Where do you stand with your DC hitting back if they have been hit first?

[Allwhiteeverythin]

DS is now on a warning, any other fights and he will be on a fixed term exclusion,

He’s had two fights this academic term. Both times he didn’t throw the first punch. Witnessed and on CCTV. He’s very “alpha” and seen as a target for other boys wanting to prove themselves (this is from a teacher). He is not being bullied, very popular kid, no worries around that.

If they were being bullied, I'd say to hit back because it deters the bully. There's no other reason I can imagine either of them getting into fights, they are so laid back. But DS1 who is horizontally Zen did once punch a boy who had systematically bullied him for two years. The adult in charge who witnessed it said, 'I need to tell you this happened. But X had it coming.' X never bullied DS again. But he did move on to other boys.

The problem with teenage boys is if they don't stick up for themselves when picked on, they are seen as a target for bullying.

Both my boys were picked on at school for being mixed race. They got called 'paki' etc. My oldest one always stood up for himself but did not get enough support from school and problems escalated outside of school when the perpetrators got away with the name calling.

I hate bullying of any kind. I do not believe all bullies start out that way, they just end up in a spiral of events that get out of hand and sometimes the guy who gets called a bully is simply sticking up for himself in the only way that seems appropriate at the time.