Husband's having another breakdown

[MrsLY]

Hi all, this is my first time on here and I'm absolutely desperate for help and advice please.
10 ish years ago my husband had a breakdown, we had issues outside of our marriage, but the main reason for it was I ended up unable to walk and confined to bed in excruciating pain. I ended up having emergency surgery on my spine.
My darling loving husband couldn't bare seeing me in so much pain and it tipped him over the edge, for over 2 years he shouted and screamed at me, in front of customers, we ran a public house, accused me of having an affair, totally untrue, along with lots of other accusations that he believed to be true, but weren't. We never split up as we lived and worked together in the club. I tried getting him to the Drs but he refused to believe anything was wrong with him, I eventually convinced him to go, told the dr all he was doing and saying, she agreed he was having a breakdown, he sat there and denied it all and said I'd made it up so she couldn't help him.
We left the club, my back got better and he came out of his breakdown back to the most loving caring husband he was before.
Now it's happened again, I became bed bound un a lot of pain, January this year, and with covid, job uncertainty ect ect in April he announced he hadn't loved me for two years and walked out on me.
He refuses to speak to me or see me, we communicate through text message, he accuses me of horrendous things, again that aren't true, but he truly believes they are.
It breaks my heart every day knowing he's going through this, but again he refuses to believe that he's having a breakdown, he's turned into the man I lived with all those years ago, the complete opposite of the man I love and adore.
Like last time he can hold down a job and be perfectly 'normal' to everyone around him, apart from me, all his anger is aimed at me.
I'm absolutely desperate for my husband to get better, but he refuses to see me so I cannot help him this time.
Has anybody else experienced anything like this, any help or advice would be so appreciated.

Omg OP. No. I am in absolute agreement with the others, it's possible he's had some depression or some anxiety, but he isn't having a breakdown.

I had a breakdown. And this is not how someone having a breakdown acts. You don't single out certain people to be nasty to and then act fine with others.

This may be very hard reading these replies, you don't know the situation you are in isn't normal and it's probably always been like this. It isn't normal though. You are even defending him I'm your posts and it's what you are used to doing.

OP, you're own mental health will suffer if you're constantly exposed to his horrible behaviour. From what you've said, I can't see him being a helpful and supportive partner if you were to have your own (genuine) MH crisis caused by him being a cunt whenever you're unable to be his support-human.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

*your

So when you are ill and in pain, he makes it all about him, abuses the hell out of you and gets away with it. And he's absolutely fine with everyone else and can hold down a job. And you think that this is not something he is choosing to do? He's got you very well trained.

You need to leave him permanently, because he will do this again. And again. And again. For the rest. of. your. life. And your children will witness this. For their sake and yours, get out.

So basically, he is only treating you badly because he loves you so much, the fact that he has been so awful is proof that he really really loves you. Its one of the oldest abusive lines out there, given a fresh new mental health spin.
Even if he was mentally unwell (which I doubt) There is NOTHING you can do to help him. Sad but true.
If he is simply selfish/emotionally abusive (which seems likely) there is NOTHING you can do to change him (the best you can hope for is to manage is behaviour, by never getting sick etc)
Of course its always possible he is abusive and mentally ill - in which case you still cant change him or make things better for either of you whilst you remain together.

Also, I can almost guarantee that while you were bedbound and he was angry at you for it he was also sleeping with someone else. That might partly explain why he had to preemtively put the blame on you.

Go through the horrendous things hes accussed you of. Probably at least 50% he will have done himself (or similar). Its projection.

So you were in chronic pain & bed-bound yet somehow it ended up being all about him?

Please protect yourself & your DC & do not put up with him. It sounds very abusing & as if he's gaslighting you.

I had a breakdown. My genuinely wonderful loving husband supported me while I recovered. Not once did he shout or scream at me and he did it all while holding down a full time job