Will building muscle as a women keep me safe?

[CuriousWomen]

I've searched the internet far and wide for the answer of this question and nothing comes up.

I read too many stories of kidnappings, beatings, rapes, human trafficking, muggings and murders that I've basically scared myself. As women, we are biologically the weaker sex but it doesn't have to stay that way right. If we build muscle and learn to fight, we can protect ourselves, right?

Will building muscle make me stronger and will it aid in defending myself against attackers?

Will building muscle make me stronger and will it aid in defending myself against attackers?

If someone has a knife or a gun and you don’t, all the muscle in the world isn’t going to help.

Surely the best plan of action is to try and avoid situations where you are most likely to be mugged.

Obviously building muscle will make you stronger. That is the point of muscle.

No it won't. Even if you become a weight lifter you will never have the strength of a man. A team of 15 year old boys were able to absolutely trump a professional women's football team.
You should look at world rugby's data on why they banned trans women from playing rugby

You might be pleased with how you look, though.

Ah OP, I want to give you the answer you want, but I think you know. Yes building muscle will make you stronger and definitely help in an attack situation. You don’t have to answer but I’m wondering if you’ve been in that situation before and blame yourself for not fighting back. Like PP says, muscle doesn’t stop weapons and also doesn’t stop you freezing when you are terrified. These are normal reactions and not the fault of the victim for not being strong enough. Ultimately what is needed in my view is building on the current feminist movement that condemns the whole spectrum of male violence, a legal system that works in respect of these offences, and social condemnation of misogyny in all its forms. Go ahead and build your muscle if it helps you feel happy and confident but I think lobbying and activism for wider change is more what’s needed.

I was a professional athlete, trained at my sport and in the gym 15 times over 7 days every week. I was muscular and very fit. My ex was abusive, I was never as strong as him. After a while I decided I'd fight back, first by trying to hold him off and then by hitting back, yes it would work for a while but I'd always come off worse. When I blacked his eye and he was proud of me, I knew then that he'd push me more and more and things would spiral even more, I ended it.

Being physically stronger might make you feel more confident in yourself, I suppose. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if you feel vulnerable. Especially as feeling vulnerable can make you behave and carry yourself differently, which predators can see.

The examples you've listed don't just happen due to brute strength, but coercion, manipulation, deception, grooming, etc. The power an assailant has comes from more than their physical strength.

Even in physically strong people, the brain's automatic freeze response to a threat is actually far more common than the fight or flight responses. And you don't have control of which of those your brain activates when you're in danger.

I've been trafficked and raped. How muscled I was or was not would have made absolutely no difference to any of the things that happened. It would not have stopped it.

However, building my physical strength and feeling stronger and more capable in my own body does help me cope with the trauma a little. I'm not under any illusions that it would prevent anything happening to me again, though. It's just that it gives me back a bit of a sense of the control and power that was taken away from me by what happened.

If you're feeling vulnerable it might not hurt from that perspective.

Hi Op

I can understand you fear, I get worried about this too. Statistically I like to think I am likely to be safe, and it’s important not to let anxiety around this spiral out of control.

Having said that, there is no harm in learning some self defence moves and strategies to deal with certain situations. Practical real life reactive is important I think.

Just gaining muscle, I think, for many women, isn’t enough alone. We are at a disadvantage it is hard to overcome without specific training, IMO.

I used to do kick-boxing classes which I think would have helped, if only a little in that I was fit and could escape some holds. I asked my DH to grab me full force to see if I could escape. I could not and it was a real eye opener. I am not much smaller than him and am quite strong.

I think a big barrier for many is psychological. I’d love to have tried something like this: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/how-self-defense-class-changed-my-life-2018-11%3famp There used to be a similar class in London but can’t find it now. Maybe near you?

I listen to My Favorite Murder (for various reasons). It has made me more paranoid about attack (and can be upsetting in general) but they talk a lot about listening to your gut and ‘fuck politeness’. This basically means ignore social conditioning to be polite to someone who seems off, or even someone you don’t know, to not end up in a situation you don’t want to be in. Don’t be scared to be rude or make a scene if you feel unsafe.

Building muscle is a great thing for many reasons.

Sadly I don’t think it makes you attack proof.

One woman I know was attached and kidnapped after giving a man in a car directions.

I would say to be very very aware in daily life and be mistrustful. It might not be popular but there you are. Follow all the common sense tips you can find.

Simply gaining muscle wouldn’t necessarily help. However, the confidence you gain from knowing you can kick ass will help you avoid random attacks etc as your confidence will shine through. Random abusers and potential attackers are essentially weak, so pick on those who appear weaker than them (not physically, but mentally). Not sure I’m explaining this well, hopefully you understand what I’m getting at.

Learn Krav Maga for useful defence skills.

Statistically you are not in THAT much danger of being abducted or attacked in the street in the UK (if that's where you are). Those things happen a lot in some countries, but not here. Yes, assaults happen often but then are usually the boiling frog kind, not random street attacks (and I say this as someone who has actually been attacked randomly in the street-I know it's fairly rare and I am saying it to help you put it in perspective)).
I agree 100% that listening to your gut and not worrying about offending are your number 1 weapons. Putting on muscle is an excellent thing to do for your health and your confidence though, and being strong is never a bad thing. If you want to learn self defence Wing Chung is a good one for women, and it doesn't actually rely on physical strength, more anticipation and using your assailants strength against him.

OP, have you read ‘The Gift Of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker? I think that would be a very useful book for you to read.

@SenorFrog

I was a professional athlete, trained at my sport and in the gym 15 times over 7 days every week. I was muscular and very fit. My ex was abusive, I was never as strong as him. After a while I decided I'd fight back, first by trying to hold him off and then by hitting back, yes it would work for a while but I'd always come off worse. When I blacked his eye and he was proud of me, I knew then that he'd push me more and more and things would spiral even more, I ended it.

When I blacked his eye and he was proud of me?

Wow, I thought abusers were all about power and would get angry if they lost any. From what I've studied of abusers (mostly narcissists) when they lose control over a victim physically, they'll stop and start being more psychological abusive to regain some power. He was proud of you and wanted to escalate it? This to me is new.

I’m a large male that has been practicing martial arts for over 15 years.
Last year I was on the tube when a group of young drunk guys got on, I immediately got off and got the next tube. One time a drunk guy tried fighting me in a pub I agreed to fight outside and when we got out I turned around and ran away.
You can make decisions that mean you probably won’t need to fight but it’s smart to arm yourself with everything you can including being healthy and learning to defend yourself,

@Whatisthisfuckery

OP, have you read ‘The Gift Of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker? I think that would be a very useful book for you to read.

I was just about to post the same thing.

I read too many stories of kidnappings, beatings, rapes, human trafficking, muggings and murders that I've basically scared myself.

I think that's what you need to work on OP, rather than building muscle.

Sounds like you've scared yourself shitless.

@Whatisthisfuckery

OP, have you read ‘The Gift Of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker? I think that would be a very useful book for you to read.

I have, I always ignored it though when I saw it floating around different articles

What did you think of the book ?

Learning self defense is always a good idea but to be honest I don't think building muscle is any kind of failsafe against an attack (as PP says, muscle isn't much use against a weapon anyway).

Whilst being cautious is sensible (sadly), you shouldn't let fear rule your life.

Rape alarms and precautions like not walking through unlit areas alone at night might make you a little safer...

But if you find your worry is affecting your life please seek help. (I say this as someone with an anxiety disorder that often grabs onto an existing fear and becomes overwhelming).

I've heard that Krav Maga was developed to fight stronger opponents. If I were to put my DDs in a martial art it would be that one

Why are you so scared of this? We live in a country that’s relatively safe. It’s not like India (some parts cue recent news stories).

You are most likely raped by a partner, killed by a family member. Don’t get drunk
When you go out. Try and drive yourself places. Don’t live in London. Don’t go outa the at night.

You should sign up for Krav Maga !

Just from personal experience, and u appreciate this is an anecdote. I was robbed / assaulted twice in a foreign country many years ago. First time was two guys on a motor bike who pushed me to the floor then made off with my bag. Second time I don't know how many but first thing that happened was someone covered my eyes with his hand (out of no where) and then time me what to do. Lucly they only wanted valuable goods.

Firstly leaving aside the issue of whether strength training can put you on a par with men (it is unlikely, but you could be in the minority of women where it's beneficial) I think even something that's technique based such as krav M wouldn't have been of any use, just because it all happened suddenly.

The best thing is prevention, rather than cure. Avoiding situations, avoiding walking alone at night, getting taxis rather than tube, not getting drunk if you don't really know the people you with and not having valuables on display are more likely to help you in the long run.

Doing self defense won't hurt, I understand they offer useful de escalation tips or, reading the article another poster mentioned things like saying "I don't know you" so that passers by know it's not a lovers fight.

If you do the classes, you should still take precautions as above. I know it's annoying but I live like this and it only really limits what I do a few times per year.

@stevalnamechanger

You should sign up for Krav Maga !

Oh I intend to. Krav Maga is the number 1 martial art I wish to learn, jiu jitsu comes 2nd