Do I have to say about my secret savings?

[Pissoff2020]

Five years ago I was in a really bad relationship and I ended up in an awful situation once it was over. I was struggling financially and had nothing to fall back on. Since then I have maintained a separate savings account for myself for an emergency, a relative passed away four years ago and I inherited some money which also went into this account.

I’ve been with new DP for almost three years and he’s lovely, we are hoping to buy somewhere next year. However, I haven’t told him about the additional account, I don’t know why, I should tell him but I also like knowing that I could survive if the worst happened and we split up.

We have a joint account but it’s only for bills, we keep our income separate and each pay into a savings account for a house deposit.

If we apply for a mortgage, will I need to declare the additional savings account? The deposit will not be from this account.

Part of me wonders about the secrecy aspect in that it implies you're doing something wrong. You wouldn't need to explain it in such terms as a running away fund, but just that they're your personal savings and you don't and won't consider them joint money. Whether he chooses to save himself is up to him.

Personally I'd be quite matter of fact about it. You've experienced having no money and you always want a good savings pot. You can save together for a deposit and both pair towards living costs fairly. The rest of your money is up to you.

If you keep quiet about yours you have no grounds for complaint if he does the same.

We've just applied for a mortgage and the building society asked for a statement for an isa my husband had but the money was locked in and we weren't using for the mortgage at all! Maybe this is unusual though, who knows.

If you've transferred money into or out of it recently and it would appear on your other statements then you might have to tell them, but otherwise I probably wouldn't.

You don't need to tell anyone. A mortgage advisor will ask for a rough savings figure (basically assessing if can afford to pay solicitors, movers and have a little back up) but it's okay to underestimate - I do and I'm sure DH does too. I am talking about a discrepancy of just a few k though vs a huge amount.

@Pissoff2020
(Love, Love, Love the user name btw.....very apt!!)

I understand your dilemma. One 1 hand you want to be honest, on the other you have a protectiveness around you which is understandable, given your previous experience.

Only you know what the relationship is like with your partner but if you have been burnt before i can well imagine you are cautious this time around, and rightly so.

I think, in my opinion, it probably comes down to 2 things......1) whether he has been open with you and 2) the amount you have in savings......If we are talking about £15k i would probably say nothing.....id probably say nothing if its £20-22k too. however if its more like £50k or higher, its a bit difficult to justify not saying anything, should it come out later on.

If he has been upfront with you about his assets, then i think you should too, otherwise it would look like you are hiding something and that always raises suspicion.....what else is being hidden etc. perhaps you could just say you had a small inheritance you have put away for later life, or you DC (if you have them already, sorry im assuming here). Honesty is the best policy in my book but you can always be economical or vague with the truth, if that makes sense.

As long as you aren't in any financial hardship now or in the future then I would keep quiet about it. Everyone needs a running away fund, even if it's just to help your day dreams.

Certainly when we applied for a mortgage, we had to detail what funds were in all of our accounts, even if they weren't to be used for the deposit. This included any investments and dh's business accounts. So yes, I would expect you would need to disclose it in the mortgage application process.

But I think the bigger question is about your relationship if you feel you need to be secretive about money. Why can't you tell your dp? Would he be abusive if he found out? Would be be financially coercive? I had significant savings when I first met dh. It wasn't the first thing I blurted out when we were dating, but certainly I told him when we got to the stage of moving in together/getting married. Why wouldn't I? He's not going to just come take my money. We both have personal accounts and always have. Obviously, we're married now, so less of an issue as legally it's all a marital asset. But I think if you are afraid to tell your partner that you have substantial savings then this isn't someone I'd be buying a house with.

There is no legal obligation to declare it to a mortgage provider. People usually do to enable them to borrow more or get better terms on their mortgage. I would ask yourself, however, why it is that you feel able to enter into a legally binding arrangement with this partner (sharing responsibility for a mortgage) but don't feel able to trust them with the knowledge of your emergency savings account. They might feel hurt if they ever found out you were keeping a secret.

Do you have a standing order to pay money into the savings account from a current account? If you do, the mortgage company will want more details about it.

I’ve applied for many mortgages and lenders just wanted to see where my deposit was coming from (for transparency / money laundering purposes etc) and the activity of my current accounts for income and expenditure purposes. I’ve never been asked to declare other accounts or savings.

Having your own separate savings in your own name is fine and very sensible. It shouldn’t have to be a secret. If your DP is somebody who wouldn’t want you to have access to your own money in case you ever needed it then he’s a dick and you don’t want to be conjoining your lives and finances in the first place (though if you were a man hiding a savings account you’d be called financially abusive and told that in a partnership all finances should be equal and shared.)

A bit conflicted here actually .On the one hand nice to know you have a little "nest egg" of your own .Conversely though it is a new RL and you have to ask how you would feel if he did similar? I personally would prefer complete honesty .One further thought though maybe invest in a Statement piece of Jewellery . A nice gold bracelet or necklace .Could sell if in need, and have a lovely item to wear as well .Alternatively Premium Bonds ?

As long as you have sufficient funds for deposit and mortgage payments, and declare all liabilities, there is no reason to declare when applying for mortgage.

Would the account appear on a credit report? I know my credit report says I have relationships with x bank and y bank - I do have an overdraft facility on one account so that must have been a credit application, but I'm sure I've seen my bills account on there also.

So if you bank with x bank, but your savings are in y bank, and that shows on a credit report maybe your DP could see it.

For money laundering purposes, you have to prove a paper trail where the deposit money comes from, but not the money for the stamp duty/sols fees etc (or at least you didn't 6 years ago), so they don't ask for full account disclosure if it's not part of affordability/offsetting/deposit.

I’ve never been asked about savings on a mortgage just the debts, outgoings, and what I was putting as the deposit. Keep your secret fund, never hurts to have money to fall back on.

They mortgage company won’t be interested in extra savings you have.
All they are interested in is any loans you have as this will effect how much money you can borrow.

It would come up in a credit check. Sign up for a free credit check (credit karma??) and see what shows up in your name.

For our mortgage application, dh and I had to send over the credit check file - so we each saw the others file as we did it together. Not sure you would be able to hide it if you are otherwise mixing finances.

Op everyone (a far as possible) should have their own money. DP and I have been together for 25 years + but I have my own account and intend to keep it that way.

You never know what the future holds: don't think of it as a guilty secret, think of it as a sensible fall-back should unforeseen calamity occur.

Casually drop in about personal savings as part of the financial planning for when you are living together.
No need to say how much is in the account, just a rainy day fund.

If he is persistent in knowing the amount, and interested in how you should spend/invest, I'd wait a bit more before getting financially, or otherwise, involved.

Money, especially when it belongs to someone else, can do strange things to some people.

I could not be secretive about my assets at the same point in a relationship that you are in- 3yrs together and buying a house together. I would be very hurt and question my partner if I later found out about a secret stash of money. Telling your partner about its existence doesn’t give him the right to tell you what to do with it either. I have an emergency funds account that is in my name only that my DH is aware of and he would never dream of making plans for it or putting me in a position to have to use any of it and we’ve been married 26yrs. I just say it’s my emergency fund just in case worst comes to worst and it’s money I need to not touch for my own mental sanity.

I think it depends on things like:

-how much your secret pot is
-the proportion of this compared with the deposit you are trying to save for

• how difficult saving the deposit is for each of you.

So, IMO

Situation 1
You have £2k saved for emergencies. You are saving for a deposit of £50k, which you are easily managing to save as you are both good earners. Keep your pot secret.

Situation 2
Your pot is £100k. You are trying to save a deposit of £30k. You earn a decent salary and can put money aside for the deposit easily but he is on minimum wage and struggles to put in his portion. I think it would be awful not to tell him.

And obviously there is everything in the middle. If dipping into the pot would have a substantial effect on being able to buy the property, or both of your qualities of life in the meantime, then it definitely needs mentioning.

Unless there is sufficient money to go round where it's not an issue, it feels a little dishonest to me, coming to this with hidden money as it doesn't seem the most open way into sharing your lives together, though I do understand why.

Keep it safe and secret. It's very good practice in my book

You won't have to declare it to your mortgage advisor. Your credit rating will be checked but that will be it.

Women do this, not because of the relationship they are currently in but because of a past relationship and how they were completely fucked over.

I did it after I was left broke with a child in my first relationship. Never told the 2nd relationship I was saving and bloody glad I didn't as we separated 15 years later.

What I would say is that I never saved from family money (money was separated). We both put the same into the family pot and left over wages were to do with what you liked.

I'd totally keep quiet.

When we were moving house last year the mortgage advisor asked us to both obtain credit reports which show all of our open accounts so it might show up on there - but you could check that yourself online and see what info it includes. I can’t remember if it shows the balances or not. That said, our advisor liked to have credit info up front so he knew what our rating were like before the approaching banks- I’m not sure that all of them do that and if they didn’t then you wouldn’t need to disclose it as part of the application process.

DP is great and I have no reason to think he would be ever be financially abusive. I worry that he will be hurt that I have not said already, he is very understanding about my bad experience but I think he is quite upfront about finances so would expect the same. I am not sure how to tell him as it would come as quite a surprise. I also wonder if he will treat things differently once I tell him, we split most things 50/50, he earns about £6k more than me but the inheritance would mean that I have a fair amount more in savings than he does. Maybe I am overthinking

Put it this way and if the opposite occurred...
How would you feel if your partner had a secret fund stashed away?

If your relationship is strong and healthy you should tell him, as he shouldn't question it.

What if something where to happen to you, and he stumbled upon it in future knowing you had kept a big secret like that.

It also depends on the amount. A few hundred, I wouldn't bother but if this is thousands then yes. Tell him