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How's your mental health and how was your childhood?

49 replies

RunBackwards · 23/10/2020 18:21

I've just been through some really tough times personally. We were told DH could die, but he's had treatment and is progressing well, although still very ill. At the same time I have a leadership position in a school which has been harder than it's ever been over the last few months. I've had no time off and have basically just got on with it. At our SLT today my boss thanked me for staying focused and said she didn't know how I did it. TBH, I've been worried, of course, but I never felt overwhelmed for more than an hour or so.

Now, I say this not at all to blow my own trumpet but because I've realised how incredibly fortunate I am. My parents love each other (despite the bickering!) and were completely united when I was a child. They weren't textbook parents, were eccentric in many ways, we ate odd food and wore odd clothes. They would never have taken our side against the school re discipline but were always and still are completely rock solid in their love for and support of us and their belief that we could do anything. I completely believe this solid start is the reason I'm generally resilient and what's behind my modest career success.

If you had a different experience as a child, how is your mental health as an adult? Do you make a connection too?

OP posts:
KenDodd · 23/10/2020 18:24

My childhood was shit.
My mental health is good, better than most I would say.

QforCucumber · 23/10/2020 18:26

My childhood was awful. My MH isn't so bad however my younger brothers are very badly affected. Both have needed counselling and therapy and have each been in very bad places.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 23/10/2020 18:27

Childhood - not completely awful. Lots and lots of wonderful memories and parents who tried their best most of the time. But also some awful stuff. Sexual abuse leading to 2 abortions. When i finally told my mum she didn't believe me. Well she believed that the sex happened but as far as she was concerned I wanted it to happen and was the only person who had done anything wrong.

My mental health as an adult is shit. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression. Also suspected ppmd, which is improved by anti depressants, and my therapist thinks I probably have complex PTSD as well. Only leave the house if I really have to. Haven't been able to work for 18 months now. Often have intrusive thoughts including suicide.

beela · 23/10/2020 18:27

My brother and I grew up together and had very similar childhoods. My mental health is pretty robust, whereas he struggles.

Butterer · 23/10/2020 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helocariad · 23/10/2020 18:38

Childhood so-so. Parents did their best but were in a bad marriage and divorced when I was a teenager. I remember feeling anxious a lot and walking on egg shells. Mental health now is good, though I did go through a few bad patches. Had counselling which gave me the space to work through bad childhood memories and my fear of repeating the past with my own children. So yeah, a link definitely, but I'm in a good place now and have been for a while Smile

MustardMitt · 23/10/2020 18:42

Good and good. My parents did split when I was 18 (IMO after years of barely tolerating each other) but I was an older teenager so quite detached from that.

This year has been only the second time I’ve ever felt I had a mental health issue - and it is very much situational as it was the last time I had the same.

MrsBungle · 23/10/2020 18:46

My childhood (well most of it until I was around 10/11) was shit (living with domestic violence until my parents split). Some difficult situations in to adult hood too including my mum dying young. However, my mental health always has been and continues to be good. It took a dip when my mum was ill and I was nursing her but bar that I feel lucky mental heath wise, considering.

ANoTail · 23/10/2020 18:55

My childhood- according to myself, my family and pretty much anyone I know in real life is the fairly standard "imperfect but good enough. According to most on here, it would be child abuse/neglect.

Mental health is good. I think I'm naturally quite highly strung but I'm quite aware of it and can manage it.

KeeOe · 23/10/2020 18:56

MH precarious at best. Childhood absolutely awful. There is a definite correlation (for me) there. Years of therapy and ADs and no resolution. Tbh I think my mothers behaviour had a biological cause and that I've inherited the dodgy gene. Not that my behaviour is like hers, only that there's something biologically wrong and its manifested in both of us in different ways.

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo · 23/10/2020 18:59

Shit and shit.

FerrisB · 23/10/2020 19:00

Awful childhood, though i was loved. Terrible mental heath since and probably always will have!

user116439526896 · 23/10/2020 19:02

What is it they say? Pride comes before a fall?

What a smug post.

RunBackwards · 23/10/2020 19:05

@user116439526896

What is it they say? Pride comes before a fall?

What a smug post.

Thank you. I thought I'd made it clear I recognised my good fortune and that there but for the grace....that's certainly how I feel.
OP posts:
vjg13 · 23/10/2020 19:05

I think that a more difficult/shit childhood can also give you more resilience for adult life, my experience anyway.

PleasantVille · 23/10/2020 19:09

I guess it's one of many factors that determine your mental health but I agree that resilience and general get up and go do have correlation to upbringing.

SqidgeBum · 23/10/2020 19:09

My childhood was idyllic tbh. Parents are the most solid couple I know. They never argued, nothing bad ever happened to me (bar the usual deaths etc), and I had everything I needed even though we had very little money. We are a very close family even now.

However, I am irish, and mental health wasnt really talked about. My mom is pretty stoic with things like crying or finding life hard. She used to say 'crying wont fix it, so stop it'. As a result I suffered for a long time with stress, anxiety, panic, and with all of it I over compensated by working myself into the ground to make it look like I was completely ok. I could never show I was falling apart. It's still something I struggle with now that I am a 30 year old mum to two kids and a teacher. But i have learned, i have a mix now of getting on when things are hard, and sometimes accepting I need to pay attention to my emotions, and am determined that my girls will have more coping mechanisms than I had growing up.

PleasantVille · 23/10/2020 19:10

@user116439526896

What is it they say? Pride comes before a fall?

What a smug post.

How is it smug to recognise that your parents did a good job? The OP has nothing to do with that. It's not smug of me to say that I think my parents did a great job too.
ShowOfHands · 23/10/2020 19:11

My Dad was an alcoholic, had undiagnosed bipolar and descended into psychosis when I was a teen. My Mum was emotionally distant, controlling and critical. But there were good times and I was physically cared for and academically challenged. I am extremely fortunate to have extremely robust mental health but my brother, sadly, does not.

I am however, slightly hardened to life. I'm a bit of an island, distant and quite cold seeming. My personality is affected more than my MH. It's also decided the type of parent I am (v pro attachment, gentle etc).

RunBackwards · 23/10/2020 19:13

It's interesting because I work with troubled teens. IME, beyond normal high jinks and a bit of cheek, there's no such thing as a "naughty" child. They all have such sad stories. They're damaged and angry and they should be, at the hand they've been dealt.

Yet whilst many will go on to have very difficult adult lives, some do overcome. We do our work to the best of our ability but I don't think any of us really understands what makes the difference.

OP posts:
UncleFoster · 23/10/2020 19:16

My childhood was quite good. My parents did their best and loved us both very much but equally it was no where near perfect, I was quite lonely at times but never had anything particularly bad happen.

As an adult I have had some struggles but I think now im older I am much more resiliant.

I think because my childhood was quite easy I struggled more as a young adult. But I dont really find my mental health suffers when Ive got something genuinly challenging to get through, its more when life gets generally a bit boring and sloggy.

Wimbledon1983 · 23/10/2020 19:17

My childhood was great. My mental health is not. I think it plays a part but so do other things - circumstance, genetics (my parents were depressed at times but didn’t let it affect us in any way), even drugs (though I am too boring to have done any).

Wimbledon1983 · 23/10/2020 19:18

I also find having such a great childhood makes me disappointed in the life I have now and the life I can give my dc. Don’t know if you feel that anyone else?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 23/10/2020 19:19

Shit and shit.

Parents hated each other. Dad was military so spent my childhood being dragged around Europe. Lots of drinking, screaming fights and ignoring each other. Mum told me repeatedly she wished I was a cot death statistic. Got to watch dad almost bleed to death during a fight (with mum) aged 4 and then help clear the blood up. Never felt good enough.

Managed to get violently raped whilst a University student which was really the final straw.

On the surface I seem fine. Married, 2 kids, have held down various demanding jobs, I do voluntary work including chairing a committee, have friends but I wish I was dead most of the time. According to all the mental health professionals I've come into contact with I'm resilient...

vizlsapup · 23/10/2020 19:19

Glad your DP is on the road to recovery. It is well known that childhood abuse and trauma correlates with poorer outcomes in later life. Also that poorer outcomes are not a given and it can make you more resilient. Other resilience factors matter, you need 3-5 really.

I had a great childhood materially but there was drinking, domestic/emotional abuse. One parent was super supportive so that helped, school was relatively good, I had lovely friends, still have some of them, worked part time from a young age, became independent, learned to cook for myself, do try to exercise.

Lacking a partner and SO and I think my parents marriage is a factor in that. This affects me more now.

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