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Original poster

How much time completely alone at home do you have?

156 replies

ExpectTheWorst · 24/11/2020 17:07

Is it enough / too much / just right? And do you think it's important?

I noticed last lockdown (we are not in UK btw) that with the children home all the time I never had a minute where I was alone in the house any more. I usually have every morning (kids in nursery/school, husband at work), and I missed it so much. I hadn't realised it was so important to me to have this quiet time.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 25/11/2020 01:01

@Titsywoo

It's actually the reason I stay at reading until 1am - at least I feel a bit alone as noone is talking to me!
Can definitely identify with that!
Titsywoo · 25/11/2020 01:11

My dh is the same @thenightsky - lots of talking and if I'm working in our office space too I have to listen to all of them on the call as he doesn't use headphones. I know so much about all the company issues and office politics I could basically be a member of staff myself. One thing I found hard this year was the loss of my mini break. I go away by myself (just a uk city break) every summer for 2 nights and it completely refreshes me. I pray I can go next year. Dd is sitting gcses next summer and this academic year has been stressful already and can only get worse!

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 25/11/2020 02:44

The vast majority of it alone, 90-95% probably. I view it as essential and wouldn't have it any other way. Partner and I tend to spend every other weekend at the other person's home, but it's not a hard and fast rule and we're comfortable with moving that if it doesn't suit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Readandwalk · 25/11/2020 02:50

Grnunine question. Why create and live in a situation with people you either created or choose to live with and then resent it?

VashtaNerada · 25/11/2020 02:52

Oh god that’s depressing, I never get time alone. I’m either at work or at home with DH and the kids. There may have been the occasional moment over the years when DH has taken the DC shopping because I’m ill in bed or something but I can’t remember the last time that happened.

wellthatsunusual · 25/11/2020 03:01

About a year ago I had a couple of days off work sick. Kids were at school and husband was at work. I think that's the last time I was properly alone. I remember thinking how much I would have enjoyed it if I hadn't felt so ill. I lay on the sofa wrapped in blankets watching Netflix and snoozing.

Champagneforeveryone · 25/11/2020 03:03

I've always known it was important to me and lockdown only proved it irrefutably.

Today and tomorrow should have been blissful peace as DS and DH toddled off to college and work respectively. I was genuinely excited by the thought and was secretly incandescent with rage peeved when DS was advised he had been a close contact of a positive case (again!) so will now be at home.

Readandwalk · 25/11/2020 03:08

Again I ask. If you have children ( who didn't ask to be born), and a partner ( who is an adult and can live elsewhere), what did you expect?

We all make choices , we all ultimately choose our living circumstances. The pandemic may have thrown a stark light on these choices but if you have had children and a partner from choice what did you expect?

coronafiona · 25/11/2020 03:20

Zero. I crave time alone in my own house to potter around!

VashtaNerada · 25/11/2020 03:20

@Readandwalk You can see from this thread that there is variation for those with DC and a partner. Some have time alone whilst their DC are at school and partner is at work. Some don’t have time alone. As one who doesn’t have time alone I certainly don’t resent the rest of my family! But this thread has given me pause for thought. DH can occasionally WFH which I can’t. This thread has made me consider whether DH could occasionally take the DC out somewhere on the weekend so I have a bit of quiet time alone. So yes, I have control over my situation. I’m not sure I understand your point? I don’t think anyone regrets their entire life choices, it’s just interesting to consider if there could be tweaks to be made.

AgnesNaismith · 25/11/2020 03:35

None.....and I need some! I used to spend every daytime in the week alone and I loved it. Resentment is kicking in.

junglepie · 25/11/2020 06:17

about 45 mins in a morning from about 8 untill I leave for work. Unless I am in work early. orthe dc are not in school (like next 2 weeks for dd) Then I am either at work or dc and dh are home. Maybe once or twice a year I book a day's annual leave when dc and dh are at work/school exactly just to have a day on my own!

speakout · 25/11/2020 06:25

None.

Westiegirl3 · 25/11/2020 06:40

10 hours a day for me, recently made redundant and I'm now home on my own whilst DH is at work and I'm secretly loving it

randomsabreuse · 25/11/2020 07:03

Until March I did have alone time, DH could take DC out for the day, visit his parents for a weekend, I might go away for a weekend for my sport or by the same token I could take the kids out for a day at the weekend. I'd also probably have alone time in the car driving to some hobbies and was hoping to get back out to work (solo time on commute)

Thanks to being in tier 4 in Scotland we can't now go to the Safari Park (too far from our county) and it's winter so long day hikes are impractical. Won't be seeing family until vaccinations as they're old/vulnerable.

It's not a life choices thing, it's a massive change of circumstances from how life was set up before, when I did have enough alone time, family time and social time...

wellthatsunusual · 25/11/2020 07:05

@Readandwalk

Grnunine question. Why create and live in a situation with people you either created or choose to live with and then resent it?
It's not a case of resenting it. A desire for the occasional half hour to read a book without interruption, or do some yoga, or watch something on TV or just sit and stare out the window and daydream does not amount to resenting the rest of your family.

I absolutely detest the notion that once you become a wife and mother you're no longer allowed to have any desire to do something you might enjoy, just for yourself, because your happiness is now secondary to everyone else's.

PolarnOPirate · 25/11/2020 07:09

@wellthatsunusual here here!

Magnificentbeast · 25/11/2020 07:17

Well said @wellthatsunusual
I couldn't agree more!

speakout · 25/11/2020 07:31

I absolutely detest the notion that once you become a wife and mother you're no longer allowed to have any desire to do something you might enjoy, just for yourself, because your happiness is now secondary to everyone else's.

Well said!
I love my family dearly, but just because I am a wife and other doesn't mean that I don't need some space, solitude and peace to recharge and ground myself.

Snog · 25/11/2020 08:23

Cannot wait for DH to go back to the office!
Even 1 day a week would be good.

fucknuckle · 25/11/2020 11:20

thank you to people who acknowledged me, it helps a lot.

corythatwas · 25/11/2020 12:45

Again I ask. If you have children ( who didn't ask to be born), and a partner ( who is an adult and can live elsewhere), what did you expect?

That both dh and I would be working outside the home in the week. I certainly wouldn't have foreseen a situation where I'd be working far into the night because dh and I have to share scant office resources.

Seeing that my son is now a young adult, that there would be a time for each one of us when all the others were out of the house.

Actually, given the economic situation when I gave birth to said son, I might reasonably have expected that he would have been able to move from home once he got a fulltime job- as people in my generation did.

So no, not everything can be foreseen. The pandemic is causing extra stress that nobody had allowed for. We try to cope as well and as pleasantly as we can, make each other's life as pleasant as possible, but no, we didn't foresee this.

puttergal · 25/11/2020 13:15

Absolutely none at the moment, I'm getting used to it.
I also have pets who bombard me when I get home - especially if they are home alone.
Would love to just put my bags down, take off my coat and make a cup of tea without the bombardment - but I think those days have gone!

Original poster
ExpectTheWorst · 26/11/2020 12:12

@Readandwalk

Grnunine question. Why create and live in a situation with people you either created or choose to live with and then resent it?
But it's not just a choice between being childless and single OR having a family and everyone there all the time, is it? You try and find balance. If you have a partner, it's not unusal to expect them to sometimes be out of the house, is it? And likewise with kids, they have school, activities, friends etc. It's not all or nothing. The current situation has probably thrown many people in to a situation where they suddenly realise that that odd half a hour being at home alone was actually really really important.

@fucknuckle and anyone else feeling bad - I'm so so sorry :(

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 26/11/2020 12:32

Again I ask. If you have children ( who didn't ask to be born), and a partner ( who is an adult and can live elsewhere), what did you expect?

Well, presumably most people worked out of the home until recently. Children were at school (with the exception of holidays or illness) and weren't at home and needing attention for several weeks at at a time due to enforced quarantine.

People could also go shopping, to the movies, on holiday, out for meals and go and meet people outside of their households whenever they wanted.

I love my husband but I don't want to spend 24/7 with him - that's not healthy imo. Luckily he's still able to work out of the home, so for us, things haven't changed but if I'd had to spend every single day with him with no break since March, I'd be struggling massively. And he would be struggling too.

I don't think anyone bases their life decisions on what they'd do if they ended up in lockdown due to a global pandemic in ten years time Hmm