What age to stop presents?

[LionessRoar]

Growing up none of our family had a lot of money and there was mutual agreement with all my aunts/ uncles that we received no presents after age of 16. Same rule for all my cousins too. Everyone perfectly happy with this.
Now as an adult, I am married and have no kids. Every year we spend hundreds on presents for the children in DHs family. We don’t see most of them at all, or maybe a few times a year for the rest. We do not expect/ need gifts in return but we don’t get anything bought for us, except maybe a £5 gift or some treats for the dog. Gifts are for children only, which is fine but I’m just trying to give a whole picture.
The oldest child is now 16 so I am wondering what people do? Do you have an age cut off, or do you buy gifts indefinitely, even for those you rarely see/ have little relationship with? We are now comfortably off so it isn’t about the money as such but just working out what most people do.
If you have a cut off age, how do you have this conversation with the parents? Do you find people are understanding or did you have problems. Any advice gratefully received.

18 in our family. After that it's all charity goats.

18 here. It's just one of those unwritten rules. By the time they were teenagers we were swapping money/gift cards which was a bit daft. Still birthday cards though.

21 if they go to Uni. 18 if they're earning.

My kids would like me to tell the relatives that it's 16 because they hate having to say a heartfelt thank you for a toiletry gift set they didn't want, won't use, and which will be charity shopped as soon as they're open again after Christmas.

It was 18 in my family and l think that’s fair enough

We continue buying all through the lifespan.
I don't think it's very fair on you receiving nothing but buying for all these gifts. If my DC were receiving gifts from you I'd be sending even a small gift as a thank you.
Surely that's the done thing for couples with no dc.

18 in our family usually but I’m probably going to do it until 21 as back when the family used to stop at 18, the kids in our family didn’t go to uni (I was one of the first). Lots of the generation before me who made these rules married and owned their own homes and had at least one baby by 21...that doesn’t happen these days and I feel like my DNs really need the money or a treat they wouldn’t be able to buy themselves as they have student loans etc and life is tough for them.

Def stop at 16 op

We stop at 18, everyone understands that (plus a cheque for 21st). But we never spent £100s on presents, there was an unwritten rule so that we all more or less spent the same (it got to the stage for teenagers where it was just £20 notes/vouchers being swapped around .

Thanks everyone, seems like 18 is the general consensus. Will have a chat with DH but that sounds fair and as I say it’s not that we can’t afford it. Very helpful to see what everyone else does though.
@Spied yes I agree, seems a bit mean to not send a token gift but it’s the way it is. The largest family gets £120-£150 spent on them per Christmas (plus same again for birthdays throughout the year) from us and the most we receive is £5 chocs/ dog biscuits etc. They don’t have loads of money but I do think it’s really rude not to reciprocate. But that’s the way it has always been.

Two siblings in our family don’t have kids. We don’t do sibling presents but always buy for the 2 without kids from our kids.

I'm 36 and my mum still buys me gifts

There are 3 nephews/nieces on DHs side and all in their late 20/early 30 and DH still gives them £20 each at Christmas. They each earn mire than DH and put together and i really dont see the point. But DH says hes happy to give🤷🏼‍♀️.

I have 2 on my side and give them £20 each but they are 16 and 14. I’m stopping my brother and SIL this year. Aint posting anything for them as it will too expensive.

@kittykat35

I'm 36 and my mum still buys me gifts

Oh I assumed this was about extended family not adult children. I’ve never met anyone that’s doesn’t at least get their adult kids a token gift. Childless and single adult children usually get a decent gift. I’m 36, single and childless and still get gifts from my parents as do all my older siblings. I do spend a lot on my parents too though.

Yes, sorry if I wasn’t clear, this is about extended family. We are both in our 40s and still buy for each set of parents and adult siblings.

There’s no cut off here. Presents forever! But there’s not many of us-be different if there were lots I guess

We have a big family with lots of adults, so each year we do an "unsecret santa" - everyone gets two names, and they get decent presents. You join the draw at 18, everyone under 18 gets presents from everyone.

This way works really well for us. We have a vague price range of £50ish per gift, and so everyone gets two presents they really like, and no socks/soap/sporting autobiographies.

18. For those that don't have children (only two couples) I always get them something as they buy for my kids, otherwise massively unfair.

I don’t think I’d do a cut off age.

Eg an 19yo and a 15yo (siblings) together at their mum/dads on Christmas Day might feel weird about just the 15yo getting something.

I’d just cut the budget for all the presents rather than beginning to cut people off the list.

I've never considered a cut-off age. But gifts need to be reciprocal, (unless one-off, for guests) and dependent on emotional closeness rather than familial proximity.

@LionessRoar

Thanks everyone, seems like 18 is the general consensus. Will have a chat with DH but that sounds fair and as I say it’s not that we can’t afford it. Very helpful to see what everyone else does though. *@Spied* yes I agree, seems a bit mean to not send a token gift but it’s the way it is. The largest family gets £120-£150 spent on them per Christmas (plus same again for birthdays throughout the year) from us and the most we receive is £5 chocs/ dog biscuits etc. They don’t have loads of money but I do think it’s really rude not to reciprocate. But that’s the way it has always been.

If you're expecting things back then you can end up putting financial pressure on people who don't have your flush finances. If it's a problem for you not to be receiving things back then perhaps stop giving now. You can be very explicit re: this e.g. say "things are tighter for lots of people, perhaps this is the year just to exchange cards and good wishes?". Honestly I think it's a bit unfair on them to expect something back.

We agreed with DH’s siblings after having children that we would only buy for the children and not for the adults. The children are all primary school age, so we have years before we will stop. But you’re buying for both children and adults and it all adds up.

I have a large family and most aunts and uncles stopped buying substantial christmas presents for nieces and nephews at 18 but are still likely to give a bottle of wine or chocolates... (though the two I'm closest to still buy for me at 30).

Birthday presents usually continue until you have your first child (again accept my two closest).

To clarify, by substantial I don't mean spending hundreds.... probably max £20-30 per gift.

Once kids get to 18 in my family/in-laws it's a case of beer or bottle of spirits. Always appreciated! 🍺

18 and then a larger b'day present at 21. Then cards only.
DH's family only give presents if they actually see the person on their birthday/Christmas. If we don't see them, they don't get anything!