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Original poster

Parents spending so much on DC at Christmas - how to deal?

52 replies

WellTidy · 09/11/2020 09:54

I am an only child. My parents are in their late 70s, and my two DC (12 and 8yo) are their only grandchildren. Christmas was always huge in my house when I was growing up - lots of presents, massive fuss, all the extended family together. Lots of lovely memories.

Since they've been born, my parents have spent around £250, sometimes more, on each of the DC at Christmas. They've (mostly) always asked me what they would want, and my parents have paid for them. They live 250 miles away so that works well. In previous years, they've had a massive trampoline, bikes, trips to the theatre, battery operated sit in car, tent, umpteen toys, Lego sets, trains, art and craft stuff, cooking stuff, the list is endless.

This year, they want to do the same, and they've said that they would prefer to buy one big thing than small things. There is nothing that either child wants - they have only asked for small, inexpensive things. I don't think DC1 has ever in his life asked for anything remotely expensive, actually. They each have presents that they received last year that they haven't played with (lego sets for Dc1 and toys for DC2 - not things they asked for, but things I thought they would like). DH and I are thinking of getting DC1 a PS5, and DC2 their own Switch (DC1 currently has a switch that they share with DC2). DC2 also needs a new bike, but due to SN, we can only get a certain type and that is more than £250ish (I cannot say this to my parents as they would up the budget and buy the bike and that doesn't sit well with me as it is too much money, I think).

But apart from that, and maybe a couple of games to go with it, I am at a complete loss. I've bought stocking fillers, and books for each of them. I cannot think of anything else, and I've gone through everything in my head eg something for garden play, something linked to hobbies, clothes (neither of them interested) etc.

My parents (well my mother) is very keen to spend this money on them, and is pressing and pressing me to say what they should get, for me to buy it and then they will reimburse me. But I am at a complete loss. And things like a west end theatre trip aren't possible.

Mine are getting a little too old for annual local farm membership.

I really don't know what to do, and my mother is getting restless because we are nowhere near to sorting this. We won't be seeing them this side of Christmas, or probably over Christmas, due to Covid.

I have explained all of this to my mother - that they don't want anything, that I cannot think of anything. But that upsets them, as they want to give.

OP posts:
Ickabog · 09/11/2020 09:57

Would they considet buying some premium bonds for the children?

Willow4987 · 09/11/2020 09:57

Can they not put the money they would normally spend towards the bike for DS2? Or get accessories for it like helmet, wheel lights etc?

And for DS1, they could maybe get games for the PS5 or just contribute towards it?

ChinDiaper · 09/11/2020 09:57

My MIL puts money into the DCs savings account and buys a reasonably priced gift.

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Cocolapew · 09/11/2020 09:58

Would she give them cash so they could spend it as they want throughout the year?

Mumdiva99 · 09/11/2020 10:02

Let them pay towards the consoles. Then you can save the money you would spend for the bike etc Although tbh I wouldn't buy a second switch....one in the house is enough. Just get them the PS5 to share. Or get second son his bike.

zigaziga · 09/11/2020 10:02

Savings definitely but if they are already doing that or it’s not an option, how much is the PS5 or Switch? Would they not be at least half of their budget? And you could ask them to buy them and the rest in cash that you will save on your DC’s behalf towards university costs or first house?

I’d think them saving for them and helping them out with a deposit on a house would be a much better use of money and a nice way for them to be remembered after they are gone. As nice as expensive gifts might be in the short term, they don’t last.

Original poster
WellTidy · 09/11/2020 10:03

They want to buy something in its entirety, so would happily buy the bike in its entirety, but I am not comfortable with this as I think it is way too much money.

They already buy £100 in premium bonds for them for their birthdays and have done since birth (as well as presents).

They each have pocket money going intot heir bank accounts from DH and I, and from PIL, every month. This has been the case for a good few years. Neither of them has spent a penny of it, they simply don't want anything and are really happy with their lot, it seems. DC1 has had about £40 in his wallet for about a year now. Never wants to buy anything. So to give them cash would just add to their savings, and they want to give them gifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
WellTidy · 09/11/2020 10:05

Re contributing towards the consoles - they would buy each of the consoles outright, if I were to suggest a contribution to them. And that doesn't sit right with me, knowing how much they had in mind to spend.

OP posts:
movingonup20 · 09/11/2020 10:11

Do they have a computer? A shared desktop computer with decent spec can be bought for £500 and is ideal for those ages. Helps with school work, potentially homeschooling, online gaming is a lifeline for many isolating kids too

doadeer · 09/11/2020 10:19

I think it's always tricky from your side but you need to consider from their perspective it brings them so much joy spending on their grandchildren, what else would they want to spend on?

Could you sell them on the idea of making something fun like a "bran tub" with loads of little gifts in, and ask for a contribution to their savings account?

My DH family are ridiculously decadent but not thoughtful just spend way too much, my family are a lot more about special and personal. I've given up trying to change it and I know just encourage them to get things we need and put money in savings

lifestooshort123 · 09/11/2020 10:20

Would a tiny fib be in order? Could you massage the cost of the bike and console down to £250 or would they twig? Tbh this will happen every year now they have outgrown toys so you might want to think about a face to face chat about gifts next year, restrictions permitting.

Horehound · 09/11/2020 10:22

Pfff if they can afford to and want to just let them!

Alexindiamondarmour · 09/11/2020 10:26

Do they like reading? What about a book gift voucher that lasts all year and they can just keep spending it on new books that they want? Or a magazine subscription each?

What about something like a VR kit to go with the PS5?

zigaziga · 09/11/2020 10:26

I would definitely ask them for money for savings account then, if they are only getting £100 in premium bonds a year. Obviously the £100 is very generous but I would have thought 2-3x that a year and a small gift only would make much more sense. Maybe open them an ISA?

I’d have the conversation that as the DC are getting older there aren’t so many “toys” they want and you want to start saving money to pay for university / first car / first house and if they want to contribute you’d be very appreciative?

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 09/11/2020 10:32

I'm sure they don't want to give money to be squirreled away but a "thing" that they can see the children get pleasure from now.

It's lovely they want to help. Children dont understand the cost of things exactly and a bikes a bike, not dc2s fault it cost more. Maybe a bike each? Or they get the console for the pair of them to share?

I'm sure of they're this well off there will be money when they pass, so this is to enjoy mow.

hemhem · 09/11/2020 10:32

My DPs and PILs have asked similar, they won't be able to see their grandchildren so want to send something extra special for xmas presents this year. I know you're trying to do the right thing but honestly it if it will make them happy to be able to give these gifts then I would let them. My DPs tell me they don't need the money for themselves and they want to bring joy to their grandchildren. Your kids sound very well adjusted and I'm sure would not expect something so big every year so it will be a wonderful surprise for them this time.

Billynomates33 · 09/11/2020 10:35

If it doesn't cause inconvenience to you (I.e. buying things you don't have room for) I'd just let them spend their money how they want as long as you know they can afford it.
They sound like they just want to make their gc happy

LBOCS2 · 09/11/2020 10:35

How about something like Merlin passes for the family? Depending on where you live there are loads of places participating and it gives you things to do in the school holidays too! A lot of them are outside so they are cyclically opening when we go in and out of lockdown.

GregoryRowling · 09/11/2020 10:36

Let them buy the things the kids want, it isn’t about you. Your mother wants to spoil her grandkids, as long as it won’t put them into hardship leave it be. She probably gets lots of enjoyment from giving special gifts to her only grandchildren

Ickabog · 09/11/2020 10:36

@zigaziga

I would definitely ask them for money for savings account then, if they are only getting £100 in premium bonds a year. Obviously the £100 is very generous but I would have thought 2-3x that a year and a small gift only would make much more sense. Maybe open them an ISA?

I’d have the conversation that as the DC are getting older there aren’t so many “toys” they want and you want to start saving money to pay for university / first car / first house and if they want to contribute you’d be very appreciative?

I agree. It seems daft for them to spend £250 at christmas on things that aren't wanted or needed. I would ask if they could increase the savings, as in the not too distant future a decent savings account will be a great asset towards a house deposit or driving lessons.
MrsSpringfield · 09/11/2020 10:37

Just tell them about the bike. If they really want to buy it that's really kind and generous. She's probably just trying to display her love for them. I have a relative like this too. It makes her happy to buy for the kids (and she probably doesn't have all that much else to spend on as she's in a comfortable position)

aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2020 10:55

Could they get a few games each for the PS5 and Switch? That would add up to their budget.

TeaAndStrumpets · 09/11/2020 10:56

Speaking as a grandma, I say let them spend the money!

If this is what the children actually want, that is what you should get. Otherwise you are in danger of thinking of an extra gift, just so as not to breach the £250 supposed limit. That is just needless escalation Smile

I get that you worry about the sums being inequitable, but I can assure you the grandparents aren't concentrating on the financial side, they just want to buy a lovely present. (Also, maybe next year the cost will be lower...it shouldn't matter either.) You could explain that a contribution would suffice, but be prepared to give in gracefully if they want to buy the whole thing!

Your kind parents just want to share in the pleasure of Christmas giving.

User96365931 · 09/11/2020 11:03

I am a grandparent to what is likely to be my only grandchild, I’m still working but paid off the mortgage and have few outgoings so plenty of disposable income luckily. I do get great pleasure in buying things for dgd that I know she wants and after checking with parents that it’s ok for me to purchase, they are in the early days of a mortgage and living on one salary so money is tight.

I bought dgd a bike for her 3rd birthday and got sent a video of her learning to ride it, i honestly couldn’t think of anything I would rather have spent that money on.

underneaththeash · 09/11/2020 11:22

how about merlin passes for you and the kids