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Original poster

Health visitor advice - your thoughts please!

30 replies

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/10/2020 18:34

We have DS who is just 2 and DD who is nearly 2 weeks.

We arent nearly in any kind of routine yet with DD, she is on me a lot, sometimes we all do DS's bedtime together, sometimes I've managed to put her down in the Sleepyhead.

I'm aware of 4th trimester stuff but I also know that DS would only sleep on me or in the car for 9 months and it damn near broke me.

So far DD has sometimes gone down alone in her sleepyhead in the day but is clearly quite an awake baby - she did a 3 hr stretch of being awake yesterday. I cant see her nodding off on a playmat

So - to my question. I asked the HV if I could put her upstairs for daytime naps(if she lets me - would.probably be in the sleepyhead). This would give me some lovely time with DS and give DD a chance for some quiet. Door would be left open and I would be in and out of the room, would also have a monitor on.

But she said no, all naps need to be with me. For reference we are very low SIDs risk in every other way - baby is EBF, smoke free house etc etc

So.- my.question - HOW do I do it following her advice?!?!?

OP posts:
SippeeTippee · 22/10/2020 19:15

I only have one baby so I'm probably not fit enough to answer but your baby is only 2 weeks old. Could you wait until she is a bit older? Personally (from my one child perspective) I couldn't leave my baby upstairs alone and the HV visitor cannot go against SIDS advice. She simply isn't going to say "yes that's ok".

Dowermouse · 22/10/2020 19:19

I wouldn't personally, and not in a sleep positioner. But I totally get how hard it is, that season of my life is a blur, but I imagine my toddler had an obscene am2of screen time and far to many unsuitable snacks! BrewCake

scrivette · 22/10/2020 19:22

I wouldn't personally.

DD slept better when there was noise around and with a 2 year old there was plenty of that! I did play music when she was asleep so that there were less sudden noises/plenty of background noise. It meant that DS and I could still be in the same room/in and out of the room.

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PaulinePetrovaPosey · 22/10/2020 19:26

Could you put her down, but in the same room as you? That tiny they sleep. Through anything.

I don't think it's necessary (or often possible!) to stick to the 'must be in the same room as you for 6 months' thing, but 2 weeks is teeny.

PrayingandHoping · 22/10/2020 19:30

Sleepyheads should only be used under constant supervision.

I also only left my baby at that age for a shower or to make a drink...

Honestly.... my opinion is to follow the safe sleep advise.

Somethingvague · 22/10/2020 19:30

I have a 6 week old and a 2 year old. I figure the baby needs to get used to the noise of her brother. When I can get baby down, she sleeps in her moses basket and I put the basket up on the dining table out of toddler's way. Other times I have her in her rocking chair near us. Sometimes I just have to have her on me and try to somehow meet both needs... I wouldn't be comfortable having her in a separate room yet, especially in a sleepyhead.

PersicariaBistortaSuperba · 22/10/2020 19:33

I've not used a sleepyhead but have put my second child down for a nap upstairs so that he gets a chance for a long period of time asleep in a quiet room, without being prodded, poked and woken at every opportunity. As you say, I can't see how I would manage naptimes if he has to be with me (and by extension his brother) at all times. I imagine if I had a more biddable older child napping in the same room might be more possible.

MJMG2015 · 22/10/2020 19:37

On you, beside you, in a bassinet, in a oram & take DS to the park

But your HV is correct (not a sentence I've uttered very often) but you can't put her in another room. Better she doesn't sleep as well as she could, than risk sids

Thirtyrock39 · 22/10/2020 19:38

With this age gap I used to put the baby in their Moses basket downstairs though I was lucky that dd2 was a good sleeper and would stay asleep in the basket . I think the toddler routine created a natural white noise that soothed my baby and helped her sleep and also helped her to nap wherever we were- toddler groups, playgrounds etc this meant I still got time with my toddler dd

Airyfairymarybeary · 22/10/2020 19:57

It’s not worth the SID’s risk imo. The baby stage doesn’t last long.

Missmonkeypenny · 22/10/2020 20:03

Your HV is correct, SIDS guidance is all sleeps in same room for 6m. Sling/pram/sofa/floor/basket/sleepyhead/your chest etc as long as theyre in the same room as you! She doesn't need quiet at all at that age and it'll lead to better sleep in the future if she can sleep with background noise.

Id put her in a sling/the sleepyhead on the sofa and do a nice jigsaw with DS or something

WWYD2020 · 22/10/2020 20:04

It think it’s about your judgment. There is an enormous amount of info on ‘risk’ but nobody seems to give the figures, an ‘increase’ in risk when leaving them in another room may not take the risk from 0.1% to 10% it could be minute but some babies somewhere have died when left alone so they have to tell you. (Totally made those figures up to aid my explanation).

Our DS kept getting woken up by our dog barking so better for everyone separated. As he’s older now, 4.5 months, I leave him sleep with just the monitor. We also co sleep at night otherwise the thrashes around for hours on end trying to sleep.

BiznessKat · 22/10/2020 20:24

I used to put my youngest in the sleepy head in the room with me and toddler (2 years older) and that always worked well. Sometimes toddler would curl up on the sofa and they’d both sleep. Living the dream!

underneaththeash · 22/10/2020 21:06

I liked to have mine downstairs until they were a bit older. Just bring your Moses basket downstairs.

Hannah12345625 · 22/10/2020 21:09

Your baby is only 2 weeks old. They are so fragile and little... I don't get why you would go against advice 🤷‍♀️

happymummy12345 · 23/10/2020 15:00

I never saw the need to have the baby in the same room tbh. My son only ever slept upstairs in the crib then the cot. We had a video monitor and checked on him regularly.
I hate Moses baskets so would never have one. I honestly didn't see why it was a problem at all.

Bert2e · 23/10/2020 15:22

Your HV is giving you the correct safe sleep guidelines where are the to make sure your baby is safe. Sleep positioner (like the Sleepyhead) are not safe either. www.lullabytrust.org.uk/are-sleep-positioners-safe-for-babies/ Do you not want to choose the safest options for your baby?

albustydumbledore · 23/10/2020 15:31

Safe sleep is so so important.

When I had a newborn and a 20 month old I used to let newborn have naps in her baby chair in the same room. Had gorgeous times with other child.

This time round I had newborn 5 &7 year olds and never broke advice. Baby napped in sane room in pram bassinet or sleepyhead. Safety is paramount

formerbabe · 23/10/2020 15:36

Sorry I'm with the hv here, two weeks is still absolutely tiny. I know it's hard with a toddler too though!

RAINSh0wers · 23/10/2020 15:38

At 2 weeks I’m not sure I would have done that, they’re so tiny still. I also preferred mine to get used to sleeping around noise, especially with my second DD who used to sleep on the go, in the kitchen while I was cooking or while DD1 was (loudly!) doing crafts!

I had a moses basket downstairs and would just move it around as needed. My youngest wasn’t one for falling asleep on a playmat either!

FusionChefGeoff · 23/10/2020 15:49

Sling

Sling

Sling

Grin

A stretchy close caboo or similar is perfect at this age and you can have the sling on all the time without really noticing and put baby in and out depending on when they need it.

Ratatcat · 23/10/2020 15:54

At 2 weeks I wouldn’t but I did with my second by 3-4 months when she started needing dark and quiet. It is really hard when you’ve got two to manage and I do think there is a bit of a disconnect between the safe sleep guidance and practicality unfortunately. You have to weigh up your different risks and what is best for your family but the health visitor is absolutely right to point out the guidance

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 23/10/2020 16:00

Sorry I should have ben clearer. I didnt mean starting from now, I couldnt leave her alone yet - I was just thinking of going forward.

Also I agree she was right to say it (unlike the HV with my 1st who had a go at me for not putting baby alone at a week old to 'get him used to it' and then another telling me to do CIO... at 6 weeks old...)

I'm just stressing because I cant get her down without waking her up and i feel like I'm failing as a mother to my toddler.

We have a Moby wrap which she is in a lot. We cosleep (safely) and I know last time my MH really struggled for never having any baby free time.

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 23/10/2020 16:04

Put her down drowsy but awake downstairs.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/10/2020 16:04

A HV is never going to go against SIDS guidance, so its sort of pointless asking.

Id put DD in a sling tbh and just let her be awake or asleep in there.