All time motherhood low

[Tingalingtortoise]

NC because I’m so embarrassed.
DS 2.5 years old has the most horrific tantrums, he has normal tantrums too but I can distract him out of them fairly easily. Today we met a friend for a walk with her 2 year old and they were playing on a wooden dragonfly having a good time. Then it was time to walk away, her DD came away happily ready for the next adventure. My DS started with a tantrum because he wanted to stay. I tried to distract him with going to see the ducks, let’s follow your friend etc. Then I realised it was one of his almighty tantrums where nothing helps. At home I put him in his bedroom and let him thrash it out there whilst I just sit calmly near him until eventually he tires out. On the walk I just tried to hold his hand and make him walk back home. He wouldn’t walk, his wellies kept falling off, I had to wrestle him, drag him, coax him all the way back to a road where I rang DH to come from work and drive him back because I couldn’t carry/wrestle him any further. It was awful. It was embarrassing. It’s an all time low for me and I never want to leave the house with him again. I’m now sat at home crying. This isn’t normal and I don’t know what to do. I’m a SAHM and days like this I just want to run away. I’ve never seen other kids turn into animals and thrash around in a fit of rage, snot and tears. What can I do

It honestly doesn’t sound That bad
Try n forget about it and start again

Start with a lecture before you go out

We will have a nice time and have hot chocolate when we get back

But if you play up or don’t come nicely we’ll have to leave straight away and no hot chocolate

Repeat and ask if he understands

I'm sorry, that sounds really tough.

I'm sure people will be along to give their insight into possible additional needs etc. From my experience, I recognise those tantrums and the child is now a completely calm, NT teenager (although does have an attitude the size of a mountain!) I'm sorry, I think some kids just really struggle expressing their emotions at that age.

Good luck!

This too shall pass... DS had tantrums like that aged 2. He's a lot better now (aged 4) although he still has his moments DS is a is a big strong child and I used to really struggle to physically control him when he was raging, which was tricky because he used to headbutt whatever was in front of him (walls, floor, me...) in his rage.

Don't get upset, although it is easier said than done. Some kids tantrum worse than others, and it feels like they are so much louder and worse than the other children, especially when they do it in public.

I had to drag him through a wood for 30 minutes, I dropped him twice, every time I let go he laid face down in mud. He thrashes around like a crocodile doing the death roll. It’s not a normal tantrum.

Is he at nursery?

@GaryWilmottsTeeth yes DS also headbutts everything. We have very hard floors so I have to put him in his carpeted bedroom to thrash it out else he can do some real damage sometimes. It’s horrific

Its horrid isn't it when you are out and about. I've had to walk out of morrisons as soon as we got there carrying my kicking and screaming 2 year old, put her back in the car and go straight home with no food for dinner. You are now on your own!

@nevernotstruggling he used to go for half a day per week but with Covid I pulled him out because my mum is vulnerable so I didn’t want him passing any germs on to her. After today I think it would be nice to have a break from each other.

that is just the toughest age. It goes from kids who have little melt downs to the full blown ones you've describes. It will pass but in the mean time sending you remote support. You're doing great.

My DN was like this yesterday. Poor DD got too close and got a wellie boot to to the face so she was crying. DN was laying on the floor. We had to walk down the high street to get home and DN bolted in front of a car. Thank god I caught her by her hood. She went running the opposite direction down a busy road so me and DD had to run after her. I felt so upset and sick by the time we got home and probably told her off more than needed . You have my sympathies OP.

No sensible suggestions OP, but solidarity as my 2 year old sounds pretty similar. No build up to a tantrum, just straight off on the floor screaming, kicking and hitting.

Latest tantrum was this morning in Poundland resulted in me wrestling her back into her pram whilst she screamed the place down and people stared. There's nothing I can do to try and calm her down when she's like that, if I talk to her, try to negotiate with her or threaten to sell her it just makes it worse. So now I ignore and brazen it out, I've definitely learnt not to care so much about people staring or what they think.

Tomorrow is a new day 🍷

My now-4 year old pulled this sort of thing continually. He's pretty ok now! Though I would say take the pram for a longish walk, it's easier to clip them in and go on your way.

I've been there! The worst one was trying to leave a toddler group - DD lay on the floor thrashing and screaming for 40 minutes! Tried everything I could think of to calm her down, but nothing worked (including when the organiser packed everything away and went home!). I was heavily pregnant, so physically couldn't scoop her up and whisk her away. I also ended up literally dragging her to the car and posting on here about it afterwards!

It does get better - we still have some epic tantrums, but they're less frequent and most of them are shorter now too.

I’m glad it’s not just DS that reacts like this. It’s hard when all your friends have little angels because they just can’t relate to his reactions. I can just see them looking thinking thank god that’s not my child. I’m so ashamed.

Dont be ashamed OP!! The thing is, you only see other people's kids for a bit of the day. You don't see them when they might be refusing to eat anything other than chocolate buttons and plain pasta (I'm looking at you DD) or when it takes their parents 2 hours to get them to go to sleep or when they decide to paint the bathroom in toothpaste.

All kids have their bad moments. And you DS has lots of good ones too!!

I think I would reconsider nursery - for my own mental health!!!

I had 1 angel child followed by a tantrummer. I would have been ok if she was 1st. I didn't know what hit me with dd2 she was foul at that age at they were relentless. No one believes me now she's ever had a tantrum!!!

Yeah they always seem little darlings to others. Whenever we are with a particular other parent and her dd who is the same age, they are always the one playing up snd having tantrums whilst my dd behaves like an angel. When they are not there though my dd likes to take the spot light!

The thing to remember with DC's this age is that it always needs to be somebody's turn. Today it was your turn, another day it will be somebody else's turn and yours will be an angel. It's just the way it goes.

It's true that not all toddlers tantrum like that, but many many do, and you haven't noticed it happening to anyone else because when it's not your child it really doesn't come across as a big deal that would grab your attention. I remember holding my eldest on the beach as he tantrumed trying to throw himself face first into the sand, and I felt awful thinking what on earth people thought. In retrospect I doubt they even noticed! I recommend the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen' for some strategies to help with times you know he might tantrum. And though tantrums of course will still be stressful for you please don't add to your stress by worrying what anyone else thinks. Of anyone was judging it would only be because they have no experience of toddlers so they're opinion is irrelevant!

Honestly mine when she was younger used to have massive tantrums when we were out too.
I've got her under my arm before from supermarket and marched out with her crying
I have also just stood waiting in the middle of town while she lay on the floor crying and crying. There was nothing I could do when she was like that and waiting it out was the best option.
I've also waited an hour behind the bus station outside while she cried and cried cos she didn't want to walk home. I couldn't and wouldn't give in.
It's completely normal

Please try not to worry about what other people might be thinking - the opinion of someone who thinks it totally unnatural for a toddler to have thrashing-about tantrums and that any amount of 'good parenting' could stop it is not an opinion worth worrying about.

I was very lucky that mine were never tantrum-havers, but I never judge parenting when I see a toddler having a massive paddy because I know you can be an amazing parent but just have a kid that explodes no matter what you do. And I think most people know that.

Ah, it’s so tough when they’re little, try not to dwell on it

The good thing is you know he has form, so try to be one step ahead next time - so a countdown to when you have to leave and a promise of a treat when he gets home. Loads of praise for tiny little things (get him to run and tell him he’s so fast etc), talk about what you’re doing for the rest of the day....keep it bright and positive. He’s still very little, try and see it from his point of view - it is rubbish when you’re having fun and someone tells you it’s finished!

Oh god op I've been there. My worst time was when I was out walking the dog, had my 2 year old with me when he just refused to come back to the car, my dog is strong on the lead so I'm gripping the lead to make sure the dog doesn't run away, whilst trying to scoop up a hitting kicking screaming small person under my arm (and failing) I was literally in tears I just did not know how I was going to get back to the car. Thank god a lovely older man was walking down the road and held the dog for me and walked him up the road whilst I doubt with the toddler. I was so embarrassed but so grateful. It's okay to be upset just pick yourself up and try and brush it off.

My son's worst meltdown happened in the middle of Target and carried on in the parking lot and I had to call DH because he wouldn't let me strap him into his seat. (But he was 14 and severely developmentally disabled) Trust me you aren't the only one