06

Not in UK. Small Carribean island. Objection was that although bride and groom didn't know it, there was reason to believe they might be half siblings because of a affair years previously. Note: I was young and not at the wedding myself but heard all the older ladies chattering about it. No idea what happened on the end.

knittingaddict · 29/11/2020 09:05

I know of one, although I wasn't there. It is definitely true though as it came from a close friend of myself and the groom's family and a very trusted source.

It was the bride's family who objected, although the brother did the actual deed. They belonged to a strict Christian faith in the US. The wedding was in the UK and the groom was a Christian and a lovely man, but the family had some weird and extreme views. The vicar (a woman) gave everyone a minute, listened to the objection, which was obvious ridiculous and the wedding continued as planned. All very odd, but I think the family were odd.

knittingaddict · 29/11/2020 09:09

The thing is that you need a proper legal reason, like bigamy to stand a chance of an objection stopping the wedding. You can't just object because you don't like the bride or groom. Well you can try, but it won't stop the wedding.

My mil was very mentally ill and my husband was seriously worried that she would do something like that. Fortunately she didn't come to our wedding.

knittingaddict · 29/11/2020 09:24

Another was during the toast when the groom got up and said "thank you to my PIL for paying for this beautiful wedding and thank you to my wife for a shagging my best man for the past year, I'm now going on our honeymoon and will be filing for divorce. Hope my family enjoys the rest of the party" and he just walked out. Needless to say there was a lot of tears and stress that day!

I always thought that was an urban legend.

Fifthtimelucky · 29/11/2020 09:38

My favourite scene from 'The Vicar of Dibley' is that bit in Alice and Hugo's wedding when a woman dramatically announces that the wedding cannot go ahead because the groom is already married to her.

Everyone gasps and as Hugo turns round in shock she says 'oh sorry, wrong wedding'!

It's better on screen than in my description.

Badnessinthefolds · 29/11/2020 10:32

I've heard on the grapevine (friend of a friend etc) of a wedding that was interrupted because of a belief it was a sham marriage for visa purposes. All investigated and the wedding went ahead in the end but presumably that's another legitimate reason to object

OneEpisode · 29/11/2020 10:43

My mum was a church warden in town centre church, near bus stops etc so very open to the public.
There would be a rota of reliable people to sit around the church to ensure that any disrupters, including objectors were promptly moved into the side room where the vicar (or curate if he was doing the service) could talk to them.
My mum would sit in the chair next to the aisle. She had a tall wooden batton attached to the pew. Wikipedia calls this “Wardens’ Staves, also known as Wardens’ Wands or Prodders,”
She intervened twice, never used the stick.

haircutsRus · 29/11/2020 10:47

I used to work with someone who was in a church choir, and so was present at a lot of weddings. She told us of one occasion when, at the vital moment, the groom said that yes, he did have an objection and said that he knew that the bride had slept with the best man a couple of days previously. He then turned round and walked down the aisle and out of the church.

Shock
TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/11/2020 10:53

On some level I am always a bit disappointed when that short pause passes without someone jumping up or crashing through the church door shouting "STOP!"

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/11/2020 10:55

OneEpisode I never knew about any of this (especially the big stick) - that's so interesting!

Passmeabottlemrjones · 29/11/2020 11:03

@knittingaddict

Another was during the toast when the groom got up and said "thank you to my PIL for paying for this beautiful wedding and thank you to my wife for a shagging my best man for the past year, I'm now going on our honeymoon and will be filing for divorce. Hope my family enjoys the rest of the party" and he just walked out. Needless to say there was a lot of tears and stress that day!

I always thought that was an urban legend.

Yes, I did too. Along with the 'best man wearing a kilt sitting on the brides lap at the reception and leaving a massive skid mark on her dress' urban legend Grin
Ellmau · 29/11/2020 11:04

The reading of the banns became a requirement to a legal marriage in England and Wales in the mid-1700s with Hardwicke's Marriage Act (there were other conditions attached too). That act was not adopted in Scotland however, which resulted in underage people eloping to Scotland (and Gretna Green) to get married.

Another point of which was that the minimum age for marriage without parental consent was 16 in Scotland and 21 in England.

Mummyratbag · 29/11/2020 11:47

We were warned - anyone objects then the police are called. Only valid reasons bigamy or bride and groom related. I wonder if the vicar had seen his share of jokers!

Bearfrills · 29/11/2020 12:33

When we were married the vicar doing the service told us at the rehearsal that if anyone objected, even just for a "joke", the ceremony would be ended at that point and he would not continue with it at all that day so we would have to either rebook or finish getting married elsewhere.

MIL did seriously threaten to object as she thought DH was being coerced (sigh) but FIL had words with her beforehand and she didn't. She did however refuse to be in any photographs with me and went table to table at the reception telling everyone that she was waiting until after the honeymoon to say her piece, that I was no good for DH, and that it would never last. Fun times!

knittingaddict · 29/11/2020 13:41

I think I meant urban myth rather than urban legend. Blush

I once had a lovely man, in the church group we sometimes went to, tell us a story as if it had happened to him or a close friend. He was completely sincere and definitely not joking. The story he told was this, although I think the black man was someone other than Eddie Murphy.

www.snopes.com/fact-check/hit-the-floor/

Never looked at him the same way again. Why do people do this?

Seeingadistance · 29/11/2020 13:42

@Ellmau

The reading of the banns became a requirement to a legal marriage in England and Wales in the mid-1700s with Hardwicke's Marriage Act (there were other conditions attached too). That act was not adopted in Scotland however, which resulted in underage people eloping to Scotland (and Gretna Green) to get married.

Another point of which was that the minimum age for marriage without parental consent was 16 in Scotland and 21 in England.

Even younger than 16. Until 1929 girls could marry at 12 and boys at 14, without parental consent.

www.nrscotland.gov.uk/registration/getting-married-in-scotland/minimum-age-for-marriage-in-scotland

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