Parent v child age

[Littleposh]

How old was your mom when you were born OR how old were you when you had your first child. AND what is your relationship like?? Do you think a big or small age gap influenced that relationship??

My Mum was 23 I was 30. So glad I was older than her. TBH she isn’t very maternal.

My mum was 21 when she had me. I was 22 when I had DS so she was 44 when she became a grandmother. Me and my mum are very close, we were both single parents as well.

My mum was 28 when she had me (2nd child). We have a very good relationship, but that's nothing to do with age gaps. Mum always put us first, she was firm, but fair, and was always 'there'. I can appreciate this more now as it involved sacrifices.

I had my DC at a similar age, DC are not teens yet. I'll let you know what our relationship is like when they grow up!

DH's mum was 35 when she had him. He always had a bit more of a distant relationship. But she was a lovely woman, a great MIL and an excitable, playful grandma (at 79 she became a GM for the first time and died age 90 earlier this year).

Neither GPS did childcare or regular babysitting (distance and age) but they have been excellent in their own ways.

My mum was 22 when I was born and I had dd when I was 31. I would say we get on, but not as close as she probably thinks. I tend not to tell her anything because she catastrophises and is very negative. She has a good relationship with the DCs but finds children difficult. She loves them though.

My mother was 18 when I was born, she was never close to any of her children, I was 17 the last time I saw her. She was forced to marry my dad because she was pregnant.

I became a parent at 28, very unexpected, but the best surprise I have ever and will ever have.

I don't think age has a major impact on your relationship. DM was 24 when she had me, I was 37 when I had DD1. My GM was 36 when DM was born and DM said they didn't have a close relationship because of the age gap, I think it was more because of other things, including DM being sent to boarding school at 7. DM has a better relationship with my younger sister than she does with me, I think she became a better parent as she gained more experience, I also think there can sometimes be personality differences that affect how well you parent one child vs another.

My mum was 26 when she had me. I was 42 when I had my DD. Me and my daughter have a much closer relationship than myself and my mum. Nothing to do with age but more to do with personality, circumstances and the different parenting styles we have.

PucePanther but surely that’s exactly what you need your mum to be - I do agree as you become adults your relationship with your parents should ideally shift and change into friends not parent / child, but to be so resentful she couldn’t go out drinking with twenty year old you - ?

My mum had me at 36 and I had my daughter at 37.

My mum was 31 (second child) when she had me and I was 24 when i had my eldest daughter. When I was young I thought my mum was old but realise now she wasn't at all. I had the usual teenage relationship with my mum but as an adult get on with her great, don't think age had anything to do with that.

My mother was 34 when I was born (she was 33 when she had her first). I was 36 when my eldest was born, and 38 when the second was born.

I am much closer to my children now than I was to my mother when I was their age. The teenage years were particularly difficult.

I don't think the age difference is particularly relevant, it's more to do with societal changes. My mother was brought up during the war. I was a teenager in the 1970s. Our attitudes to things like clothes, make up, going out with friends and sex before marriage were very different.

There wasn't such a dramatic change in my attitudes to those issues and my children's, though obviously there are differences for my children because of new technology, social media etc. I also made a conscious effort to try to understand them and not to appear too judgmental or dismissive (they would tell you I had failed in that attempt)!

Though we are close, I am very much their mother rather than their friend. We enjoy spending time together, but I wouldn't go out drinking or clubbing with them for a night out!

My DM was 36 when she had me and classed as an older mum back in the 70’s. I was 30&32 when I had mine although it was delayed due to fertility problems so could have been a few years earlier.
We had a very good relationship she was definitely a mum although we had lots of fun weekends away and adventures together.
Personally I don’t want a mum to go out drinking or clothes shopping with I have friends for that,although I could go to the pub with mine for a few drinks that sort of thing.
Me and my DD’s are similar close and very loving but I always stand on the side of being mum not friend.
However if they need me as anything I will do my best to be there for them but I’m not clubbing in my 50’s..well maybe Glasto.

Mum was 25 when I was born

I had my first at 16.

My mum was 30 when she had me, I was 28 when I had dd1. Re the pp who says about needing paid childcare - so did we because all 4 grandparents were still working when dd1 arrived and I would assume that would be the case if you have smaller age gaps.

My relationship with dds is different to mine with my mum because I'm quite different, I don't think it's better or worse.

My mother was 18. It has affected us because she was not mature enough to parent me herself and it was difficult circumstances so my grandparents raised me. It's never been a textbook relationshio, more like an aunt. It's become better in the last few years but that's a personality thing.

I was 30/32 when I had my DCs. It matters more that life was stable and I was "ready". I'm still young enough to be playful and energetic with them although as DS1 gets to 10, I have little physical advantage (unless I challenge him to run 10k+ )

I adopted my children so slightly different, but I was 40 when I had my first, she was four months, and 41 when number 2 came along, also a baby.

I think I'm a much better parent being that bit older, I'm certainly a lot more patient than I would have been even 10 years ago. However, I think physically, I'd have coped better being slightly younger having them. I really feel the lack of sleep and (time to) exercise at the moment whilst they're so young, (3 & 4 now). I'm hoping in the next 12 months or so, they will sleep a little bit later than 5:30, so I can get up then and have an hour to myself to exercise before the house wakes up!

My mum was 28 when she had me, I am the youngest of 4, she was 21 when she had my eldest sister. I recall her being a really shouty mum as we grew up, however it was the 70's/80's and I think a lot of people were back then.

We are now close and ( I now realise) incredibly similar, in different circumstances I think I'd have also been a shouty parent.

Dm was 27 when she had me - her second child. She was called an 'elderly mother' by a midwife (South Wales, 1970s).

I was 35 when I had my dds. Don't think about it really, I am close to my mum and to dds. Never really comes up.

My grandma was 39 and 41 when she had her kids and my mum did find that a bit old when she was a teen by all accounts - she was a teen/student in the early 60s so a big generational shift.

My mother was 19 when she had me.
I was 33 for my first & 43 for my second child.

My mum was 27, 29 and 34 - I was her last. I had my DC at 27 and 29.

My mum was virtually 35 (just three weeks to go) when I was born. I was 34. I wasn't planned as several things went wrong when my sister was born and mum was told she wouldn't be able to carry a child to term originally.

I think I was one of the few with an "older mum" when I was at primary school but I think most of my friends were first children. But on the other hand she was a pro dealing with lots of childhood stuff where my friends often wondered because it didin't work with their mums.

She was and is always my mum, I never needed her as a friend or go out partying (sounds like a strange concept to me). The only thing I really had issues with was clothes, she absolutely had no idea about what I wanted to wear and would sometimes comment on it negatively. But, she also instilled a sense of what to wear when which came handy when you are 19 and needing to survive in smart office wear.

Yes, she was older when DD was born but due to health issues since her late forties/fifties she was never in a position to babysit or play rough anyway. But she dotes on her and despite living in two different counties they have a good relationship.

@Namechange2020lalala

As a first time mum aged 36 some of the older mum stories are quite sad so far. Really hoping there are some positives experiences too...

Yes, I was a first time Mum aged 38 and some of these posts are articulating quite clearly the fears I have for me and my DD.

I was 26 when I had my ds...he once said to me that I seemed younger than his friends mums...it was the nicest thing he's ever said to me

MIL is about 10 years older than my DM (DH and I are about the same age) and we are much closer to her than to mine.

My mum had her kids in her mid 20s. I wish she had been older. She was quite open about her feelings that we had spoiled the best years of her life, that she had lost her career, her figure and her freedom and that she not liked us until we were adults. I really feel that if she had waited 10 years she would have been a happier, and better parent. We only became close recently, as I felt very unwanted as a child.

I had my dcs in my 40s. I was probably subconsciously influenced by the above. We are incredibly close.

What I find amazing is that dad was 24 when I was born. He was/is an excellent dad. I trusted him with my life and he never let me down . Ds 25 couldn't be left in charge of the cat. Most of his friends could barely be left in charge of cutlery.