Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Dilemma work travel leaving 3 month old

38 replies

CrickeyCumbria · 24/10/2020 12:30

Hi Guys,

Losing quite a bit of sleep on this one and wanted to reach out.

Covid has meant that, like many others my finances have taken a hit.

I am freelance and one of my contacts has got in touch and asked me if I can do a job that includes 12 days abroad, I can’t take my daughter with me and she will be 3 months old.

I can leave her with my mother who I trust implicitly but I still feel like I may mentally scar my daughter in some way or that she will not cope without me well. That said mum is amazing with her and her father will do a few days with her here and there. I’m also scared she might reject me when I come home.

Under normal circumstances there is no way I would take the job, I wasn’t planning to work again until next year but I’m scared that if I turn this down it will mean that I get written out of any future opportunities and also it seems quite quiet out there so worried that if I don’t take it not a lot is coming my way and I obviously want to be able to provide well for my family.

My breast milk seems to be coming to an end, but that’s a whole different story so she is mainly bottle fed with a bit of breast here and there.

Any advice would be appreciated

Please don’t troll me for this, trust me I’m in turmoil...

Xx

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/10/2020 12:38

Honestly she will be fine!!

At this age they don't have separation anxiety and she knows her Mum and she will be well cared for.

Back in the day (only 17 years ago) maternity leave was much shorter, my eldest was in childcare from 7 weeks old!

Thanks
RandomMess · 24/10/2020 12:38

She knows your Mum!! I mean!

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 24/10/2020 12:42

Yeah just go - she won't remember.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families
Itllbeaninterestingchristmas · 24/10/2020 12:45

I’d go. I’m self employed and went back to work very soon after my first, although I didn’t have to leave him for long periods because otherwise I wouldn’t have had a business to go back to. The only reason I didn’t rush back this time was because the whole sector is out due to Covid.

ForestbytheSea · 24/10/2020 12:46

Does your mum help out with her at the moment? And her father also cares for her? I would have found this difficult because my babies were fully breastfed and although would take an occasional bottle early on, then refused to have bottles completely around four months old. But if your baby is used to taking bottles and is used to being cared for by your mum and babies dad then hopefully she will be fine. I’d be worried about getting stuck somewhere tho if the covid rules change while you are away. How likely is that?

Aknifewith16blades · 24/10/2020 12:49

Tricky with Covid, but could you take both your mother and the baby with you?

FelicityPike · 24/10/2020 12:52

She won’t even realise you’ve gone. She’s only small and you’ll have all the time in the world with her when you get back.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2020 12:53

Are you and her dad together?

glazeover · 24/10/2020 12:56

Does it have to be 12 consecutive days?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/10/2020 12:57

I don't think is have coped if I'm honest and I wouldn't have been fit to work. But I get you feeling the pressure to provide and it must be really hard being a single parent and send employed at the moment.

If you go, I'd leave your Mom with some of your clothes, jumpers etc that baby can SNUGGLING to smell you, and i'd call home and speak to her so she hears your voice.

However is also consider if there's any Corona implications of travelling abroad ATM.

I hope baby's Dad is supporting you sufficiently financially

AgentProvocateur · 24/10/2020 12:59

Depends where it is. Will you have to quarantine when you get back?

JCDNWB · 24/10/2020 13:04

Hey Everyone,

Thanks so much for the responses. Helps so much talking about it with other mums.

Couple of answers, I am with her father but we are both in precarious financial situations because of covid, so equal pressure at the moment.

The job is in Dubai, they are apparently managing covid well so not as risky as other countries hopefully.

Thought about bringing mum or husband and baby with me, but the job will be full on and I wonder if it's more stressful for baby with the time difference, long flight and different water in formula etc. also extra cost

xx

Stompythedinosaur · 24/10/2020 13:10

I would bring the baby plus a family member. 12 days is a long time for a baby of that age, around 15% of their life. It would be like leaving a ten year year old for a year and a half.

GracieLouFreebushh · 24/10/2020 13:14

I'm not sure she'd know you're gone at that age. It's a hard decision and in a lot of other countries (e.g. USA) they have very short maternity leave so are used to going to work after a few weeks. You can do lots of FaceTime.

Equally you wouldn't have to pay for a babe in arms on the flight, only DH or Mum. Hard decision but whichever you decide, don't feel guilty about it.

MummytoCSJH · 24/10/2020 13:18

Why on earth can't daughter stay with her dad? Confused

Floralnomad · 24/10/2020 13:20

I’d just leave her at home , she will be fine the analogy by the pp about it being 15% of her life and like leaving a 10yrs old for a year and half is ridiculous . Assuming she knows her other caregivers well , which you say she does she will be fine .

Sandybdnas · 24/10/2020 13:20

It won't mentally scar her. Whether it's something you want to/feel you can cope with is a different matter though.

ScrapThatThen · 24/10/2020 13:28

I dunno but when we ask about child development we ask about any significant separations between infant and mother in first few years, I guess not because they automatically scar them for life but because for some children predisposed in some way it can be a factor affecting their development and outcomes. Remember her attuned bond with you regulates her self soothing system. I think she is too little to be away from you if you can avoid it. However, she does have a secure attachment figure in your mum and her dad who can compensate so it's unlikely to be make or break.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/10/2020 16:06

Can't she just stay with dad?

Onceuponatimethen · 24/10/2020 16:08

I personally wouldn’t and didn’t, faced with being asked to do 4 days apart from my 4 month old. I was worried about trauma and felt that as I couldn’t be sure he would be fine I didn’t want to take that risk.

It’s such a personal choice, but I would only do it if I could take my dc.

HermioneWeasley · 24/10/2020 16:10

She will be fine. I speak from experience- it will be tough for you, but if it’s the right things for your finances and career then it’s doable and won’t cause her any harm.

N0tfinished · 24/10/2020 17:15

I think you should go. It's not like you're going on holidays- you have an equal responsibility to keep a roof over your family's head. It's not ideal but these are extraordinary times.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/10/2020 17:56

@JCDNWB

Hey Everyone,

Thanks so much for the responses. Helps so much talking about it with other mums.

Couple of answers, I am with her father but we are both in precarious financial situations because of covid, so equal pressure at the moment.

The job is in Dubai, they are apparently managing covid well so not as risky as other countries hopefully.

Thought about bringing mum or husband and baby with me, but the job will be full on and I wonder if it's more stressful for baby with the time difference, long flight and different water in formula etc. also extra cost

xx

So he's just having a fortnight home alone with occasional pops in to your mom?? It's he ordinarily a bit disinterested in her?
Gizlotsmum · 24/10/2020 18:00

Will you be able to just do the 12 days in Dubai or will you have to quarantine there? Will they pay for any tests etc that are needed? I would do it as at 3 months she will be fine, especially staying with people she knows.

NameChange30 · 24/10/2020 18:02

No judgement here but personally I couldn't leave my 3 month old for that long to go to another country so far away. Baby will probably be fine but I wouldn't be. And I'd be concerned about getting stuck there if the Covid situation changed while I was there and I wasn't allowed to travel home.

Also if you've decided to stop breastfeeding anyway, that's fine, but if you were hoping to continue it would probably put a stop to that.