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Original poster

Being hit as a child

90 replies

Pearsapiece · 05/11/2020 06:45

Im currently working through some things I've come to terms with about my own childhood. I want to get some perspectives about whether some of the things I experienced were 'the norm'.

I was born in 1995 and the youngest of 4. I can remember being hit as a child. Not smacked as a form of discipline (although I remember that as well) but hit a cross the face on a number of occasions.
One that stands out was my mother not liking pictures or posters on the outside of bedroom doors. I drew a picture of my stuffed animals and wrote "my room" at the top. I remember my mother ripping it off as soon as she saw it and slapping me a cross the face with it. I must have been about 8 so circa 2003.
I also remember my sister being hit a cross the face for getting out of bed to get some water when she was unwell. She ended up with a cut and swollen lip which my mum told people was from falling off her bike.
I know this carried on beyond childhood too as I remember seeing my dad hold my brother up against the wall my the collar and shouting in his face. My brother was about 17 so I would have been 7 witnessing it.

Was this type of thing the norm? Am I overreacting to think it was an awful way to treat your children? Or was the generally the way at the time?

OP posts:

polkadotpixie · 05/11/2020 06:52

Definitely not normal. I was born in 1984 and got my bum smacked when I was naughty but that's all, definitely not violence like you experienced

Heatherjayne1972 · 05/11/2020 06:54

No. By mid 2000’s smacking as punishment was very frowned upon
Physical violence has never been acceptable

I’m sorry you went through that but from what you’ve written that was abuse

Bagelsandbrie · 05/11/2020 06:55

Absolutely not normal.

faithfulbird20 · 05/11/2020 06:57

For some families that's normal behaviour and tbh a lot of people hide it. Yes it was wrong. Very wrong. Sometimes it's the fact that it's a constant cycle with children doing it to their own kids when they're older because that's what their parents did. Until someone breaks that chain. It was abuse and a lot of kids rebel because of it. Did any of you fight back and be like 'don't you dare hit me'?

BillywigSting · 05/11/2020 06:57

Absolutely not the norm.

I was born in 1990 and can remember being hit twice ever by my parents. Once for playing on railway tracks when I was about 8, and once as a teenager for being an absolute bitch (me and my dm laugh about that one now because I was an utter tit and I would probably have done the same).

I'm so sorry op but what you're describing sounds very much like child abuse I'm afraid. I think it might be worth looking into counselling to help you get your head around it

custardbear · 05/11/2020 06:58

Absolutely not normal, that's abuse. So sorry you experienced this - it's disgraceful behaviour, you love cherish snd care for children, you don't beat or slap them - I hope you're all away from these monsters now

SnuggyBuggy · 05/11/2020 07:03

Back of the legs was normal in the 90s. Being hit across the face to the point of it leaving a fat lip really wasn't.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 05/11/2020 07:06

Definitely not right.

I didnt realise back of legs was ever normal.

I was 80s and got hit a lot, legs, bum. Occasional "head together;" or ears :(
Very very definitely wrong and abusive. But possibly not uncommon then. As i significant minority. Even then splitting lip or face was out. Yours was definitely wrong and abusive even for then.

ColaCubs · 05/11/2020 07:10

This is so sad. No it wasn't normal at all.

Bagelsandbrie · 05/11/2020 07:11

Back of the legs was not normal either. By the 1990s most people were starting to realise smacking was unacceptable.

I was born in 1980 and my mum was a smacker. It was quite normal in the early 1980s but by the mid or end 80s it was definitely more of a no no. I felt i could never really talk about it as it was definitely unusual.

peakygal · 05/11/2020 07:14

If you mean was it "the norm" because it happened in a lot of homes then yes but is it normal? No definitely not. I was born in 85 and we were slapped by our mother but it was more than that by our father. Im the mother of 3 DC and they test my patience so much, especially middle DC but I wouldn't dream of putting a hand near any of them. It makes me wonder why my DPs couldn't do the same. Its very easy not to harm your child

TheJourneyWoman · 05/11/2020 07:15

It was normal for my mum and her circle. I had black eyes, swollen lips, dragged round by my hair, choked, kicked etc. I remember her and her friends would talk about violence towards their children very matter of factly, even laughing about it. Her Dad was very violent towards his children too so I think it was "normal" for her. She knows now how bad it was I think and tries to make up for it. We get on ok but then I try not to think about it too much.

TheJourneyWoman · 05/11/2020 07:17

Did any of you fight back and be like 'don't you dare hit me'?

I did after I turned 18 and she was still raising her hand to me. I knew at 18 I was an adult and didn't have to put up with it anymore. The last time she came at me I threw her across the kitchen and then did it again when she got up and tried again. That was the last time she ever did it.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 05/11/2020 07:18

TheJourney black eyes werent ever the norm or acceptable :(
Have you ever had counselling? Ive had trauma therapy the last year and am amazed at how much I'd normalised. It was definitely wrong.

ColaCubs · 05/11/2020 07:19

@TheJourneyWoman

Did any of you fight back and be like 'don't you dare hit me'?

Good for you!

SnuggyBuggy · 05/11/2020 07:27

I think most of the parents in my circle saw it as something you did for smaller children who were harder to reason with and you tried to phase it out and replace with verbal and consequence punishment.

jalopy · 05/11/2020 07:34

This is not normal.

I had my children in the 90s and would only tell them off. Nothing else.

How awful for you.

Original poster

Pearsapiece · 05/11/2020 07:54

None of us fought back. They're emotionally abusive now and it's not until I've started to address how they treat me now that I've realised they've always treated us this way. I had normalised it in my head. My father's occupation as a police officer put him at the top of the social circle and everyone trusted him...

OP posts:

Todaytomorrow09 · 05/11/2020 07:55

I was a child in the 80’s early 90’s - we had the belt, slipper slap around the face :/
It was child abuse and I think it was a cycle of their parents and often it would be linked to something else going on in my parents life that was causing stress - not necessarily bad behaviour by us. Many times after a slap I’d stand there thinking what did i do wrong? I moved out as soon as I could as did my sister.
Oddly my younger sister by 10 years was never hit to the same extreme as we were (odd back of legs slap) I think it was by then not as socially acceptable (thankfully)
I have never hit my children - I still relate it to not being in control of situation.

Milkshake7489 · 05/11/2020 07:57

I was born in the 90s and this wasn't normal at all. I think smacking as a punishment was frowned upon even then, but hitting a child in the circumstances you describe is unquestionably abusive.

I'm so sorry for what you went through

It may be worth exploring councilling to help you process your childhood.

StormBaby · 05/11/2020 07:59

I was hit in the same way as a child, but am a bit older than you. My mum would smack me across the head with what ever came to hand. A mug, a high heeled shoe.it didn’t stop until I was 17, when I was bigger than her so I chased her and walloped her back. I’ve broken the chain with my own kids, I’m a total pacifist and have never hit them. My stepchildren have been physically punished at times and it shows, they all punch first ask questions later, because it’s all they know. I imagine their own children will one day suffer the same fate. ☹️

TheJourneyWoman · 05/11/2020 08:10

Oddly my younger sister by 10 years was never hit to the same extreme as we were (odd back of legs slap) I think it was by then not as socially acceptable (thankfully)

I also think that perhaps some younger parents have poorer impulse control and are still very influenced by how their own parents parented them and/or are recovering from that themselves so are perhaps still reactive and heightened from abuse in their own lives.

SeanCailleach · 05/11/2020 08:12

When a child draws a picture, the right thing to do is admire it. If a sick child gets up for some water, the right thing is to give her a hug and help her get the water.
Hugs OP.

Requinblanc · 05/11/2020 08:25

Not normal. I also got hit across the face by my father and mother.

Once I was simply sitting down reading a book and my father out of nowhere said I was 'looking at him in a disrespectful manner' and went on a rant saying that I 'did not respect him because he did not have a job' (he was an older father and already retired when I was in my early teens) and then he just hit me hard across the face sending me flying from the chair...

I will never forget this. He never apologised and my mother did nothing. It was part of a pattern to criticising me endless for no reason and taking out their own issues on me.

I had no relationship with my father and mother for most of my adult life.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/11/2020 08:29

Oh yeah neither of those reasons would have been normal reasons for smacking, it was more for deliberate misbehaving or something dangerous like running into the road.

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