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If you've been single for a significant amount of time.....

40 replies

Inamechangeforeverypost · 02/11/2020 21:14

How do you spend your evenings??

Whilst lying on the couch this evening, alone, for yet another evening of watching TV/reading till I fall asleep, I'm overcome by visions of me doing this till I die.

Even before covid, this is how I spent most of my time. I have interests, I meet up with friends, I travel, I work full-time. Still, a significant amount of time is spent in my flat. Alone.

Let's just say a relationship is out of the question. Do I just make peace with the fact that this is how my future is destined to pan out?

If you're long-term single, how do you spend those evenings? Are you resigned to the possibility of this being your life for the foreseeable future?

It's all very...underwhelming.

OP posts:
tootyfruitypickle · 05/11/2020 15:00

Bad marriages seem a theme here.

Nothing compares to lying in bed in a perfectly quiet house not having to listen to the idiot guffawing at loud telly. Or even worse, keeping me awake all night with snoring (my fault apparently for being a light sleeper).

I will never give up this freedom Smile

Inamechangeforeverypost · 05/11/2020 16:46

There's definitely an over-riding theme here!

Seems like I just need to find the beauty in the solitude, and learn to appreciate it! I don't really have another choice anyway.

OP posts:
tootyfruitypickle · 05/11/2020 21:00

I’m probably too hermit like so do have it in my mind to take up some new activities once I can and maybe make some new friends. Could you do that? I’m not sure that men are ever the answer to loneliness .

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BeanieB2020 · 05/11/2020 21:06

Honestly I feel like most of my life is wasted because I'm not sharing it with anyone. A relationship is unlikely so Ive basically resigned myself to the fact that this is it, but it makes me sad and lonely sometimes. Really feel like I'm missing so much from not having someone around to just chit chat with thru the evenings. But I keep myself busy and try to be happy with what I do have.

hilariousnamehere · 05/11/2020 21:10

I am lucky that I love my own company, and mostly I run my businesses - and I'm lucky enough that they are photography, stationery, chocolate and a podcast. So I get to do the thing I love most in the world, photography(except now because covid, but can still edit and plan and self portrait), make people's lives happier with stationery, and eat chocolate, and then talk with one of my best friends on the podcast.

I am also chatting with friends, reading, cuddling the cats, making jewellery, cooking, blogging, sorting out my house, starting to play with altered books as an art form - I don't actually have any time left over and I'm happier than I've ever been.

Nearly seven years single and two and a half full time self employed - what I used to do as hobbies and around relationships I now get to do all the time and I love it.

I appreciate this may not be for everyone though.

Pinkyandthebrainz · 05/11/2020 21:15

@BeanieB2020 what does sharing your life mean to you? I'm not being goady, I'm genuinely curious. It's just I often hear that and I dont think I understand what people mean.

Inamechangeforeverypost · 05/11/2020 21:52

@Pinkyandthebrainz
I see it as shared experiences. Watching a show and there's someone next to you to chat with, about it.
Someone who asks..'how was your day?' when you get in.
Someone to plan things with...a day trip somewhere?
As I write all this, I realise it seems incredibly idealistic, but surely, you understand the appeal of not having to come home to an empty house day in, day out?

OP posts:
Inamechangeforeverypost · 05/11/2020 21:54

Also, I know, having a partner is no guarantee that any of the above will happen.
I do know that not having a partner does mean that it definitely won't happen.
I also know that you can do all these things with friends/family etc, but really you will always be 2nd in pecking order to THEIR partners.

OP posts:
Tangledtresses · 05/11/2020 21:58

Well I've been single for 4 years, I do have 2 kids..... so not alone but alone
I love it
Since I was 15 I have been in a relationship with many lovely or not so lovely men 🤔
I love being single
It rocks love my own space, not having to put up with stuff/bulshit etc

arewethere · 05/11/2020 22:01

I've been single for well over ten years but I had young kids when first single so I was always busy with them and working. Now we're all older and kids are self sufficient I'm largely on my own most of the time I'm home as kids are out or holed up in their rooms

I have to say I love my own company, I like making my own choices and not having to worry or take into consideration another person.

I spend my evenings watching catch up tv, reading or being online and doing craft stuff I've always wanted to do but never had the time. I wouldn't change my life now. I sometimes think I will regret not finding someone but I'm in my late 50's now and perfectly happy as I am and feel like I'd be pleasing others rather than myself if I found a partner

GuyFawkesHadTheRightIdea · 05/11/2020 22:04

Single for 6 years and I have DC so my evenings are pretty busy parenting them.

Graphista · 05/11/2020 23:54

I’ve been single to all intents and purposes for almost 18 years now.

I’m housebound due to ill health at the moment (not covid related and I say “at the moment” but it’s been nearly 4 years)

So currently I:

Watch and listen to what I want when I want - currently enjoying the west wing and eat well for less and my quiz shows I like, they give the brain a workout, but also sometimes ill sing along to the radio or even put on a favourite movie to singalong to

Eat and drink what I want when I want - love this. I eat when I’m hungry, I get to buy and eat exactly what I want more or less (have to resist the urge to live on twiglets, ice cream and rum & coke! 😂)

Chat on the phone or on messaging apps with friends and family. Mainly my dd who is away studying, I get more out of her in one conversation these days than I did for the whole of the years of her aged 15-17!! 😂😂 And if I don’t answer straight away she’s like “where are you?!!!!”)

Read - anything and everything! From the usual novels to biographies, news articles, even textbooks on subjects I’m interested in - loads available on kindle often very cheaply and sometimes free.

Play on my phone - anything from simple mindless stuff like solitaire to quite tough quizzes and puzzles. Also long storyline sim type games. Used to be one “brand” now onto another for a change.

Mn’ing - of course! Love mn.

Cooking and baking - less so in the winter as I feel less inclined then generally speaking but I still make a batch of soup each week for the week, need to try some new recipes really I tend to just do a carrot based “back of the fridge” job to use up ageing veggies. Always tastes good though and it’s not the same veggies every week so there is some variation. Usually end up batch cooking some kind of casserole too which is then frozen and used as leftovers when I cba cooking from scratch but want something filling and nutritious. Occasionally knock up a batch of fairy cakes or a sponge cake of some kind. The dishes after take longer than the baking and I tend to defer to the following day.

Crafts and creativity - this time of year is good for starting to make Christmas gifts if that’s your thing. I’m thinking of learning to knit properly, I know the basics. I also cross stitch, draw (badly! Purely for my own pleasure), and do calligraphy.

Chores - there’s always something needs doing, from the basics to reorganising to whole renovations.

When I’m not housebound and covid not an issue I also:

Sing in choirs - I’ve been singing since I was very young and been in choirs most of my life, church and school initially and then later other community based ones. I’m not a lead singer but I’m fine in a chorus. I can read music and follow direction.

Exercise - I used to be a runner but I can’t do that any more. I am physically disabled so I’m limited what I can do now. I mainly swim and walk (on good days) and I used to go to an over 60’s yoga class (I got permission as I wouldn’t cope with a more intense one and I checked with the participants, it’s a small group locally and they’re lovely)

Go to cinema/theatre/museums/lectures - quite happy to go on my own, this is more common than I think people realise. Let’s me enjoy whatever it is in peace, though I’ll invite someone else if i think it’s of interest to them. Very few people tend to be interested in 3 hour lectures on semiotics funnily enough 😂 I love them! Your local colleges and unis usually have free lectures on in the evenings you’ll probably find and the breadth of subjects can be great. I did take drag my mum along to one on the history of musicals. She left school at 14 and was thinking that

1 it would be dry and boring

2 she wouldn’t understand it especially any “in jokes”

Well she understood a lot more than me as she’s watched so many! And she was pleasantly surprised to find it quite entertaining as well as informative. Next time I asked her along to one I thought she’d like she jumped at the chance!

Occasionally I feel lonely, but that’s been true even when I was in relationships! The loneliest I felt ever was when I was married! He was army so obviously when he was deployed especially after dd was born and when she was still tiny I felt quite trapped and I didn’t know anyone well at that base. But even when he was home he’d be playing video games or watching a sports match and I’d feel disconnected and ignored at times.

You can feel lonely in a crowded room, and be alone at home and not feel lonely at all.

I’m 48, with multiple health issues inc mh I honestly don’t see me being in another relationship long term. I might date a bit if I get much more well than I am now but tbh I like my singledom and have for a long time. Even when dd was little and I was limited what I could do of an evening I did stuff during the day while she was in childcare if I wasn’t working or studying, I even had the odd lunch break date (gives you a great get out if it’s not going well!)

I don’t think I’m suited to living with others. Even pets would irritate me though I’ve had them in the past. Might get another dog in the future though it’d need to be an older/less lively one as I’m not up to a young energetic wee thing

As for the occasional shag with a live in partner well that’s what vibrators are for! Generally more reliable than a man in many ways too! Wink

Pinkyandthebrainz · 06/11/2020 06:04

Thanks @Inamechangeforeverypost , I've genuinely never felt those things and coming home to an empty house is something I personally love as I really value my own space, but it's interesting to know that's what people mean.

Mintjulia · 06/11/2020 06:17

In summer, I garden, go for a run, chat to my neighbours, help my ds with homework.

Now it's dark and cold, I swap gardening & running for cooking, decorating, planning Xmas, and relaxing on the sofa.

I sometimes get lonely but not looking for a partner, more trouble than it's worth. I can cope with lonely Smile

tootyfruitypickle · 06/11/2020 07:07

@graphista, I'm sorry about your poor health. However, the way you have set your life up sounds absolutely perfect to me and completely what I aspire to, and I hope when my dd goes to uni we will be having long chats on the phone too!

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