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Original poster

How's your mental health and how was your childhood?

49 replies

RunBackwards · 23/10/2020 18:21

I've just been through some really tough times personally. We were told DH could die, but he's had treatment and is progressing well, although still very ill. At the same time I have a leadership position in a school which has been harder than it's ever been over the last few months. I've had no time off and have basically just got on with it. At our SLT today my boss thanked me for staying focused and said she didn't know how I did it. TBH, I've been worried, of course, but I never felt overwhelmed for more than an hour or so.

Now, I say this not at all to blow my own trumpet but because I've realised how incredibly fortunate I am. My parents love each other (despite the bickering!) and were completely united when I was a child. They weren't textbook parents, were eccentric in many ways, we ate odd food and wore odd clothes. They would never have taken our side against the school re discipline but were always and still are completely rock solid in their love for and support of us and their belief that we could do anything. I completely believe this solid start is the reason I'm generally resilient and what's behind my modest career success.

If you had a different experience as a child, how is your mental health as an adult? Do you make a connection too?

OP posts:

SingleHandSue · 23/10/2020 19:22

I had an ok childhood I suppose but my dad was in and out of our lives, my mum struggled with her self esteem because of the way my dad used her and was quite anxious and often down.

We didn’t have much money and missed out on a lot of things. I remember being the only one in my little dance club not to take part in the town carnival because my mum couldn’t afford the T-shirt I needed. I was so upset but didn’t dare show it because I didn’t want to upset my mum.

I think the bottling up of my feelings to spare my mum has contributed to my poor mental health now. I don’t deal with emotions or feelings healthily.

I also flit between never feeling deserving of good or nice things and times when I almost greedily want everything nice.

Ragwort · 23/10/2020 19:27

My childhood was very good, the usual teenage angst and stroppy behaviour but my parents put up with a lot, They are still, despite being nearly 90 , incredibly supportive and loving - I am over 60 and have very robust mental health - have dealt with difficult situations over the years - but managed OK and I do think it is because I have such a loving, supportive family which has resulted in good self esteem and confidence. My siblings are very similar.

Rollercoasteride · 23/10/2020 19:28

My childhood had some really good times, but also had some really bad times.

I remember being 6 and being brought into an argument, my dad said my mum just told him that she didn't love us.

My mum trying to slash her wrists with a bread knife....my dad always said it was the menopause to blame.

I think they thought we were too young to remember.

Her mental health was really poor for about 10 years....thankfully when I had DS she was better and they had a lovely relationship.

As for my mental health, I was ok ish...but mum suddenly passed away from cancer and old feels have resurfaced.

My brother also has poor MH and did turn to drugs for a time.

Ragwort · 23/10/2020 19:29

Wimbledon that's a good point, I don't feel I am as good a mum to my own DS as my mum is to me - she genuinely loves being a parent, I have found it a bit of a struggle.

missyB1 · 23/10/2020 19:46

I also have a Dh with a serious health diagnosis, fingers crossed he will make a good recovery like your dh OP.

I put on a brave face whatever crisis or hard times hit me, but really inside im full of anxiety and panicking. I had a very insecure childhood in a family where I was not wanted. My mum was devastated to be pregnant with me and told me many times how she considered having me adopted. I have low self esteem and anxiety. I crave love and constantly worry Dh and the kids might stop loving me.

corythatwas · 23/10/2020 20:00

Had a very solid childhood, close family, felt loved and secure, happy marriage, no experience of an abusive relationship. Still have anxiety and have to manage my mood quite carefully. Denied it for a long time as symptoms are mainly physical, but now accepted that this is the case.

My dd again grew up in a loving family, dh and I are very close, get on extremely well with each other and with dc, dc also get on well with each other. Dd has high anxiety level and has attempted suicide in the past, is now more or less stable on medication.

Same story a generation back: my mother was a very cherished child in a happy and stable family, again high anxiety levels (though got better after menopause).

My granddad had similar symptoms, though at least he did have a difficult childhood to blame. Was a most loving and engaged dad and granddad though, so certainly not responsible for anything that came after.

It's in our genes, and co-morbid with EDS which we also have.

I suppose what you could say is that we survive and keep going with help of that love and family support.

corythatwas · 23/10/2020 20:01

I do feel disappointed at not having been able to give dd the childhood I had, but that's because she was physically disabled and in pain a lot of the time. There was enough of love.

StormBaby · 23/10/2020 20:04

I had an awful childhood and my adult life has been a lurch from one tragedy to another, yet I’m a positive, zen, stable person. I’m very resilient.

MattBerrysHair · 23/10/2020 20:13

Horrible childhood and chronic MH problems as an adult, same as all 3 of my siblings. I've been well for a year now (I'm 38) and long may that continue, but I'm very aware of my limitations and have had to accept that my life has to be very sedate and slow-paced in order to not relapse. I think environment and genetics are equally responsible for determining how robust one's adult MH is.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 23/10/2020 20:13

Emotionally and financially drunk father and my mum died when I was 12. I feel anxious a lot of the time and have had trouble committing to relationships. However, I deal very well with any difficulties that come along and I have a pragmatic approach to life in general.

I think that as I had to just get on with life when I was a child and had no one to turn to for support I’ve become to used to being my own support. I would say I am very resilient.

MrsJonesAndMe · 23/10/2020 20:16

I had a happy and stable childhood but my mental health is not great.

Sounds like you're in a difficult place at the moment @RunBackwards, wishing you well.

for all of those with a bad childhood and or struggling now.

Babyroobs · 23/10/2020 20:21

My mental health is fragile at the best of times, I don't handle stress well and am easily overwhelmed. My mum had a lifetime of mental health issues and I do wonder if it is hereditary to some extent. I had a good childhood on the face of things, no financial hardship, went on holidays etc/ days out. However looking back I do think my mum put a lot on me from an early age, she took the worlds worries upon herself and had me writing letters to free political prisoners and campaigning against animal abuse from an early age. Looking back I think I was exposed to way too much awful stuff from a young age and would never let my daughter be exposed to at a similar age. My mum was also very religious, over the top, talking about the second coming all the time and the end of the world as we know it. This bombarding of religious stuff went on well into my adulthood and caused me to alienate her to some extent. Having said all this, she was extremely loving and would do anything for anyone, taking in foster kids, giving temporary home to my friend who was homeless for a while. But I do think the way things were have affected my mental health to some extent, I suffer from anxiety and feel overwhelmed a lot. My dad was not very present in my childhood, worked six days a week. I'm a lot closer to him now in his later years.

JeVoudrais · 23/10/2020 20:23

Bad childhood and poor mental health currently. However, I've been described as very high functioning, and the mental health team I am under think I am incredibly resilient and just been unfortunate in having a lot of trauma in my life. Poor mental health doesn't automatically equate to not being resilient.

fucknuckle · 23/10/2020 20:26

i was born to and raised by alcoholics. mother is a narcissistic sociopath. stepfather loathed me. my childhood was hideous.

as an adult, i am a wreck. i’m a recovering alcoholic (nearly 7 years sober), i have untreatable depression, OCD, an anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, complex PTSD. i’ve spent time on a psychiatric ward on 2 occasions.

so yeah. as i near 50 i do often wonder what the point of all this is/has been. i also have arthritis and other auto-immune conditions. i live with chronic pain and i have 20 medications on my repeat prescription list.

not much of a life, really. more a litany of disasters.

Babyroobs · 23/10/2020 20:27

@Rollercoasteride

My childhood had some really good times, but also had some really bad times.

I remember being 6 and being brought into an argument, my dad said my mum just told him that she didn't love us.

My mum trying to slash her wrists with a bread knife....my dad always said it was the menopause to blame.

I think they thought we were too young to remember.

Her mental health was really poor for about 10 years....thankfully when I had DS she was better and they had a lovely relationship.

As for my mental health, I was ok ish...but mum suddenly passed away from cancer and old feels have resurfaced.

My brother also has poor MH and did turn to drugs for a time.

It's hard when you remember things. I can remember my mum being carried out of church screaming by four men holding her arms and legs during which I can only think now was some kind of psychotic episode. I remember having to go to the ministers house while she was taken to hospital until my dad could pick us up and visiting her in the mental hospital which at that time was an awful scary place. I can still remember what the ministers daughter cooked us for lunch and the presents the neighbours sent for my mum when she was in hospital. Another time I can remember an ambulance taking her away and all the local kids standing around watching and being teased at school. I think it must have had a real impact on me to remember such details as I would only ahve been about eight.

flowswest · 23/10/2020 20:30

My childhood wasn't the best nor the worse. Had a unstable mother and absent father!! Think this made me very resilient and I have a carry on attitude and I work as a mental health nurse.

Mintjulia · 23/10/2020 20:32

I had a pretty unpleasant childhood, not appalling but loveless and cold.

I'm now a single mum with a gorgeous son, and my mental health is fine. we have a warm bright home and financial security. I don't struggle with anxiety or isolation because I grew up with it. But I won't let anyone else in. We are so lucky, happy and settled, it's taken such a long time to achieve, so no-one gets the chance to rock our boat.

justanotherneighinparadise · 23/10/2020 20:33

My poor mental health has precisely zero to do with my upbringing and everything to do with my chronic health condition.

bloodywhitecat · 23/10/2020 20:39

Childhood crap, mental health much stronger than I knew.

Orangecake123 · 23/10/2020 20:47

My childhood was traumatic. We were beaten, there was emotional and sexual abuse too at 7 from a female relative.

I had my first panic attack at 9. OCD traits at 11 and I was suicidal at 14. I'm 29 now my mental health is still rocky. I spent the last three days including today in bed just crying on and off and trying to keep myself safe.

I've been in therapy for almost 4 years now and my therapist has said that I was very high functioning when I have to be which is my one saving grace I guess, and it's the same for my brother.

feelingdizzy · 23/10/2020 20:48

Very odd childhood, lots of change lots if moving it was very weird and emotionally unsafe.on top of that poor mental health is very prevalent in my family .

Not sure if it's chicken or egg but cycle of ill health has gone on for generations.

I have always 'functioned'. but for many years had cyclical depression and regularly had suicidal thoughts. I got some counselling and have been so much better since, 10 years of near normality.

Sadly I have 2 brothers with ongoing significant mental health issues and one of my main childhood issues stems from how they were supported .

Acknowledgment that this had happened would help but my parents have no idea of the impact they have had and see themselves as great parents !

MorvaanReed · 23/10/2020 20:51

Childhood mixed more to the bad(ish) end of the scale and mixed mental health more to the good(ish) end of the scale.

My childhood made me determined that my child would never be the dirty, smelly kid in the manky clothes being judged by everyone. This has been a source of anxiety in the past.

But, poverty holds no fears. I can do poor. I'm very good at standing up for myself. The two men who tried to attack me regretted it very quickly. I'm very self motivated.

So, in some areas my resilience can wobble, in others it's fine and I reckon that's true for lots of people.

I had a bad dose of post natal anxiety 17 years ago and after digging my heels in with the Doctor I got a course of CBT which did me a lot of good. I do have wobbles, but I can usually sort myself out.

letmetakeyoudancing · 23/10/2020 20:54

Mine was pretty bad. My mental health is good I think, whenever I'm going through something I remind myself that if I got through my childhood I can get through anything and it's sort of comforting to know that the worst days of my life are over.

I consider myself lucky though (considering my circumstances). I was such a troubled teen. I genuinely never thought I could be happy one day. I'm so lucky that I met some nice friends and my DP at a young age and that I have my children.

Just a while back my cousin told me it broke her heart thinking about what my life could have been, if it had not turned around the way it did.

laudemio · 23/10/2020 20:58

Cave OP. I went through similar, thought I was ok, coping well. But 3 months later my hair fell out! Often happens with stress.
And in terms of my mental health I was so busy keeping the show on the road whilst dh was seriously ill that it didn't hit me until about 18 months after his cancer went into remission. He was finally back at work, then I had a serious mh wobble.
So be kind to yourself and don't assume you're OK, because I would have sworn blind I was, and genuinely believed it, but actually wasn't. And I'm usually very self aware.

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