If you've been single for a significant amount of time.....

[Inamechangeforeverypost]

How do you spend your evenings??

Whilst lying on the couch this evening, alone, for yet another evening of watching TV/reading till I fall asleep, I'm overcome by visions of me doing this till I die.

Even before covid, this is how I spent most of my time. I have interests, I meet up with friends, I travel, I work full-time. Still, a significant amount of time is spent in my flat. Alone.

Let's just say a relationship is out of the question. Do I just make peace with the fact that this is how my future is destined to pan out?

If you're long-term single, how do you spend those evenings? Are you resigned to the possibility of this being your life for the foreseeable future?

It's all very...underwhelming.

Find an interest/ get hobbies. I am learning French, I read, do crochet, sometimes talk to the hamsters. I am very happy to be by myself until I die and do not feel like I am missing out on anything. If I feel like going out, I can, parenting allowing.

I've spent a lot of time in long distance relationships and dh is currently overseas working. I work full time, get home and cook, clear up, sort the washing and potter about a bit. I then do a yoga or cross trainer work out, watch a box set episode, make a call or two, get ready for bed, watch news in bed, read, sleep and day done.

I also meet up with friends at least one or two evenings a week and have numerous WhatsApp conversations on the go.

I never feel lonely during the week. I have a very people based job so peace and quiet is a treat. I do like company at weekends though and find having a social thing to do each day is fine.

I think I'd feel very claustrophobic in a relationship where I was joined at the hip to someone.

Read, cook, watch box sets and mumsnet. I can’t imagine it would be much different if I had a partner, apart from the odd bedtime shag

I guess the trick is to stop thinking of evening as a time to rest and relax, but as normal busy time. So if you want to wash the kitchen floor at 9pm go ahead. Or any other jobs! Or do some work. Or paint a picture or a room. I think I need to take my own advice

Also, don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you need someone. What do they know? Are they you?

Thanks for the replies!

@BooFuckingHoo2 hahaha! I think you're probably right! Do you ever feel lonely? Or that you'd like to do all those things, but with someone else beside you at least?

@carlywurly do you think you would feel the same if you were not in a relationship/there was none on the horizon?

I was in a horrifically controlling marriage for over 20 years. I love being alone, running my own life, going out or staying in when I choose. Having friends over. I crochet, read, FaceTime adult dc, chat to the dog. I really wouldn’t want someone in my space on any sort of permanent basis now.

I’ve been alone for 4 years now. I was in a very abusive relationship for 10 years before that. I do have three dc at home so I’m not completely alone but in the evenings I just watch tv, do online courses and read.

I do feel lonely sometimes but I think that’s more because I don’t get time to socialise outside the house as my ex isn’t allowed to see the kids so apart from work it’s just me and them most of the time. Whenever I feel lonely I think of how unhappy I was before and that makes me feel better. I have cats to keep me company too. I can honestly see myself being on my own for good.

@HMSSophie

I guess the trick is to stop thinking of evening as a time to rest and relax, but as normal busy time. So if you want to wash the kitchen floor at 9pm go ahead. Or any other jobs! Or do some work. Or paint a picture or a room. I think I need to take my own advice

Have to admit, I have never felt the desire to wash the kitchen floor at 9pm. Before Covid I was out most evenings seeing people and doing hobbies/volunteering... things are much duller now though.

If you crochet, what do you crochet?

I do housework. I seem to find the energy and inclination early in the evening that I don't have during the day.
It takes the dullness and emptiness off the evening, listening to the radio as I work.
I also sometimes do a food shop, walk the dog or have several WhatsApp conversations.
It makes bedtime come around quicker.

I’ve got two granny square blankets on the go.

I misread the title, but being married for many years and having DCs, my evenings sound remarkably similar!

DH and I watch stuff in different rooms. We got the second TV for lockdown and before that it often ended up with him watching bang crash wallop movies while I ignored them and MNed.

In my last relationship, evenings were spent in front of the TV but mostly with him watching what he liked! Or moaning at what I wanted to watch. He never wanted to chat or do anything different. At least now I get to choose what’s on TV with no moaning and I never have to sit through top gear again! That’s a win in my book! I do sometimes read instead, I have a PlayStation and play on that sometimes.

I'm not single now but I was for years and years. Not possible right now during Covid but the way I did it was to go out often in the evening - an evening class once a week, an exercise class once or twice a week, meet up with friends once a week, go to a film, comedy, gig, theatre or talk once a week - often on my own, but I never minded that if I was going to something that interested me.

And the other good one is to invite people over. Not just socially. If there is a local community project you are involved with, offer to host a meeting. It stops your home from feeling like it's a solitary place. It fills it with energy.

I know you can't do that right now, but if you like the idea, maybe you could spend some evenings sorting out your home, doing decluttering, deep cleaning and redecorating projects so that when we are finally allowed to socialise again, you can welcome people in.

Pre-COVID I did evening classes, went to the cinema with friends, went swimming or just watched things I like on TV. I also knit and sew with the radio on, which is a great way to pass the time. Just started weaving too. Currently unemployed but am having no trouble filling my days with trying to upskill myself via online courses related to my area of work, or reading scientific research.

I am very good at entertaining myself because I’ve had to do it for years. It’s slightly harder in COVID times and now the nights are drawing in, but I’ll be fine.

Single since 2014. I have a DS who takes up most of my time. I watch telly and clean in the evenings. Go out with friends when DS is at his dad's (or I did pre Covid).

Do you like animals? When I was single I felt alone but not lonely having them around.

A yoga or similar exercise class is a gentle way to wind down in the evening in the company of others.

Do you meet friends out or have them over to yours?

Dolphinpose, after my son's have returned to their own homes following an extended visit it always magnifies to me that my home really is a solitary place whilst living on my own. Once they are gone, the energy seems to go and whilst I get over that feeling usually by the next day your post resonated with me.
After work I get home, have something to eat, usually browse the net, possibly chat to a friend on the phone and hopefully find a box set decent enough to keep me going. Sometimes it feels repetative, other times I love it as I go up early, with a hot water bottle now its got colder and usually the cats.
I certainly do not have the motivation nor the energy to think about housework so prefer to rest.
I spend a significant amount of time on my own, I enjoy socialising with family and friends but am usually pleased to get back to my own four walls and close the door.
I have enough to keep me occupied at weekends if I see no one with craft projects, diy and reading etc, but I am also something of a procrastinator.
Having been single more or less for 10 years I think it would be really hard to let someone in my life at least full time, but I would like some companionship.... on my terms of course.

@Inamechangeforeverypost before I met dh I had the idea I'd do internet dating and go on a few dates. I met him on day one online so that didn't happen!

I think if I were long term single I'd probably like to move to somewhere where there was a great community feel. I think I'd try to replace a romantic relationship with some really strong friendships and probably be ok with that.

I absolutely love it! Sometimes I think I'd like a partner there but more for the help with child raising so I could have even more alone time and more nights off the cooking 🤣 As she is getting older and more independent I'm appreciating the time I have to myself even more. I meditate or join online communities, invest in a series, think up business ideas for when she is at school, paint, knit, read, dance, decorate, talk to mum friends, write, stare out the window at the night sky and feel relieved I got through that day etc. But I've always been an sociable introvert at heart.

Been single for 5 years and no intention of meeting anyone again. I have a dd which helps of course, but I’m not worried about being on my own. I love lazing around alone 😆. Do plan to get a dog , better than a partner IMO

'yet another evening of watching TV/reading till I fall asleep'.
^ most people I know do this regardless of their relationship status.

Read, watch TV, do puzzles, play on my iPad. If the kids aren't here I, in a normal covid world, meet a friend or have them round.

I love it, I spent so many years in a miserable marriage with no freedom, doing what I like is so liberating. I couldn't imagine liking somebody enough to stop this.