Being hit as a child

[Pearsapiece]

Im currently working through some things I've come to terms with about my own childhood. I want to get some perspectives about whether some of the things I experienced were 'the norm'.

I was born in 1995 and the youngest of 4. I can remember being hit as a child. Not smacked as a form of discipline (although I remember that as well) but hit a cross the face on a number of occasions.
One that stands out was my mother not liking pictures or posters on the outside of bedroom doors. I drew a picture of my stuffed animals and wrote "my room" at the top. I remember my mother ripping it off as soon as she saw it and slapping me a cross the face with it. I must have been about 8 so circa 2003.
I also remember my sister being hit a cross the face for getting out of bed to get some water when she was unwell. She ended up with a cut and swollen lip which my mum told people was from falling off her bike.
I know this carried on beyond childhood too as I remember seeing my dad hold my brother up against the wall my the collar and shouting in his face. My brother was about 17 so I would have been 7 witnessing it.

Was this type of thing the norm? Am I overreacting to think it was an awful way to treat your children? Or was the generally the way at the time?

Yes it was normal for me, brought up in the 90s. Got a slap off my mother when I was considered naughty. My brother however I felt really sorry for he received some big beatings from my dad who was my brother's step dad and was severely abused mentally also. He is still severely affected to this day.

What you've described is abuse.

You do not have to have these people in your life any more. You're in charge.

If they've moved on to emotional abuse as the way they can still 'get' to you, why not cut it off?

I was born in 79 and I was assaulted as a child too. But it wasn’t the norm. It is appalling. I’m very sorry that happened to you Op. are you going through counselling?

PearsApiece Im sorry this has happened to you ,it sounds horrific to me .Maybe got smacked a few times ,but this sounds like Abuse to me. Interestingly my friend was a boy (we were about 10 or 11 ) and his Dad was a Policeman too, and regularly took the belt to him and his Brother. But not I was reassured, to either of his Sisters! Remember feeling shocked at the time but didnt really know what to do or who to tell.

I was hit with brushes, slippers and hands when I was younger and my sister got the belt which left her bruised. That was 70s and 80s. I had my first DC in 1995 and he was never beaten, slapped or hit. What happened to you isnt normal. I had a staff member who was arrested for taking a belt to his DS and that was around 2002. His DS had told a teacher so was taken very seriously. Glad your getting support.... and remember if you have DC to not leave them with your mum. She will re write history and pretend what she did wasnt bad .

It wasn't my normal as a.child, nor dh's. I was born in the mid 60's and he was early 60s Neither if us was smacked. My MIL was an older mother ( she would be 112 if she was still alive) and very progressive in her ways and believed hitting a child caused more harm than it solved. Our children have never been hit, they have been disciplined and consequently put in for any negative behaviour. They were decent kids and great adults.
However, sadly I work with a lot of children who do experience this. Our job is to make the kids safe, educate the parents and if there is no change or 'risk if significant harm' remove them from that situation.
I am sorry your childhood was not good.

I was an eighties child and would get very rare smacks on the top of my thigh from my dad. We spent a lot of time with our aunt in Ireland and we would get threatened with the wooden spoon for being 'bold' but I don't remember it ever actually happening.

What you describe sounds violent and abusive - sorry OP.

Having said that, I do remember being hit around the side of the head by a teacher when I was ten. It was very traumatic. WhenI told my dad, he told me I probably deserved it - I had actually done nothing wrong - the teacher had jumped to a conclusion about me.

My eldest DC was born in January 1996. This was absolutely not normal, not even smacking for discipline as you call it. This was assault. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

That is abuse. I'm a 60s child and I was never hit or smacked whilst others may have been. It certainly was not okay years later

Big hugs to all of you who have suffered violence at the hands of your parent/ carer X

I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner. to be honest, when I started reading the responses, I was so shocked at how much I had normalised this in my head and accepted that it must have happened to everyone. When I read that it hadn't, I was shocked and it sparked a big conversation with dh as to what happened and how it's effected me.
My children will never be left with my parents. After I explained some of the situations I went through as a child, dh was shocked and horrified and we agreed neither of our dc will ever be left with them.
I'm currently trying to reduce my contact with them. To be completely honest, I would like to go very low or no contact but also want to avoid a big family argument over why so it's baby steps.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I'm so sorry you have been through similar. While times do change, that is absolutely no excuse for the level of abuse that some of us have experienced.
I'm going to look into counseling, unfortunately funds for this type of thing are low but I think I need at least some sessions to understand that I have my own feelings about what I've experienced and my feelings are valid, no matter what my parents try to tell me now.
Thank you all

Have you looked at the Stately Homes thread? It might be a good place to work out what you want to do with family relations in the long term

My heart went out to your sister and yourself when I read the incidents you've told us about. They're very upsetting and not at all normal. Take care of yourself OP and he lovely family you have made with DH. The conselling sounds like a great idea. I'm sure you deserve it.

OP, NHS counselling is sometimes hard to access, but in many jobs (corporate, public body etc) your employer (or your DH's employer) might have signed up to an 'Employee Assistance Programme' of some kind, which may include free counselling (entirely confidential, counsellors are entirely external). Often you would be covered under your DH's programme, as his wife/partner.