Do I have to say about my secret savings?

[Pissoff2020]

Five years ago I was in a really bad relationship and I ended up in an awful situation once it was over. I was struggling financially and had nothing to fall back on. Since then I have maintained a separate savings account for myself for an emergency, a relative passed away four years ago and I inherited some money which also went into this account.

I’ve been with new DP for almost three years and he’s lovely, we are hoping to buy somewhere next year. However, I haven’t told him about the additional account, I don’t know why, I should tell him but I also like knowing that I could survive if the worst happened and we split up.

We have a joint account but it’s only for bills, we keep our income separate and each pay into a savings account for a house deposit.

If we apply for a mortgage, will I need to declare the additional savings account? The deposit will not be from this account.

[RB68]

your finances are separate except where they are joined, you are not married and further most of it was a small inheritance. You do not need to tell him at this point at all. If you wanted you could indicate you kept the inheritance in a separate account (and its wise to do so as then it can be treated separately on splitting if married, but best to tell him about that should you come to that point.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

They're being sarcastic SuperbGorgonzola, because apparently victims of domestic abuse in all its forms are equally men and women.

[BlueThistles]

it's not SECRET

it's private ...

Say FUCK ALL 🌺

[jessstan1]

@QueenOfLabradors

I don't know about the legalities of declaring all your assets when applying for a mortgage, but I do believe that keeping your emergency fund nest egg quiet is a wise thing for anyone to do.

So do I.

[SuperbGorgonzola]

@DillonPanthersTexas

As long as you don't mind getting the edited highlights from him too.

Well that's different, that's family money he would be stealing in which case it is a huge red flag and you should LTB.

What do you mean by that? If he also has a few thousand in the bank that he's built up over time then that's his to do with as he wishes surely?

[SuperbGorgonzola]

pissoff2020 presumably he knows your history so I think it should be understandable to him that you believe in separate finances.

Could you not just be up front? Explain that you have savings that you don't ever intend to touch but that given your past, it gives you comfort knowing it's there should disaster strike. Explain that you had always intended to keep it secret, but having met and fallen in love with him you wanted there to be honesty between you as your relationship gets more serious. Explain that you like the financial set up the way it is and that you don't expect any access to savings he might have either.

[DillonPanthersTexas]

As long as you don't mind getting the edited highlights from him too.

Well that's different, that's family money he would be stealing in which case it is a huge red flag and you should LTB.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Does he tell you what he spends his extra £6k (ish, assuming pre tax) a year on?

[sickandtired23]

I agree with previous posts about not having to declare it when applying for a mortgage. You have to declare your savings when you apply for benefits, or tax stuff, but not mortgage.

You need to show the bank that you have enough income to pay monthly instalments, and that you have enough for the deposit. That is when usually people declare their savings, to show that you are financially secure. If you have enough money in other accounts then there is no need to declare this money.

But, as someone also said above, it would become obvious there is another account if you had payments going from your current account into that savings account. Because in some cases you do have to show your bank statements going back for years, when you apply for mortgage.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I think a squirrelled fund is always handy if you find yourself in a situation where you need to end the relationship or if you are prevented from accessing joint money.

However in this situation it seems off to keep it secret. I'd imagine part of yours and his conversation about house buying will be discussing what you can both afford. I'd feel guilty if, when the time came to buy, we could only afford a shithole or a seriously compromised home if I was sitting on enough to buy somewhere we loved (not saying that's the case here!), even if some of the inheritance was used and ringfenced.

[DianaT1969]

Do you qualify for a LISA account OP? You could put your joint house savings in there if you do.

[Pissoff2020]

To answer some of the questions, most of the money saved is from an inheritance, I don’t have a standing order going to the account, the money I now save from my income goes towards the house deposit. I hope that we will get married eventually so I guess it would become a marital asset, I’m not sure how inheritance works.

I trust him and I would hate for him to be upset that I’ve hidden it. However, I also don’t want to touch the money at the moment, I like knowing it is there if I ever need it. I could tell him, I’m not sure how to explain why I’ve never mentioned it, we have discussed finances a bit, just regarding bills and how much we want to save etc.

[userxx]

Nothing to do with him, my OH has no idea how much I've got squirreled away. I intend to keep it that way.

[lifestooshort123]

We’ve been married for more than 20 years. I have some money inherited from my parents that the bloke knows about. We refer to it as “the care home fund”. He has no idea how much it is, though, and he’s never going to know because he’d want to go out and spend it.
This is us as well. He has no idea that my care home fund has 6 figures in it or he'd find a way to waste it. I have adult children from before and he knows it is left to them in my will. Personally I'd tell him you have a savings account with the money Auntie Gladys left you and you'd prefer not to put it in the pot because 'I'm happier knowing there's a financial cushion there' . Don't call it a running away fund (stupid idea) and then change the subject - you could joke about it coming in handy when you need to go into a care home but I wouldn't labour it.

[BarbaraofSeville]

He earns 6k more than you yet you split everything 50/50, so he will be aquiring his own personal savings through this anyway, just like you

He might, he might not. I've built up quite substantial savings (nearly £30k), simply because I naturally spend a lot less than DP does.

We've worked on equal spending money after all joint costs are covered for over a decade and he has virtually no savings, just because he used to smoke, buy his lunch out every day and is always buying bike stuff. We can quite often get to the end of the month and he's spent hundreds on bike bits and I've bought a bottle of gin, two kindle books and been out for lunch a couple of times. If he asked what savings I had, I would tell him, but I haven't actively set out to save this money, it's just built up because my personal spending wants are a lot less than his.

[Birdsong111]

Don’t say anything OP

[Mustbe3ormorecharacters]

I’m worried about the same dilemma, thank you everyone for the discussion it will be very helpful.

[IJustWantSomeBees]

Also, how do you know he doesn't have his own emergency fund, since your accounts are seperate?

[IJustWantSomeBees]

He earns 6k more than you yet you split everything 50/50, so he will be aquiring his own personal savings through this anyway, just like you.

People saying 'how would you feel if he was doing this to you' are not taking into account the context that is the real world. Women are perpetually financially abused and it is nothing but common sense for the OP to have a personal emergency fund in case things take a bad turn. Three years isn't such a long time that you owe someone complete trust, I've seen relationships last longer than that for one partner to then fundamentally screw the other over.

OP you do not have to feel guilty for protecting yourself, we must admit to the world we live in and any truly loving man would understand why a woman would need her own emergency fund. He is not your husband and you have not been together very long so he is not entitled to know anything about your assets.

[AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal]

@cologne4711

I agree with the pp above that it depends how much the secret stash is. £5K for a rainy day, fine.

If I found out DH had say £80K he'd not told me about I might be a bit

Yeah, agree with above.

Also, do you still save money into this account?
Is there any chance he might be "love, where does that £100 standing order go to every month?" and then find out that way?

[Nipoleon]

The only way it would come up with the mortgage advisor is if the account is with the same bank you are getting the mortgage from. Then they would see it as part of looking at your customer profile. If it's with a different bank, it won't come up and you are doing nothing wrong if you don't mention it. All they need to know is your deposit, where that has come from, and your income and outgoings etc. They don't care if you have other accounts as it's not relevant to the application. I personally would say nothing to your DP, but it's easy to do that when you are childless and not committed financially. I would be annoyed to have a child with someone and discover they had secret money I didn't know about as it would feel they had savings outside the family unit. You could mention you have some savings mainly built from an inheritance but you want to keep that for a rainy day - he can't object to that if you are both contributing equally to deposit and mortgage. The other thing is if he pays more in general for stuff - it could look unfair. Would he really mind if you told him you had some personal savings you wanted to keep separate?

[GreySkyClouds]

You don’t need to say anything; however, if you have regular payments from your bank account then your broker will ask where the money is going to and what for.

You can say it’s savings without saying how much the total is you have in the pot.

[Pepperwand]

I think for a lot of people if this was reversed and a man said he had savings in an account hidden from his partner and was keeping them secret there would be a lot of people raising concerns.

For what it's worth, I have personal savings in my own name too but DH does know about their existence. I suppose technically it could be a "running away fund" although I would find that incredibly hurtful if that's how he labelled his personal savings. I just say they are my own long term savings for retirement and that's the end of it.

I do think some personal savings are a good idea. I just don't like the secrecy element.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Well he is already benefiting as he earns more yet you contribute 50/50 so he can't complain that you have your own "extra" money.

I wouldn't want there to be any lies told though. Has he ever asked you if you save any of your additional money? Where does the secret fund end? Do you declare it on marrying him? Do you plan on marrying him?

[VinylDetective]

We’ve been married for more than 20 years. I have some money inherited from my parents that the bloke knows about. We refer to it as “the care home fund”. He has no idea how much it is, though, and he’s never going to know because he’d want to go out and spend it.