Parents spending so much on DC at Christmas - how to deal?

[WellTidy]

I am an only child. My parents are in their late 70s, and my two DC (12 and 8yo) are their only grandchildren. Christmas was always huge in my house when I was growing up - lots of presents, massive fuss, all the extended family together. Lots of lovely memories.

Since they've been born, my parents have spent around £250, sometimes more, on each of the DC at Christmas. They've (mostly) always asked me what they would want, and my parents have paid for them. They live 250 miles away so that works well. In previous years, they've had a massive trampoline, bikes, trips to the theatre, battery operated sit in car, tent, umpteen toys, Lego sets, trains, art and craft stuff, cooking stuff, the list is endless.

This year, they want to do the same, and they've said that they would prefer to buy one big thing than small things. There is nothing that either child wants - they have only asked for small, inexpensive things. I don't think DC1 has ever in his life asked for anything remotely expensive, actually. They each have presents that they received last year that they haven't played with (lego sets for Dc1 and toys for DC2 - not things they asked for, but things I thought they would like). DH and I are thinking of getting DC1 a PS5, and DC2 their own Switch (DC1 currently has a switch that they share with DC2). DC2 also needs a new bike, but due to SN, we can only get a certain type and that is more than £250ish (I cannot say this to my parents as they would up the budget and buy the bike and that doesn't sit well with me as it is too much money, I think).

But apart from that, and maybe a couple of games to go with it, I am at a complete loss. I've bought stocking fillers, and books for each of them. I cannot think of anything else, and I've gone through everything in my head eg something for garden play, something linked to hobbies, clothes (neither of them interested) etc.

My parents (well my mother) is very keen to spend this money on them, and is pressing and pressing me to say what they should get, for me to buy it and then they will reimburse me. But I am at a complete loss. And things like a west end theatre trip aren't possible.

Mine are getting a little too old for annual local farm membership.

I really don't know what to do, and my mother is getting restless because we are nowhere near to sorting this. We won't be seeing them this side of Christmas, or probably over Christmas, due to Covid.

I have explained all of this to my mother - that they don't want anything, that I cannot think of anything. But that upsets them, as they want to give.

How about furniture? A new mattress? Large beanbag?

I'm starting to lean towards the 'just let them' camp too. They clearly have money, want to see their DGC happy and it sounds like your DC will be happy too.

(For reference my DP's spend about £500 between 2 x DC as well, I'm also an only, so I get it)

Thanks for all the responses. Giving gives my parents huge amounts of pleasure, they absolutely dote on the DC. We will go with approaching them about a PS4 for DC1 and a bike for DC2, I think.

To answer some of the questions:

Merlin passes wouldn't be ideal as they'd involve travel, and DC2 cannot queue due to his SN. They don't need any furniture or beanbags or anything for their rooms. DC1 already has a bike. They currently share one switch console between them, and DC2 has no interest in a PS5, so that would be a gift for DC1 only. They want to buy 'things' and not contribute to savings, or premium bonds, as their savings are already decent and only DC1 has ever won on the premium bonds and that was £25 (they've given the DC £2,000 between them) and they see premium bonds purchases as a birthday thing.

They're lucky kids.

Another one who thinks let them buy it if you know they can afford it and don't feel any pressure to do so.

I asked my parents to contribute towards a triclimb for DS' 2nd birthday and they paid for 90% off it. I said it wasn't necessary but they said that that amount was what they had budgeted and were happy to spend it.

Have a conversation with them about it.

It’s much better if they can contribute to something like a bike, then to buy lots of small, unneeded things.

They really are lucky kids 🙂.

Sounds a plan. However if you do ever want to do a merlin day out, you can get a carer free, and also a pass that avoids having to directly queue. My daughter's autistic so we have suddenly realised we can now manage this!

Sounds like you are sorted for this year. In future would they be interested in paying for extra curricular activities like piano lessons, karate, or whatever - either as a regular thing or 'taster lessons'?

I remember one year my father paid for my girls to have a few ice-skating lessons. It wasn't something they kept up, but they enjoyed the lessons and are much more competent than they would otherwise have been.

Alternatively would they put it towards an activity holiday of some sort?

My mum is like this, but DS is her only grandchild so I let her get on with it. We don't ever suggest really extravagant things but she would rather she spend the money on the gift than we do. I would let them buy what the kids want. If they live so far away then this will be compensation in their minds for not seeing them so often.

I think this is wonderful of your parents and if they are all happy then even better, let them buy what the kids want. You enjoyed it growing up so why can’t they

This is the sort of shit I’m going to pull if my daughter ever has kids. Right now I’m still doing it for her, even though at 23 she’s embarrassed by it 😂

I would honestly tell your parents what the dc would like and let them make the decision about their budgets.
They are grown adults and unless they have a history of debts and poor money management it is pretty patronizing to assume that you can run their budgets better than they can.
I know you mean well but it really is their choice to make.

Look into subscription boxes.
Dd is getting one that will delivery really nice art supplies every month.

Oh god, this is going to be me in 10-20 years time. I tend to be a bit OTT on the gift front anyway, though I do try really hard to rein myself in! I just love getting nice things for people and I know I'm going to want to shower my grandchildren with everything that they could possibly desire!

Will make a note to myself now to not go overboard in order to avoid pissing off my dd.

My parents are the same. My dc are their only grandchildren and don't live near, but dote on my children, as do both of my brothers.

Let your parents buy something big, if they can afford to do do. My dad In particular loves a big Christmas and loves buying things for my dc, so I let him do it.

Mine are the opposite! Wealthy but like to spend £20. I'd so go with it.

Tell them what your children want. Discuss it. Win all round then.

My PIL are opposite too. Pots and pots of money sitting doing nothing while all gifts, adults and GC are a cheque for £20-£30.
Magazine subscription?

I'd ask them to either open an account and pay some in for the dc to use for a car/house deposit or send you the money to do the same.

This sounds very much like my mum and sister with my dc , and again we didn’t want them just giving money as frankly my dc didn’t/ don’t need it . I’d just go with saying to your mum that this is what they would like ( bike etc ) and if it’s more than they want to spend let you know .

You could pick a BIG thing to save towards.
A trip away camping in Scotland or a trip to a summer Surf School etc. Show them how to build up savings for an experience?

Dp’s mum is similar. We do say to her that dd has lots of things and she really doesn’t need loads of presents but MiL can’t help picking lots of bits up for dd (and for us for that matter).
She’s 250 miles away do maybe its partly that.

As MiL says, its her money and she wants to spend it on dd and us. We have to accept that.

We try to make sure we do outings with MiL and have her to stay and do fun stuff with her (pre Covid). She’s lovely and its not a chore to spend time with her. It’s been very hard not seeing her as much.

My parents on the other hand give cash only, don’t spend any time with dd and have rapidly lost any interest in her.

Let them spend their money now and get the pleasure of buying for their Grandchildren.

@GlowingOrb

Look into subscription boxes. Dd is getting one that will delivery really nice art supplies every month.

Yes this - mine get MEL science box, £30 a month.

Or a subscription to The Phoenix?

Framed pictures/posters for the kids rooms.
Camera
Guitar

Another vote for telling the grandparents what 'things' the kids want and if they protest that they want to spend more and are adamant that it wont go into a junior ISA or equivalent then suggest they fund extra curricular activities like music lessons, sports coaching etc. If one of your kids were to get into horse riding for example you could rapidly eat through such generous sums. And as children get older life is less about stuff and more about experiences.

Your parents are getting older and have no other grandchildren to treat. They will get a lot of pleasure in buying these large gifts for their grandchildren. You could tell them ds 1 wants play station 5 and ds 2 would like the special bike. Ask if they will pay towards the gifts and you pay the balance. If your parents want to pay it all if you think they can afford it just let them. They may not have many years left to treat grandkids. You.could buy the bits and pieces for stockings. I have grand children and would much rather see their happy little faces when they open their presents rather than having gifts myself as I honestly don't want anything. I hate seeing my dd struggle and find it a little hurtful she won't accept all the help I could give her. I am only allowed to spend £50 each on my grand children and that really does not buy much. She allows me to buy the odd pair of shoes or coat but not much else. Think of it as your present to your parents.