If someone says that you're not "conventionally" attractive...

[SisterNight]

they're actually just calling you ugly?

I need to decide just how much dh is in the dog house

I think he's just put it very clumsily!

I'm definitely a 'type' and for people who like that type, I'm the ultimate! Very pale, freckles, super dark hair.

I'm mid 30s and for many people of my age, we were told that the standard is tanned, blonde, super smiley... I'm not that at all but for people who like my type I am more attractive than that look. I know that for many more I'm not nearly as attractive!

My mum told me when I was about 8/9 and thought I was ugly that I'm not 'chocolate box pretty' and it really upset me but I kind of get what she meant now.

It's important not to tear other people down too - sometimes if people are defensive of me being pale / dark hair etc they say shitty things about people with blonde hair and a tan which I think is equally dickish to do!

Everyone is someone's type. Thought aged 12 - 20 I would have rolled my eyes and said that wasn't true and I was destined to disappear when alongside my more traditionally pretty friends! Glad I was wrong

I don’t think most people would consider glamour models as rhe definition of conventionally attractive. I mean some are, but some aren’t, it’s really not the key criteria to being a glamour model.

I think that’s where you may be different from everyone else.

Thanks @Bluntness100 that makes sense.

@TotalBitch people are only gently laughing as I understand it - not massively mocking you, I think you're reading it as more accusatory than it is! And anyway it just shows that peoples ideas of classic / traditional / universal beauty all vary. Don't take it as people being horrible to you, they aren't!

Ah thanks @youvegottenminuteslynn. These things don't come across well in text sometimes .

Or they have a very limited idea of beauty.

And I think wading in with a 😂🤣😂🤣 emoji when I'd already been told twice was playground bully stuff. Subtle, but still. Then when it was queried, the classic "calm down". Not nice. But I'm glad I know my understanding of this phrase isn't what I thought. So I'll leave you wiser people to decide what's what.

Agree, no ones laughing at you total bitch, it’s more they are amused at rhe concept of one of the most gorgeous actresses not being considered conventionally attractive, as she would be the very definition of it.

It’s not personal to you.

As said, glamour models are not considered rhe definition of conventially attractive, because some of them are clearly not. That’s really more about your physical attributes and your desire to get your kit off,

I think it's because totalbitch most people think that conventionally attractive means that most people are going to look at that person and know theyre attractive. 99 out of 100 people would look at Penelope cruz and think she was fucking gorgeous and the other 1 would be a liar or blind. Whereas your other example Erin o connor would provoke a much more mixed bag as her look is unusual and not to everyone's taste. Some people have looks that are just universally considered beautiful and I think penelope would be one of those

It's not the typical round, symmetrical face with big eyes. There are more interesting ways to be beautiful.

@XiCi

I think it's because totalbitch most people think that conventionally attractive means that most people are going to look at that person and know theyre attractive. 99 out of 100 people would look at Penelope cruz and think she was fucking gorgeous and the other 1 would be a liar or blind. Whereas your other example Erin o connor would provoke a much more mixed bag as her look is unusual and not to everyone's taste. Some people have looks that are just universally considered beautiful and I think penelope would be one of those

Yes this explains it well, if most people would think the person is attractive then this is considered conventionally attractive. The majority would think it. Not conversationally attractive is when it’s much more divisive,

So Marilyn Monroe, Margot Robbie, halley berry, Eva Mendez, would be considered conventionally attractive,

Grace Jones, Barbara Streisand, Angelica Houston, would be considered unconventionally attractive.

Yes that's how I see it Bluntness. Though this is Mumsnet so someone is bound to be along shortly to say they think Penelope is a minger and they wouldnt touch her with yours

I’d use it to describe someone who was not objectively attractive but had a bit of something about them. Like when people have a guilty crush etc. I wouldn’t be thrilled to hear it from a partner either but you know him and what he meant better than any of us, he could have just worded it in a clumsy way!

I'd take it as a compliment. Beauty is so subjective. I also think people become more attractive when you get to know them (if you like them that is...the opposite is also true!)
I remember reading a description of someone having individually unattractive features, but making a very attractive whole.
I think that's true as well. And also why people can look weird after plastic surgery (especially nose jobs)

Absolutely beauty so subjective myself and 2 colleagues were talking about ‘the pretty one’ from a tv show we’d all been watching- only to realise all three of us were talking about completely different characters.

He's not actually in the dog house but it didn't feel the nicest thing to say. And for what it's worth I'm fairly sure I'm not hideous but I am a hefty lass!

He definitely is clumsy with his words so in all likelihood meant it as a genuine compliment. My instant reaction was that it was a bit insulting though!

We were watching a movie last night and DH asked me why Cameron Diaz was so popular as she wasn't attractive and can't act. Not sure if I agree with the "can't act" bit but I do agree she isn't conventionally attractive. Ok she's slim but has basically no boobs, has a square head, weird eyes and a mouth that looks like it could swallow New York. But she does have a dazzling smile.

Personally I wonder about Richard Gere - his little piggy eyes are exceedingly off putting to me. Then again - he's quite a good dancer.

Is your DH normally a kind, loving, supportive DH, OP? It's just my friends ExH used to say stuff like this to my (stunning) friend all the time, I think just to undermine her self esteem and make her think she was lucky to have him, that noone else would want her. Thankfully she left the dickhead. Not saying this is your situation at all but worth thinking about if he says this sort of shit a lot

I would think they meant you were attractive but a bit quirky looking , maybe like Uma Thurman? Still attractive.

Not ugly.

I would assume this describe someone who does not fit in the doll face/Kardashian/glamour model look, that inoffensive pretty female look which I personally find very bland.

Those words could describe someone with strong features or/and a quirky, individual look that makes them attractive in a different way.

People have mentioned Tilda Swinton (who I think looks fantastic by the way), SJP, Beatrice Dalle...

A good friend of mine told me something very similar to what your husband told you. I think she described me as 'attractive in an unusual way, which is always the best kind'. She thinks I look like Lady Gaga...I can live with that. I have a strong Italian face.

.

Whoaaaa totalbitch went a bit OTT there, massive derail. Nobody was laughing at you at all or being horrible - I think we were all just laughing at the idea that PC is not conventionally hot.

BUT BUT BUT that latest post with the pics! Huge twist! So she's NOT hot after all? It's all surgery?

See, I think David Bowie was conventionally attractive, but the make up etc made him look more unconventional

@Monkeytapper

I would think they meant you were attractive but a bit quirky looking , maybe like Uma Thurman? Still attractive.

I was coming on here to say Uma Thurman! She's got an... odd face but is still completely beautiful.

Same as Idris Elba - not actually really that good looking in a conventional way but still so charismatic and sexy.

Charisma goes a long way.