Regret asking godparents

[soilisplantlife]

Hi,

I asked one of my friends and her husband to be godparents. I've known this friend for a long time but we have fallen out of touch and reconnected a few times.

My partner has close friends who are a couple who I wanted to ask as well but he seemed to prefer the idea of my friend and her hubby being godparents to our first.

Since asking them, I regret it. They've had a lot going on in their life which I appreciate, but they never ask how baby is, what she's doing etc. Even when she was ill they didn't seem to care (they knew she was ill and didn't even send a message).

I feel like it doesn't take long to drop me a message just saying how is baby/I hope things are going ok but they never do.

They seemed really excited when we asked them (a while ago because of lockdown) but haven't mentioned it at all since. It's now been several months. (We will get baby christened eventually but we want family there and due to the rules we haven't been able to yet).

I don't want to fall out with them but I don't think they should be baby's godparents anymore as they don't seem to care about how baby is getting on with things.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can approach this subject without a fall out? If it's possible thank you.

TLDR: asked friends to be godparents but they make no effort so don't want them to be anymore. I'm not sure how to tell them without a fall out.

Just get the baby christened without them knowing. If they ever ask just say you never got round to it.

So can I ask what expectations you have of these people?

There really is no other form of responsibility for these people to be given other than spiritual guidance for the child.

Agree with @Pickypolly. Having godparents doesn't mean they will look after the child in any other way than to teach them about christianity and how to be a good Christian. I assume the child is still very young so there isn't much to do for the godparents just yet.

Well, you can't really can you! They've been to the church, they've said their piece etc etc

Their world doesnt revolve round your child...Have you asked them how they are?

I am not religious so correct me if I'm wrong.
I thought a GodParents role was to lead the child on their path to Christianity, help them become a good Christian etc.... what could they possibly do for you baby right now?

Also, can you change Godparents? Surely you would have to go through the christening again to do this

@Pickypolly

So can I ask what expectations you have of these people?

There really is no other form of responsibility for these people to be given other than spiritual guidance for the child.

This. Are they aware of what you expect of them? Were they aware before they accepted?

If you tell them you don't want them to be GP anymore, or even worse, go ahead and christen your baby without inviting them, it will 100% cause a huge falling out. They aren't obliged to ask your baby is doing (although I appreciate it would be a nice thing to do) but just there for spiritual guidance. Up to you what you do but its really rude and comes across a bit precious to tell them they don't pay you and your child enough attention.

Oh come on. It's not unreasonable to hope godparents are interested in their Godchild. I'd be disappointed too.

I dont have a solution tho I'm afraid.

Your expectations for godparents are unrealistic

What were your expectations of them? Agree with others though, spiritual guidance is the job description.

It’s sad but in the end I don’t think the title will matter. I have three godparents, one I’m very close to and the other two I haven’t seen or heard from since I was a teenager. On the other hand my mothers best friend ad her husband have been like second parents to me, including really stepping up when my mother died. I get that the title and role of a godparent is important but your other friends will be there without it.

If christening hasn't happened then you can change your mind.

They are not god parents yet so under no obligation to do anything for the baby !
They have a lot going on
If you want to fall out with them then hassle them and demand weekly messages...how do you think that will go down?
Otherwise chill
You could always ask others as well

It is a bit weird not to ask your friend how their baby is. I would do that with any of my friends and I'm not a godparent.
It's just normal 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't even mention it to them. They have no interest in her, didn't care when she was ill... Why would they care about not being godparents?

Difficult. You'd expect Godparents to show they care and ask how the child is.

I'm not sure how you un-ask without a massive falling out.
Do they / you / the other couple regularly attend church? Could you hide behind the church will only allow members to be Godparents?

Btw Church of Scotland doesn't really recognise Godparents the whole congregation welcome the child into the church.

Your expectations for godparents are unrealistic

What a text to ask how ill goddaughter is is unrealistic?

I guess it depends on how ill the child is, if they were in hospital then I'd be really hurt if friends didn't ask how my child was.

I must say I disagree with most of the pp here. Unless a family and godparents are religious (you don’t say op so I’m not sure) there is no spiritual guidance and helping them find their way in Christianity involved in being a godparent. I don’t want to offend anyone here but so many babies are christened all the time with their parents having no religious beliefs at all so in those circumstances, I think all you can expect, is interest in the child and this should happen.

Have both couples!

It's a good question though, what you expect. Some people think there's an implied 'will look after the child if you die' element- that's not true, you need to sort that out separately. If you want someone to take a spiritual interest, then ask a church member or someone who's a regular at their own church.

Im a Godmother to a 3 year old. There 5 of us though... Im in contact with my friend fairly often.
I had a nephew born 4 months ago. I made a lot more contact about him.

My friend understands that and there is no issue.

I would maybe mention how the other couple are really upset that they weren’t asked and how they gave a brilliant bond with the baby, they message all the time etc, then say you feel really bad and have been thinking about them too but you are worried about extra set is ott. It might prompt them to say oh well we can step back for them, or highlight to them the fact they’ve been shitty friends by not being interested in your baby - which is a big deal if they are close friends!

Let them know the vicar has done will be doing a quick and no fuss covid christening for your family and they wont be needed anymore.

Maybe this us real thing these days?