Is it rude to ask someone if they are single?

[savetti]

Like someone you just met?
I was on a plane with my son and the woman next to me asked. I’m actually widowed and I wouldn’t describe myself as single and really didn’t want to explain to this woman I’d said 5 words to.
It was strange

id say its just conversation

I am single (age 49 for context) but I never get asked if I am. Folk must assume I'm spoken for!

I find "are you married?" " and "Do you have any children?"quite common questions people ask others when they first meet.

I dont find them rude. I did used to find the children question a bit awkward when we had been ttc with no joy for over 10 years but they weren't to know that.

No, just making conversation I think.

I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable though OP.

I think it's a fairly normal question, could you have been more uncomfortable because your son was there and you didn't want to explain in front of him? Sorry you felt uncomfortable I'm sure she was jusy trying to be friendly.

Depends on the context

Guy in a club trying to chat you up- that's fine

An aunt trying to stick her oar in about your love life- not fine

In the scenario you're talking about she's just trying to make a light conversation

I’m with you, OP. I find this sort of thing jarring.

For some reason I would find it weirder to be asked ‘are you single?’ instead of ‘are you married?’ even though it’s essentially the same question!

I think that's a really odd question for a stranger on an airplane to ask

My son was oblivious, had headphones on. But I told him afterwards and he thought it was really nosey!
She actually asked if there was just the 2 of us. I said yes, and then she asked was I single?.
Single in my head means you are looking.

Yes, are you married would be better somehow !

It’s fine, she asked me 4 times where I was staying! She had 4 bottles of wine and lipstick on the inside of her visor. And was shouting to her husband the other side of the aisle. She had a few issues pronouncing Yves St Laurent!!

She actually asked if there was just the 2 of us. I said yes, and then she asked was I single?

I think people can ask us lots of questions that we don’t even notice but if it’s something we are sensitive about, we remember and it’s a bigger thing to us yet still unnoticeable to others. Her asking if it was just the two of you didn’t seem to bother you as it wasn’t even in your OP and you overlook it, whereas ask that question to a bereaved parent and that would be their focus and often what they felt shouldn’t be asked because going into details isn’t always what they want to do with a stranger.

A chap at a sports club I belong to asked me (entirely innocently) who I was married to, as in which club member’s wife was I. I replied that I wasn’t married and had joined the club of my own volition, which left him looking rather embarrassed, but it was a bizarre question to start with! The club had male and female and junior teams.

@SunbathingDragon - I think you’re right there. Any mention of babies or children has me getting my defences up!

I find it rude

I went to visit a neighbor who has a new carer. (Pre lockdown) The carer answered the door and said “oh hi Acorn, it’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you. Are you married?”

I was a bit stunned but I wish I’d said “why, are you proposing?”

Why do you find it rude? There isn't a wrong or right answer is there? A big portion of the public is single, and a big portion isn't.

@rorosemary

Why do you find it rude? There isn't a wrong or right answer is there? A big portion of the public is single, and a big portion isn't.

I just think it’s nosey to ask that of a stranger.

I wish people wouldn’t ask. It’s a great personal hurt to me that I’ve never married or had children and I don’t want to be reminded constantly by nosy strangers who don’t have to live with the consequences. What difference does it make to them anyway? There’s lots of other things to converse about...it’s quite a closed off question with a yes or no answer so doesn’t add much to a conversation with a stranger.

It’s a bit intrusive, there are loads of ways of making conversation without specifically asking that.
She also told me my book looked boring!

Single in my head means you are looking.

You are massively overthinking a standard everyday conversation piece.

@savetti

It’s a bit intrusive, there are loads of ways of making conversation without specifically asking that. She also told me my book looked boring!

She sounds unhinged.

@AcornAutumn

She sounds unhinged.

Good god a comment about a book doesn't make someone 'unhinged' - it's a bit of an odd or rude comment but it's no indicator of mental stability

[quote soundsfishie]@AcornAutumn

She sounds unhinged.

Good god a comment about a book doesn't make someone 'unhinged' - it's a bit of an odd or rude comment but it's no indicator of mental stability [/quote]
Sorry, I was thinking of the whole scenario.

My son and I were the last ones on the plane, just the last in the queue. The line was quite steady.
First thing she said to me was “did you get stuck in traffic?”