I'm pregnant and feel like I'm going to self harm. TW

[Riggsthedino]

I am currently 19 and a half weeks pregnant with a surprise baby. Although a initial shock o am working my hardest to give this baby the best possible life. I'm starting to plan a future. I previously really struggled with mental helath and self harm have had multiple sections and operations etc. since finding out about baby I've managed to stop. I'm know receiving very little support as evreyone assumes I'm fine ! Last few days it's been building up. I really feel like I might self harm. I've phoned duty mental helath team (my workers of) and they just said to distract myself and to phone if I was going to do something/did. They also said that most support is just watch and wait to see if I do somthing ! I'm so worried about haveing baby's taken of me. I really struggle this time of year. Alota going on. Planning for baby. I've got so much to do I'm not coping and I don't know what to do

Is there someone you can call now? I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

You’re not a failure, you had one slip up but it’s done now so there’s no point giving it headspace.

Everyone makes mistakes. There are no perfect people.

I called a family member they said forgot about it. Don't tell anyone

Did you take longer to get to that point than before? That would be a positive if you made a small step like that?.

Yes mass so my been building up for ages.

OP I'm sorry that you had to hurt yourself but I can see how hard you tried and all the tactics you used. You are human and lapses happen to all of us.

Are you safe? Can you clean the wound?

Ignore family member, perinatal can't help you if you aren't honest.

Don’t beat yourself up @Riggsthedino, just make sure you do whatever you need to clean and cover it to prevent any possible infection, and give your MH team a shout. You’ve done so well to keep fighting against that urge as long as you did.

Its a slip up, and you’ve done really well. It’s important to be realistic about things, change takes time. feeling bad about it is wasted energy, and will put you into a negative cycle. You can’t change it, so let it go. Look for the positives. if it is less harm than usual, then that’s still progress.

Be aware of the type of harm, so that you are lowering the risk of infection/cleaning the wound carefully. Also not losing too much blood.

Have you tried red food colouring in an ice cube? Using that on your skin may help.

Have you asked the perinatal team for a referral to the psychology team? Perhaps they can look at coping strategies with you.

Honesty is definitely the best policy, lies/omissions get found out. And then things are worse.

Hi Riggsthedino,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this -we wanted to share Mind's information with you - it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/helping-yourself-now

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide here.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.
We hope things feel better for you soon.

You are not a failure at all, you just need support and a helping hand. I've been there, I still have urges so I do know how you're feeling. I'm here to chat if you like? Favourite programme to watch? Netflix series? We could watch along together and chat about it.
Anything at all I'm happy to chat

@Riggsthedino how are you doing this morning?

I went to a&e got the wound seen and stapled and then got some support form mental helath liaison they were actually very useful! And said I had been failed in last week and they'll try there best to put things in place

@Riggsthedino How are you feeling today? I hope you're feeling a little bit better x Please don't think you're a failure at all, you're absolutely not so please don't feel that way.

Things are SO HARD at the moment, and I think sometimes people don't understand how difficult life can be right now for some. There is no support for people with MH problems, anywhere. It's not possible to employ the usual coping strategies (distraction being the main one) because of lockdown. Even if you know what you need to do to avoid engaging in destructive behaviour, you can't do it because it involves going out/removing yourself from a situation/ being in company etc which is not possible at the moment. And being unable to employ strategies that you know would work leads to feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness, which then in turn feeds into the need to give in to the negative impulse.

My situation is a bit different in that I have an alcohol addiction but I can relate so much to your position.

I hope that you're feeling ok today and don't blame yourself for being a human being with feelings. x

Cross post! So glad that mental health liason are going to help you

Well they aren’t wrong are they?.

First of all, it's an achievement to recognise that you need support. You've had good advice here but I self harmed a lot as a teenager, including during pregnancy, and no babies were removed. Obviously it's not ideal but struggling with your mental health doesn't necessarily make you an unfit parent. Hope you start feeling better very soon.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Reaching out for help takes a lot of strength. Well done.

Some ideas (sorry if you have already tried some/all of these):

Gentle yoga/stretching/or a guided meditation - loads on YouTube or you could try an app like Headspace

Colouring/drawing - I find it v calming.

Light hearted TV - Bake Off, Strictly, Masterchef.

Lists. Baby names? Dream holiday destinations for future years?Or a journal to write in or mind map in.

Keep reaching out and talking.

Hi OP
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I really just wanted to come on to say that self harming is in no way a failure. It is a coping strategy that the brain really likes, and becomes a habit easily (I won't patronise you with the brain chemicals as I'm sure you know about that x). Perhaps looking at it from the angle that this incident might help you get more support is the best way, shaming yourself will only make more self harm likely.

All the best x

Also remember you are not the first woman to do this, you are one of many & the baby has no idea what’s happened.

So glad you managed to get some sensible input from your MH team at last @Riggsthedino, hope that’s helped a little with worrying thoughts. You are doing so well, honestly you should be proud of yourself.