Dyslexia advice please!

[DyslexiaHelpPlease]

NC as I’m going to put a lot of outing details...

DS is 8 and I am totally convinced he’s dyslexic. He’s really bright, greater depth in everything apart from spelling where he is below expected. I wanted to get him assessed in the summer but DH vetoed it as he wanted to wait and see for longer. We compromised on getting a tutor to see if some targeted help would make a difference. Today she turned round and said we had to get him assessed as she is 95% sure he is dyslexic.

DH still doesn’t want to do it, as he doesn’t see the point. He reckons as there’s no magic bullet other than “trying harder” the label will only serve him badly.

So MNetters, can I have some examples of practical changes that happened as a result of a diagnosis that I can use to help persuade him that we need to go down this route. I feel we’re failing DS at the moment and with time the gap is going to get bigger and bigger.

Extra time in exams (also a reader / scribe in some cases)
Interventions outside of class
Educational adjustments such as a computer, coloured overlays

I'm not even going to write what I think of your 'D'H reasons for leaving his son to struggle.

Oh don’t worry I’m raging with him as well, I’m blaming his crappy boarding school mindset from 30 years ago.

I have a DD with severe dyslexia and is also very intelligent. We got tutors and so on early on as well. The school kept putting us off for assessing her, so at age 10 we paid for private tests and assessments. The psychologist then referred her to cognitive therapy specifically for her type of dyslexia to help with decoding and encoding written language. It was therapy based on the LindaMoodBell method. DD did two hours, twice a week for three years of this. It made all the difference. She is now studying at the #1 university in the country which is in top 100 universities in world, on par with U.K. Oxbridge. This would not have been possible if we had just buried our heads in the sand and thought “trying harder” would help. With dyslexia you can try all you want and it will make no difference unless the child is trying using methods that work with their dyslexia.

She also gets the extra exam time, oral testing instead of written where possible, physical textbooks instead of online, etc etc. The assessments and tests also determine which interventions are needed by type of dyslexia. It is very individual. There is no one size fits all accommodation for dyslexia. So it is very important to get that assessment done as it not only gives the diagnosis, or label, but tells you what will work to help your child reach their potential.

He needs to be assessed because if he is dyslexic then he will need support to develop strategies to learn with dyslexic thinking. Trying harder is not a strategy that works for a dyslexic child who is probably already trying harder than their peers.

And I would suggest taking a look at the brilliant Made By Dyslexia website too.

Def needs to be tested - having the official report will make things easier for your DS - it will help put him on a more level playing field with other people who he effectively will compete with. Why would your DH not help him achieve that if you could? What does he think will happen if you get the report and if you don't?
The world is a much kinder place now - thank god.

Also look into visual stress. www.irlensyndrome.org/what-is-irlen-syndrome/

The earlier you get a diagnosis, the sooner he can start arming himself with the right tools to optimise his learning.

I say that as a dyslexic who wasn't diagnosed until I turned 21 and was in my final year of undergrad. I spent over a decade struggling with severe anxiety, inventing my own (less effective!) coping mechanisms to keep my grades up. I didn't need to do that- I just needed to be taught how my brain worked best and arm myself with the right coping tools.

Undiagnosed dyslexia impacts confidence, self-worth, mental health and perceived future potential when it absolutely does not have to.

Do you need your DH's approval for the assessment? Because quite frankly he's being exceptionally ignorant.

@AaronPurr

Extra time in exams (also a reader / scribe in some cases) Interventions outside of class Educational adjustments such as a computer, coloured overlays

I'm not even going to write what I think of your 'D'H reasons for leaving his son to struggle.

Its unlikely he will get extra time if he is performing average or above. He sounds like my ds 25 He did get extra time until week of his A2s when criteria changed and he lost it because the lowest tests were about average, but that was a long way behind the rest of him. Ie his SAT'S score in year 6 was only just a 4 for writing but high 5 for reading and high 5s for science and maths. He was top sets all the way through secondary but poor short term memory. He could spell out loud but not on paper. He also would forget a sum between copying from blackboard to page or bringing the right number forward from previous page. He once spent the same word 5 different ways on the same page.

Get him assessed as soon as possible. Supported is definitely needed, and even more so when he hits high school.

I was surprised to realise how many things are linked to dyslexia which aren't necessarily related to literacy.

If you don't get him the support he needs you might find it starts to affect other aspects of his learning.

Meantctocsayvhe never got an official diagnosis , but didn't need it to be assessed for extra time

If you don't get him the support he needs you might find it starts to affect other aspects of his learning.

This is very true. One of the surprises from my DDs testing was that she literally cannot see the difference between “x” and “+” and guess where these symbols occur? Maths. Whether she was supposed to multiply or add, she had no idea. It looked the same. As a result, her maths test problems had to be read out loud to her for her to do them.

They can get a lot of computer assistance, touch typing, electronic readers, extra exam time, additions support like instructions in writing, or computer papers, time keeping skills, take picture of the board or sent electronically rather than write things down.

They don’t suffer from a diagnosis, they get additional protection under the disability laws.

Watching with interest.

Both my DC are dyslexic and had extra tuition, exam time, sat their exams on a laptop etc all through school. They both qualified for DSA at university.
My DD was 10 when we got a diagnosis and it made a massive difference to her self esteem- she knew then that there was a valid reason why she struggled with certain things.

It’s very mentally tiring for dyslexics trying to process things in the usual way - they need help to learn coping strategies.

We got DD1 assessed at 8. Best thing we've ever done. She's very bright, but can't spell for toffee (think repeatedly making a different mistake when she spells the same word eg. 'evry' etc.) Spelling, grammar and organisation are her weak points. Reading is her super strength and her reading age and comprehension is at 16+ now she's 11 (emotionally she's immature though). Dyslexia can be very variable in how it effects people.

The diagnosis was done by an Educational Psych and cost £600 (no funds for primary to use). DD's entitled to 25% extra time in exams and I am in contact with the SEN dept at her new secondary school so we can make further adjustments if necessary. It really was worth it.

DH sounds like a fool!

Teaching in a dyslexia friendly way will be important, with special strategies for learning and coping at school.

Once the assessment has been completed and his dyslexia has been recognised he will be given extra support tailored to his needs. You may need to push for this. As well as extra time in exams - important for his future education.

You would be a neglectful parent not to have him assessed at this point. Honestly you should have done it already.

My daughter was diagnosed at the age of 16. In practical terms there were three main advantages:

1. she had some sessions with the Ed Psch to help her learn new strategies for getting over various difficulties (she had obviously unconsciously worked our her own strategies over time, but as the work got harder they were not working as well)

2. she had extra time for GCSEs and A levels

3. she received Disabled Students' Allowance to support her studies at university (eg she was given a printer and can claim for paper and toner because she finds it easier to read from print than from screens).

Psychologically it helped her self-confidence and made her feel better about why she was struggling with some subjects. It wasn't because she was stupid; it was because she had particular difficulties with some things. In a very high performing secondary school that was really helpful.

It also gave me more insight into her difficulties and more understanding of why she was struggling with some things. I confess that I didn't know much about dyslexia and when one of her teachers suggested we had her tested I was initially very sceptical on the grounds that my daughter had always been a really good reader.

Its unlikely he will get extra time if he is performing average or above.

I'm really sorry to hear the extra time was withdrawn from your DS, especially as it sounds like he benefitted from it in the past. As shown from several posters on the thread even brighter children with Dyslexia are still routinely offered extra time. As it allows them more time to process the information, and helps take into account any other difficulties a child may have, rather than whether they're above average or not.

DS was diagnosed as dyslexic aged 8, achieved above average in his SATS and did receive extra time for SATS and for GCSE’ (at least he would have if they had done them this year).

DD1 (13) has achieved above average and is in top sets for everything. Watching her struggle over lockdown made me promise to get her tested for dyslexia, although she presents differently to DS.

After a row with the SENCO, who accused me of only looking for diagnosis to get extra exam time, she offered to test DD at school, and a slow visual processing diagnosis followed. I’m really glad I pushed for it. DD will receive 25% extra exam time, be able to use text to voice and voice to text during her exams and will always use a laptop.

I cannot believe your DH would rather your son struggled.

My youngest daughter is 6 and most likely dyslexic. I completely disagree that it’s just about trying harder. She has to find her own way to learn things that are different to the way her classmates learn things and she needs help and support to do that. She gets very frustrated with reading sometimes, so I think it’s helpful for us both to know why. We have had many great suggestions such as trying different colors of paper and using special tricks to help her remember things.

I was diagnosed at 17 but had worked it out myself years earlier.
It made and continues to make a huge difference.
25% extra time in exams and these days written assessments for job interviews (civil service).
Disabled students grant at uni to buy a better laptop and the optional books from my reading list. Extra support at uni as well.
My boss can't discriminate against me at work for my spelling (she'd like too) there's an occupational health assessment saying so.
It helped moral and confidence a lot. I understand why I'm the way I am. I lacked confidence for years and only after 3 degrees did I accept I might have some academic ability.
I learnt to play to my strengths.
I just let it go now how bad my short term memory is. It used to upset me but with a few tactics I work around it and just get on with things.

The sooner he gets help the less behind he will be, the sooner he can learn and apply the appropriate tactics and skills.
It'll also affect his confidence less.

Your DH needs to accept that being dyslexic is not nesessirly a bad thing if you work with it. It sounds like he doesn't want your child to be diagnosed.

Put your child before his ego.

Thanks everyone, some really good practical examples that I can use in our next “discussion” about it.

For those saying I should just do it without his agreement, I’d love to, but the kind of money needed for an assessment is above our personal limit for what we both have to agree to. School have never once mentioned it, so there’s no way we’d get a funded assessment - we’ll need to do it privately and then go to the school with the diagnosis (assuming I’m right)

Get the test
After being told for years and years I needed to try harder and failing two sets of professional exams as an adult, an educational professional recommended a dyslexia test. To everyone's surprise (apart from the lady who recommended it) I tested as very dyslexic. With some extra time I passed the exams by a good margin and no longer beat myself up about it. I could have done so much better at school, and at uni/college if I'd just had that bit of extra time to process complicated questions and plan without running out of time

The assessment itself will also identify his particular difficulties, visual processing, short term memory etc so that his support can be targetted effectively. It may also be a relief for your ds to hear that there is a reason for his difficulties and frustrations, an explanation and a plan to help and accommodate him as well as the need to work with these supports. There's no question here tbh and it is very frustrating as a teacher when an assessment is blocked by a parent. I hope he sees the light and quickly.

I struggled through school knowing I am dyslexic, got my diagnosis when I went to uni. It made the world of difference. I got 1:1 help, computer software that worked for me. Support to build my weaknesses up.

When I did my masters I was tested for Irlens and again life changing. My attention span is better, I can think clearly, I can do my job well.

Honestly your DH is horrid. There is so much out there to support dyslexics that life can be easier for your DS.

Also, I agree that dyslexia isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a difference not a disability. My daughter has amazing attention to detail and notices things that other people miss. She’s also extremely bright. Her mental arithmetic is amazing, but she makes mistakes when she writes it down. It’s a bit like a car with a special engine, it’s needs special oil and special care to make it run right. You can’t just treat it like it’s a regular engine or it won’t work as well.