MARY POPPINS I AM BLOODY WELL NOT

[MarchionessofActon]

I’ve been a nanny for ten years, with this family for 3.

The children aren’t young anymore, they are 6 and 9, but it’s still my full time job even though they’re at school. Believe me, there’s plenty to do during the day.

Their mum was never one for enforcing boundaries or being firm (that’s my job) but since March she’s been working from home and the children have got really used to having her there, and she is prone to being a complete soft touch with them which makes my job harder but there we go.

As many six year olds are wont to do, the youngest gives her the run around at bedtime (I do all the actual bath/bed/story bits, I leave when she comes up to say goodnight) I’m sure you know the sort of thing, anything to delay the actual going to sleep, like, ‘my bum is itchy’ (means Mum will get him up to come and have the worm medicine) or ‘Olivia didn’t want to play with me today’ (mum will spend upwards of forty minutes talking about friendship issues and conflict) ‘I don’t like the crease in my duvet’ (Mum will spend ten minutes re-making the bed and checking for imaginary creases)

I can tell when they have an actual issue, don’t get me wrong, but I’m experienced enough to recognise delaying tactics when I see them.

Anyway, smallest one has been going to sleep quite late. My boss asked me to stay over the time I normally leave because she hasn’t been able to get her to stay in her bed all week. So I do, and after a few firm ‘get back in your bed and close your eyes’ and zero indulgence of invented problems she was spark out asleep.
I went downstairs and told my boss who was very grateful. And I go on my merry way home.

An hour later I’m having dinner with my husband when my boss texts me and informs me that said child has woken up. She said

‘Priscilla was unfortunately not in a deep sleep as you thought she was and has now woken up and will not get back into bed. I think next time it would be great to be super vigilant to ensure the sleep she is in is a proper sleep and not one where she wakes up after a short time. I’m afraid she will be quite tired and grumpy tomorrow. I just thought I should let you know’

I just said ‘ok’ because my husband and I were laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it.

Honestly, I know I’m good at my job, but enduring a child remains asleep from my flat five miles away when I’ve clocked off for the night...clearly beyond my capabilities and I have failed at being the Mary Poppins standard that is expected of me

I am being lighthearted about it but it is another thing to add to the long list of times when parents come to expect the impossible.

Please do share any incidents of your employers or co-workers being utterly ridiculous in their expectations...

@MarchionessofActon

I imagine you get a lot of unreasonable expectations in customer service! But usually from the customer, not the employee 😂

Oh the not being able to ‘do’ bedtime is very normal in the families I’ve worked for, I’ve seen it so many times!

This is absolutely crazy, even my feckless DP can get our 2 to bed and asleep without too much fuss. How do they cope at the weekend when you’re not there?

I missed they have a weekend Nanny too, the poor kids is all I can say! I agree with a PP that they’re probably going to grow up with “issues”.

Weekend Nanny 😩

A Nanny here too, OP but have worked for the two same families for a long long long time and I am so glad that they do their own kids bedtimes! Wow

Well, the goal is to have children of my own and even though I wouldn’t give up being a nanny, my next job will definitely be for a family that requires support mainly for their actual working hours!

In my old job I had to present the bathed and pj-ed children to the parents in the living room to say good night and chat very briefly about the day’s accomplishments just before I took them up, just like a Victorian nanny might have done!

Like the pp above said, if I had enough money I would happily "buy" that service for a few nights a week. Not every night, maybe 3-4 nights. Essentially the nights that DH should really be doing but he can't possible come home for 7 because they're so busy at work .

Once pyjama'd, I'd always want to do the bedtime story, though... Love choosing books with DS and cuddling up in bed together. The slog is almost over, the end is in sight, so you can just enjoy the moment...

I am a mum like that, find it hard to enforce boundaries and do bedtime chats with the little ones too. Mainly because I work full day and feel so guilty of the time I miss out with them and it's like making up the lost time. But then bedtime then gets delayed!

I don't have nannies though, we have to do everything ourselves

I suspect that mum does the attending to every fuss at bedtime and the bedtime 40 min chat as she probably feels she's guilty too.

But yes they certainly shouldn't expect you to be responsible for that!

Also pps have criticised the mum for doing long bed time but have also criticised other parents who kiss goodbye from living room. At least she's spending time with her kids albeit not enforcing rules! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aw I do get that miki and I don’t think any mum should feel guilty for working! My career wouldn’t exist without working parents. I’m not knocking any parent for that. When I’m a parent I’ll work full time too.

However, I did actually have more sympathy for the bedtime malarkey when my boss was doing her normal working hours and really not seeing much of the children at all. But now she’s there all day, sees them in the morning when they go off to school, when they get home, dips in and out as they go about their after-school stuff, lovely, but I’ve spent three years enforcing these routines and boundaries and it’s all going to shit because she’s a pushover

Dad is barely around, he works for a bank abroad so keeps to their time-zone, never ever had him appear at a bed time.

My kids are pretty good at going to bed, but I have noticed more bedtime antics (my leg hurts etc) if they haven't had enough attention during the day. When I went back to work my youngest did a schedule of waking up for a breastfeed in the night for months. I assumed it was his way of bonding with me. These kids get once chance a day for full on mum attention, of course they are going to milk it!

I got a text saying did you realise he was only pretending to be asleep .?

^^
weeps

That’s very funny OP. Hope they don’t actually try to make you do this in future, ie somehow make sure the kid won’t wake up.

I really don’t enjoy bedtime myself - DS is a nightmare about it - but I recognise it as a really important part of parenting and the bonding experience. I often feel that those bits of parenting that are hard - putting them to bed and getting up with them first thing in the morning - are the bits that really matter. A shame as sometimes it would be lovely to “clock on and clock off” as if children were an office job.

I don't blame these poor kids for playing up at bedtime. Probably the only way to get any attention from their actual parents.

@MarchionessofActon you sound amazing. Practically perfect, in every way. (You actually do)

I was a nanny for many years and I always found the hardest jobs were the ones where the parents just didn't see you as a person, just as a 'role'. The ones who turn up an hour late every day with no notice knowing you can't leave, they just can't imagine you could be needing to leave because you are nanny, there is no other part in your life! Like the parents in one job who refused to let me leave early when I had a migraine- both parents were at home as their only child with no special needs had a routine dental appointment. All 3 of us drove to the appointment, me in sunglasses trying to keep my head steady. Finally let me go at the exact moment my working day ended, an hour after their other nanny arrived, then called me 30 mins after I got home to wake to ask where a brio toy train carriage was. Not a favoured toy, one he barely touched. When I tried to tell them I had no idea, while trying not to cry, I got the kind of telling off you'd get after teaching a toddler to swear. Oh and called me an hour later to inform my they found the train- in their room, where I wasn't allowed to go. Not to appologise, just to inform me. I still stuck that job out a year as I loved that toddler and he needed some consistency.

It feels good to get that out I have way too many stories like that, I've worked for many lovely families but the horror ones really stick with you.

The mind boggles. My neigjbour is a 'mothers help'. She goes to someone's house everyday for 3 hours to help the parents get a 11, 9 and 7 year old ready for bed because they can cope. its bizarre

it’s all going to shit because she’s a pushover
This is the worst. I worked as an a aupair and the mum wanted me to do all the discipline while she was fun parent. I remember once her 4 year old putting chips up his nose when we were eating dinner together and she was laughing and egging him on. Afterwards I got a bollocking for not enforcing table manners.

I wouldn’t ever criticise someone for having and using a nanny - I’m a working parent myself but I am really intrigued by the concept of a weekend nanny. What do the parents do if the nanny is with the children? I can get the odd few weekends of childcare or maybe even a morning to go to the gym but are there really lots of parents who pay for that much permanent childcare over a weekend so they never have to parent their children?

@Ratatcat. I would happily pay for a weekend nanny for one day of the weekend... But only one day so I could have one lie in and go for a run.

Definitely a DH problem here... if he was better at making sure that I was actually left alone for my lie in and it didn't end at 8am while his goes on till 11.30, I wouldn't need it. Though it might be nice to have a weekend housekeeper...We could do loads of crafts or baking and then go out for the afternoon and come back to a tidy house with a lovely dinner made instead of a bombsite while I shove some fish fingers in the oven.

Clearly the poor child craves attention from her mum and wants to spend time with her. Maybe if she did the bedtime routine of bath/story etc she might not have this trouble. Honestly don't know why some people have kids.

Lightheartedly, I hope you’ve got your next job lined up OP, as this is just the kind of thread the daily snail will lift as it will appeal to their “target audience” who aspire to having a nanny/au pair. If you haven’t changed details then it’s quite identifying.

Ratatcat there’s not often long left in the weekend for parenting after working long hours all week. It’s not an issue I have but my colleague employs a weekend nanny because we’re often called to work on weekends, usually short notice, and a raft of family/social/personal obligations that are neglected all week then need to be attended to.

I've been waiting for a thread like this for ages (I nearly started one myself) but now got cold feet about posting! Don't want to be outed..These are the nicer stories or from a long time ago..

I've been a nanny on and off for about 35 years.. I now interview them and only nanny for working Parents.
(Apart from one family where the dad worked in an office in the house. It was good though because when he came in for loo/coffee and the child asked for the biscuit/TV on that I'd said no to half an hour before he always said 'what did Marylou say? She's in charge..' That was a great job.. was there for 3+ years)
But when younger I worked for some very wealthy families.. Being introduced as 'The Nanny' was a bit rubbish.

Having the childs Grandfather follow me to the nursery and coming on to me everytime he came to see his GD. (He even tried to grope me once and got a slap)

Trying to keep a toddler happy when mum swans around (in and out of playroom..WHY??? Just get ready say goodbye and go!!) getting ready for tennis/lunch/Bridge club when all he wanted was some of her time..

When you have instilled some good table manners, having a lovely relaxed lunch but the second mum comes home knowing she will just chase the boy around the (huge) kitchen with the plate, pleading with him to eat..He loved that game!..she'd dissolve into tears, flounce out and then he'd just sit and resume eating!

I have so many stories..Good and bad.

I was a nanny in South America for an British Embassy Official (fantastic parents, amazing year and I had my own maid and chauffer!). At a garden party the baby was fretting and following parents permission I found a quiet spot in the shade in the huge garden and after rocking her pram I left her to cry a bit..Not hysterical just overtired..I was about 10ft away sitting eating my own lunch just watching and waiting for baby to settle...suddenly I was shouted at by this woman..she berated me, saying that she was disgusted by me leaving the baby alone, crying. I should be sacked..I was a disgrace etc etc. Before I could even reply both my bosses came over and told her to not interfere! They had employed me because of my experience.. and I was following their method.. Well she was very cross..(in South America rich children were spoilt and indulged... they didn't want that for their own child) Turns out that she was the wife of the Ambassador and her staff were treated like slaves. I got to know one of their nannies very well. Poor girl..I encouraged her to find another job with the help of my bosses.

I've worked for a control freak parent who told me they would like the socks paired on the airer! whilst drying.!. I had worked for another poorly mum with severe PND/OCD who had told me to gently tell her to get a grip and not indulge her! (lovely job which I only left when mum was well enough to care for her kids by herself again)
So I sort of ignored the sock request and they stopped asking..The socks were sometimes paired overnight tho!

I've also worked for people whose friends seem to think it was ok to boss me about/babysit their kids for free etc. My boss used to have suppers where they'd all go out for a few hours after and I'd settle the kids in sleeping bags in front of a Disney film (or two)..There was always this one mother who'd try and change the film..er no.. Could I bath Tabitha? (I could have sometimes 10 kids from 8mths- 12yrs) ..er no.. Could Tabitha have a different snack? er no. (plain popcorn for all, easy to make, share and clean up) ..She was such a user too.. all the other mums slipped me a couple of quid...never her until one day my lovely boss said she had to pay me..She stopped coming after that.

That's enough I'm sure.. But I tell you, there's no end of stories like this from nannies..I've kept in touch with about 80% of my charges and at my 50th birthday party 10 kids and some parents showed up..Wonderful..

I had an interview with a family one time where the mum was telling me all about their country weekend house where I would go with them. It was for a live out job, no weekends. I’d just moved in with my now dh.

This mum really couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to accept the job. It was, after all, a beautiful house, and I’d have my own room!

Another family didn’t want to pay me for working Christmas Day and New Years Day, as I was in a 5* hotel.

Parents are always the worst part of nannying!

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I would even accompany them on family days out to be responsible for the children and ensure impeccable behaviour at all times

Again... not an entirely unattractive proposition

Yep! Whilst I’m sure there are long term benefits to the hard graft of (DH or I) always doing every single flipping bedtime, I really can’t judge anyone who can afford not to. When mine were very tiny (still young but sleeping now) I used to fantasise about having a nanny... the dream!

Er, who are all you people saying that bedtime is the best bit of the day?????

I invite you to come and enjoy my DS(4) who is currently being a complete tyrant every night about exactly HOW one reads Superworm, which creatures we count on each page, which bits he says, which words I have to deliberately say wrong because DH misread them once and it was hilarious....

Then I get 20 mins of saying “no” to batshit delaying tactics. Except it drives him mad to be interrupted (reasonable) so I have to wait patiently while he outlines his batshit request before I can say “no fucking way” to it.

Then he plays his “need a wee” trump card...

Sorry, rant over, but so many PPs saying how these parents are missing out was starting to get to me