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Original poster

Ds wants to go on holidays

41 replies

TonMoulin · 12/11/2020 14:16

It’s a wwyd really.

Ds is planning to go on hols with a friend on his in Europe (hopefully Covid restrictions will have been lifted by then). He asked if he could go.
I’m torn.
On One side he will have turned 18yo when they will go away so who am I to say he can’t go??

On the other, his friend will be a young 17yo so ds will be solely responsible for him as the adult.
Neither of them have ever travelled in their own and we (parents) will be paying for it. (The issue here for me is the fact that they might well nit be able to go so we, the parents, would end up loosing that money iyswim)

What do you all think? Ok to let him go or no stay at home?

OP posts:
Myneighboursnorlax · 12/11/2020 14:21

I’d say fine for him to go, but not fine for parents to pay. If he wants to be grown up enough to go on holiday by himself then he’s old enough to get a job to pay for it 🙂

Myneighboursnorlax · 12/11/2020 14:32

I feel like I should clarify:

It’ll take him time to get a job and save up, especially during coronavirus, so he’ll be that much older when he does get to book the holiday.

A job will teach him more responsibility so you’ll then be less concerned about him going away on his own.

You don’t have to be the bad guy saying no he can’t go, just that he’ll need to find a way to fund it himself. Teenagers can be resourceful when they really want something. It also might become less appealing when he realises it’s his own money he’ll be risking if the holiday isn’t able to go ahead.

PiperPiper20 · 12/11/2020 15:06

Why will you be paying? If hes 18 and an adult wanting to go away with friends then he pays for himself.

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TJF2020 · 12/11/2020 15:23

@TonMoulin

It’s a wwyd really.

Ds is planning to go on hols with a friend on his in Europe (hopefully Covid restrictions will have been lifted by then). He asked if he could go.
I’m torn.
On One side he will have turned 18yo when they will go away so who am I to say he can’t go??

On the other, his friend will be a young 17yo so ds will be solely responsible for him as the adult.
Neither of them have ever travelled in their own and we (parents) will be paying for it. (The issue here for me is the fact that they might well nit be able to go so we, the parents, would end up loosing that money iyswim)

What do you all think? Ok to let him go or no stay at home?

Have you looked into interrailing, a few of my friends did it back when we was 17/18. Best thing I would do is wait until we know what's happening with covid so you don't end up losing out on money, or if any of the countries they visit go into a lockdown while they are there. Have you spoken to your son if he would be happy to go in 2022? At least his friend would be 18 as well then
Jilljams · 12/11/2020 15:26

At 18 he’s old enough to decide for himself whether to go but also old enough to pay for it himself. I wouldn’t pay for an 18 year old to go on holiday unless it were a family holiday.

OrigamiOwl · 12/11/2020 15:28

At 18 he's old enough to decide himself, but he's also old enough to pay for it.

unicornparty · 12/11/2020 15:37

Agree with the others. He should pay himself.

user1493413286 · 12/11/2020 15:40

At 18 if expect him to pay to go or at least pay the majority and you contribute as a birthday or Christmas present. He isn’t really asking your permission, he’s just asking you to pay as if he was paying himself he could just book it

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/11/2020 15:42

Why would you pay?

Original poster
TonMoulin · 12/11/2020 15:43

Yes the money is one part of the issue that we need to address. As @Myneighboursnorlax said, it won’t be easy to find something just at this moment in time...

But the more I think about it, the more my issue is with him been responsible of his friend. I think I feel comfortable trusting ds bit not so much his friend (they’ve known each other for years, since primary and the friend has never struck me to be as independent iyswim).

Im also wondering what the effect of brexit will or won’t have on that sort of trip too (I’m thinking travel insurance and the like).

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 12/11/2020 15:44

He's 18, its up to him.
Give him your best advice, keep your phone on and be happy for him.
Not much else you can do.

Original poster
TonMoulin · 12/11/2020 15:44

@TJF2020, I could see ds been happy with inter rail to travel around. It seems that his friend suggested the plane and hasn’t even considered it!

OP posts:
Original poster
TonMoulin · 12/11/2020 15:45

That’s a fair point @IHaveBrilloHair

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2020 15:45

Funding his travel jollies is not doing him any favours. He is well old enough to learn that If he wants to do something "extra" he needs to pay for it himself. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he needs to behave like one.

purpleme12 · 12/11/2020 15:50

If he's going with a friend who's 17 I wouldn't say he was responsible for his friend
That's like babysitting
That isn't the situation here
It is up to the other boy's parents whether he's responsible enough to go and presumably they've decided he is
They'd be looking after each other cos they're there together but you can't say he's responsible for his friend cos he's 18

DickBastardly · 12/11/2020 15:53

Gosh, some very ungenerous replies here! So, as the son is aged 17 at the moment then his holiday would be fully funded for if it was happening now but as it takes place on a day or after he turns 18 then the cost is 100% down to him and tough shit if he can’t afford it? Its no wonder there’s an increasing number of young adults who no longer have regular contact with parents these days once they are old enough to make that decision for themselves...

OP, I personally wouldn’t allow it simply because the other person will be under 18. If the 17 year old drinks, it will be your sons responsibility. If they get into trouble, it will be your sons responsibility.

vanillandhoney · 12/11/2020 15:53

I don't think his friends' age is really relevant.

If he wants to go on holiday at 18 years of age, you can't stop him, but he also can't demand that pay for him. If he's old enough to travel alone, he's old enough to fund it.

Lots of places are hiring temporary Christmas staff. Tell him he needs to get a job. Obviously it may not be possible with COVID but he needs to at least try. And if he can't save up the right amount, then he can't go, ca he?

LemonBreeland · 12/11/2020 15:56

@DickBastardly

Gosh, some very ungenerous replies here! So, as the son is aged 17 at the moment then his holiday would be fully funded for if it was happening now but as it takes place on a day or after he turns 18 then the cost is 100% down to him and tough shit if he can’t afford it? Its no wonder there’s an increasing number of young adults who no longer have regular contact with parents these days once they are old enough to make that decision for themselves...

OP, I personally wouldn’t allow it simply because the other person will be under 18. If the 17 year old drinks, it will be your sons responsibility. If they get into trouble, it will be your sons responsibility.

I would expect a 17 year old to fund his own holiday too. My friends and I certainly did that when we were young. If you're old enough to go on holiday without family you are old enough to pay for it.
LindaEllen · 12/11/2020 15:59

My parents wouldn't have paid for me to go away with friends, I would be expected to fund it myself - though they would pay if it was a family holiday with them.

He's 18 and you can't stop him, but him not being able to pay for it would stop him!

fabulousathome · 12/11/2020 16:00

My 18 year old went to Edinburgh Fringe Festival (August) many years ago as his first independent holiday with a friend. They flew and all went well.

If it operates in 2021 that might be something fun for them to do.

titchy · 12/11/2020 16:05

Why on earth do people and OP think her ds will be responsible for the 17 year old? He's his mate, he doesn't have parental responsibility for him. If he drinks he drinks. Why is the 18 year old suddenly going to get arrested for something a 17 year old has done. How utterly bizarre.

Make sure they have decent travel insurance above all else. Don't book till you know what the covid situation is. Give him whatever you feel comfortable with as a birthday/Christmas present and wish them Bon voyage. Pack condoms and tell him if he comes back with a tattoo you'll kill him!

VinylDetective · 12/11/2020 16:11

Its no wonder there’s an increasing number of young adults who no longer have regular contact with parents these days once they are old enough to make that decision for themselves...

Yes, having to pay for your own holiday is obviously justification for going no contact with your parents. Meanwhile, back in the real world, he should pay for his own holiday and won’t be babysitting his (slightly) younger friend just because they’re going together.

Cuddling57 · 12/11/2020 16:14

There are two very seperate issues here.
He is 18 - it's not up to you if he can go holiday. Ofcourse he can!
Money - you can say no you aren't paying. If you want to contribute or pay as a treat then fine.
Give him advise about not booking yet until the last minute with what's going on and chat to him about his plans and contingencies as a caring parent.

Elieza · 12/11/2020 16:15

Like Fabulous said, I’d suggest they go on a U.K. holiday first and see how they manage that before they even consider going abroad. I’d consider paying towards that as it would encourage them to try it. The Edinburgh festival is a great idea and they will have to live outwith the city as it will be booked in advance, so they’ll have to commute to it, good practice negotiating unfamiliar transport. And watching the time to get the last train ‘home’ to their hotel.

I’d be worried about how they’d handle problems that could arise abroad.

What happens if they fall out?
Lose their wallets or get robbed? Need healthcare?
Get arrested because the 17 year old gets caught drinking underage and the two of them get flung in a hellhole?
Lose their phones/tickets/passports?
Fall asleep drunk and miss their flight home?

They should pay for their own foreign holidays.

Original poster
TonMoulin · 12/11/2020 16:22

Well I disagree with the fact ds wouldn’t have any responsibility.

As some PP out if they go out and start drinking even though the friend is underage, it will be ds responsibility as the adult in the group.

If ds is falling ill, the friend would have some major issues staying in a hotel on his own etc...

It’s not babysitting (even though seen the dynamic between them, I’m pretty sure it’s ds that will be fully in charge there... I also know that the friend’s parents are only happy with the idea because the friend would go with ds, who is seen as a very reliable person who will take charge...). It’s the legal side I’m wondering about.

But... he will be 18yo then...

Can you see I’m totally conflicted Grin

OP posts: