Ds wants to go on holidays

[TonMoulin]

It’s a wwyd really.

Ds is planning to go on hols with a friend on his in Europe (hopefully Covid restrictions will have been lifted by then). He asked if he could go.
I’m torn.
On One side he will have turned 18yo when they will go away so who am I to say he can’t go??

On the other, his friend will be a young 17yo so ds will be solely responsible for him as the adult.
Neither of them have ever travelled in their own and we (parents) will be paying for it. (The issue here for me is the fact that they might well nit be able to go so we, the parents, would end up loosing that money iyswim)

What do you all think? Ok to let him go or no stay at home?

@Elieza, for various reasons ds is actually quite used to do that sort of things. He has already travelled by train through Europe on his own, incl Changing trains, been careful with departure time, arriving in time and the likes.

THAT is not what I’m Worried about.
I don’t think His fri as done any of that, so yes he will be more reliant on ds that I would like.

I agree with previous posters, your DS isn't responsible for the other boy just because he'll be 18. The 17yo is responsible for himself.

I went inter railing with a friend when we were both 17. And my parents paid

If it were two 18 year olds I would say yes straight away. Not sure about a 17 year old though.

My dd is 17 and wanted to go on holiday with some college friends (who were also 17) last summer (obviously cancelled because of covid).

We said that she could but we had already paid for a family holiday and if she wanted to go on an extra holiday with friends then she would need to save up for it herself. She agreed that that was the fair thing to do.

As some PP out if they go out and start drinking even though the friend is underage, it will be ds responsibility as the adult in the group.

Seriously he won't. Where do you get this idea from. He's no more responsible for him as the couple in the hotel over the road.

Why would the friend have problems staying in the hotel if ds was (presumably?) in hospital?

Yes wouldn't have any issue with this. Mine all went abroad afterGCSE and A levels. In a group at 16 and with one other at 17 and 18. Your son is not responsible for his friend. It's his parents call and the responsibility for him remains with them.

Your DS won't be responsible for his friends underage drinking anymore than I was responsible for my friends with summer birthdays trying to sneak into nightclubs with those of us born earlier in the year (even when we were involved in trying to convince the bouncers they were over 18). His parents with parental responsibility are happy for him to go, he's over the age of responsibility and therefore is responsible for his own actions.

[quote TonMoulin]@TJF2020, I could see ds been happy with inter rail to travel around. It seems that his friend suggested the plane and hasn’t even considered it![/quote]
Would possibly work out cheaper as well, maybe they could both look into it. But if his friend wants to go he's still got a few months to prove he's responsible, and with people saying it's not your DS responsibility to look after him. It's hard as if your away and he does do something silly you would feel responsible even if you didn't do anything. I was always the one in the group who ended up sorting things and being responsible some friendship groups just have that dynamic and it work.

I would also take into consideration that we leaving the EU Jan could that throw any spanner's in their plans re travel, furthermore If they went would also check with their mobile providers if they get data roaming so at least you can still contact them without stupid charges!

I don't get why your DS would be responsible. It's not unusual for a group of teens going away to be mixed ages 16/17/18. The onus is on the kids and their parents, not their mates, if any trouble occurs.

Sorry OP you’re confusing me!

Initially you said:
“Neither of them have ever travelled in their own”

In your reply to me you said:
“He has already travelled by train through Europe on his own, incl Changing trains, been careful with departure time, arriving in time and the likes”.

These two things don’t tie up. When people do that it can be because they are holding back facts. So spill em all so we can give you our full assistance!

I’ll clarify.
They’ve never done a full travel on their own. As in leaving home taking train/bus/plane, arises at destination blabla.

Ds has travelled quite a bit in the U.K. and abroad and has parts of that in his own (like travelling from one country to the next, leaving one party in one place and joining the other party in another european country). I wouldn’t call that travelling on his own.

Ok interesting re responsibility.

I know that no hotel would be happy to have an under 18yo staying there in their own. Would be different with a youth hostel maybe?

And YY about leaving the EU and its consequences.

I think I’m going to say to ds that it’s up to him BUT he shouldn’t be booking anything until we know what’s happening with Covid.
We need to have a chat re money. I’m happy to pay all or part of it but we need to agree on a budget too!

I’m intrigued by how the conversation went that means you’re paying?

Did he just say “me and Tom are going on holiday next year” and the assumption you’ll pay has not been mentioned by any of you.

Or did he ask very nicely if you’ll pay?

I can’t imagine a would where my teenagers would assume they could have a holiday and not pay for themselves

He asked very nicely if that would be ok. He also said he had a look at how it would cost, would need to go into more details etc....
No assumption we would pay as such.

My answer was ‘me and your dad need to talk about it. I’m nit sure’. I mentioned Covid, brexit as potential cause of issue.

Tbh, he is in 6th form and for me, its more important that he concentrates on his learning that having a job. I think this is a cultural difference here (not British) and yes, that would be quite normal where I am coming from.

As an adult he can go if he wants of course but also as an adult he can damn well pay for it himself! Inc spending money!

I agree it's a bit much him being responsible for his friend and also nobody knows what effect Brexit will have on things yet.

If he's going with a friend who's 17 I wouldn't say he was responsible for his friend

Because authorities would act as such and in some countries it can legally be the case plus in most cases insurance wise he would be!

If the friend gets drunk and aggro or lost etc ops ds will very likely be considered responsible for him.

To be perfectly honest many insurers would refuse to cover them or the cost would be very high! They've been burned so much by pairs and groups of this age holidaying and getting into strife.

I think the idea of a "trial" Uk holiday first is an excellent idea as not only would it be within a country they're familiar with (no language barrier etc) it would also give the opportunity to see if they're compatible for holidaying together.

I holidayed with friends around this age, sometimes it went ok but sometimes they were a pita! And to learn that potentially at the beginning of a 2 week holiday overseas and no escape can be a nightmare!

As adults we know that you never really know quite how annoying another adult can be until you're spending this kind of time with and "living" with them - hell one of my "pita" was my flat mate! Totally fine in Uk utter nightmare when on holiday! She wanted us all to have a schedule it was like being on holiday with Monica geller in "maid of honour" mode! We just wanted to laze on the beach, see a few sights if we felt like it and go clubbing at night she was trying to book us on every bloody excursion going, it came to a head when she set our alarms to go off at 8am one morning so we'd be up to go on an excursion she fancied but not one of the rest of us did! She was lucky to be alive after that one