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Original poster

Does your husband/partner have a ‘talking to workmen’ voice?

84 replies

GiraffeNecked · 22/10/2020 08:25

We are getting a lot of work done. I’ve jus5 noticed the ‘talking to workmen’ voice. There’s a lot of use of the word mate...

My husband knows a lot about spreadsheets and is the least practical person on god’s earth. And rarely says mate. There’s a lot of nodding as things are explained...

I’m unsure whether to be amused or worried as I head out the door to work.

OP posts:
Antipodeancousin · 22/10/2020 12:48

Yep. Very cringeworthy. Worse still, he says ‘yes’ a lot and agrees to things that are untrue or not required because he’s actually a bit of a people pleaser.

RedRosie · 22/10/2020 12:54

My DH does this a bit ... But much worse he calls black cab drivers "chief". I think his own father may have done this, but it makes me cringe every time.

Never, in a long marriage, have I ever heard him call anyone else "chief".

What's all that about? No point asking him because he doesn't know.

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/10/2020 12:58

My DH calls all tradesmen "Pal" rather than "Mate" and starts talking about Scottish football.

The thing is that he moved to England before he turned 12 and is fixated on motorsport, not football...

DJattheendoftheworld · 22/10/2020 12:59

DH does this, I find it so funny. He's quite well spoken but if he's talking to a plumber/builder etc he sounds like he should be on East Enders. Lots of 'mate' which he doesn't usually say.

MilkandWater · 22/10/2020 13:05

@Dinosforall

As pp said, it's code-switching. A lot of people on this thread seem to think they're immune to it, I know I'm not
No, I'm not either (but having lived longterm in different countries, it tends to be more that my accent tends more to being slightly English if I'm speaking to an English person (for example), or my accent in French varies regionally depending on circumstances -- and I certainly hear myself doing it, though it's seldom a conscious decision, except if it's a comprehension issue).

But then I'm also perfectly aware I have an accent, because everyone has one -- an alarming number of people, however, appear to think they speak in some neutral, accentless mode.

Virtually everyone code-switches, either between languages or types of language kids who speak 'street' and then standard English to their parents, or English with their friends and Punjabi at home, or people who put on a 'phone voice' or my SIL has a special 'posh voice' she only uses for waiters, for some reason.

@Bluntness100, if it weren't for the fact that our old cleaner retired some time ago, I would think we'd had the same woman. Impressive, efficient and fundamentally disapproving.

Pelleas · 22/10/2020 13:07

No. He's genuinely working class with a regional accent so doesn't need to patronisingly adopt a fake one.

MilkandWater · 22/10/2020 13:16

@Pelleas

No. He's genuinely working class with a regional accent so doesn't need to patronisingly adopt a fake one.
See, I don't think it is patronising. I think it's a largely unconscious attempt to ingratiate themselves with someone doing a traditionally masculine job in their house. I think they're consciously or unconsciously responding to the imaginary challenge 'So, why aren't you capable of doing your own DIY, Mr Middle Class and Effete?'

I know DH and I both puzzle people sometimes because we have basically working-class accents but are in the kind of jobs are still underrepresented -- the speech, especially the vocabulary, seems to 'contradict' the job and associated educational achievement.

But both of us having bin men as fathers does mean we are both talking to refuse collectors/tradesmen etc in our 'own' voices.

tinselvestsparklepants · 22/10/2020 13:21

I do. I used to work with a lot of sparks. When I speak to them I go all mockney! Confused

JoJoSM2 · 22/10/2020 14:09

See, I don't think it is patronising.

I don’t think the speakers intend it as such. However, being on the receiving end could feel patronising or mocking.

I’m foreign as when people speak very loudly and very clearly to me, I find it annoying but think that’s their intention.

JoJoSM2 · 22/10/2020 14:10

not their intention, I mean.

LagneyandCasey · 22/10/2020 14:16

Mine breaks out the 'Cheers'.

'Cheers for that mate'

He cheers delivery drivers too.

I think he gets it from Eastenders. We live nowhere near London.

Dinosforall · 22/10/2020 15:26

DH does this with his own parents as he has 'poshed up' slightly from his origins. It's not deliberate, nor trying to hide who he is (they have never shown anything but pride at his educational achievements.)

Elizaaa · 22/10/2020 15:32

Anybody adopting 'mockney' is just cringe as fuck.

Please don't do it.

CountFosco · 22/10/2020 16:23

DH does it and it's so fake it's awful. He's privately educated and has no idea how to talk to someone out of his social class.

I am Scottish and my accent definitely gets stronger when talking to someone else Scottish. In England everyone gets my Glasgow Uni accent whatever their class but they all think it's a 'strong accent' so the associations are a bit different to using it north of the border! Actually the Glasgow Uni is a classic example of code-switching itself.

Pelleas · 22/10/2020 16:50

DH does it and it's so fake it's awful. He's privately educated and has no idea how to talk to someone out of his social class.

He just needs to talk in his usual voice. Working class people can understand a posh accent and even put one on, just as posh people can understand and feign a working class accent. Working class doesn't equate to being thick and wanting to be addressed as 'mate' by everyone you meet.

I think they're consciously or unconsciously responding to the imaginary challenge 'So, why aren't you capable of doing your own DIY, Mr Middle Class and Effete?'

I could understand that if the job was very straightforward, but I doubt most tradespeople expect unqualified householders to undertake building, plumbing or electrical work.

WhataCant · 22/10/2020 16:56

No, but as a tradesman whose clientele are mostly retired middle class folk he has bizarrely high pitched ‘polite’ voice he uses when talking to them. He hates it when I take the piss out of his posh telephone voice Grin

CountFosco · 22/10/2020 17:43

He just needs to talk in his usual voice. Working class people can understand a posh accent and even put one on, just as posh people can understand and feign a working class accent. Working class doesn't equate to being thick and wanting to be addressed as 'mate' by everyone you meet.

Well, duh. If only I'd tried to tell him that 25 years ago. Tried. Failed. Repeatedly.

MilkandWater · 22/10/2020 18:00

@Pelleas

DH does it and it's so fake it's awful. He's privately educated and has no idea how to talk to someone out of his social class.

He just needs to talk in his usual voice. Working class people can understand a posh accent and even put one on, just as posh people can understand and feign a working class accent. Working class doesn't equate to being thick and wanting to be addressed as 'mate' by everyone you meet.

I think they're consciously or unconsciously responding to the imaginary challenge 'So, why aren't you capable of doing your own DIY, Mr Middle Class and Effete?'

I could understand that if the job was very straightforward, but I doubt most tradespeople expect unqualified householders to undertake building, plumbing or electrical work.

I'm not suggesting that tradesmen are actually thinking 'Why don't rewire your own house, mate?', only that I think that male socialisation still involves the idea that 'men should know about this kind of thing', and that trades are considered more 'traditionally masculine' than desk jobs, which I think is behind the assumption by some men of a gruff matey manner around tradesmen.

I think it's actually the reverse of patronising, it's more 'Don't despise me and think I'm less of a man than you, because you're wearing a hard hat and are about to knock holes in the wall of my house.'

I think it's a version of the other weird contest of masculinity that happens when a man brings in a car to a garage and deals with mechanics, because men are 'supposed to know about cars'.

Original poster
GiraffeNecked · 22/10/2020 18:40

Yep. I don’t think it’s patronising. It’s blokes who are worried they aren’t manly because they can’t put in their own kitchen. So are trying to find a way to bond. Rather than treating it as a business transaction.

The tradesman has a skill dh doesn’t so we are paying for that skill. But it doesn’t seem to be as straightforward as that.

OP posts:
ChickenDoughnut · 22/10/2020 18:45

DH definitely does this - lots of unusual use of the word ‘mate’ - but I think I might be worse! Grin

I’m quite ‘London’ as it is, but I definitely reach peak cockney when I’m talking to workmen. My DC find it hilarious.

Minesril · 22/10/2020 19:18

DH talks in his normal voice, but he always brings up his dad and brother being trades people!

Dimpous · 22/10/2020 19:22

Yes, it involved the word mate a lot which he doesn't say ever, it's also used for the take away delivery man Grin

LilacCandle · 22/10/2020 19:24

My late dh used to say "mate." He wasn't even British Grin

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 22/10/2020 19:35

This is hilarious. DH doesn't do this - he is a well-spoken working-class Yorkshireman so already has an identifiable regional accent - but he does have a telephone voice. He naturally has a deep bass and quite a nice speaking voice but he definitely gets deeper and smoother. He sounds a bit like a cross between Barry White and Michael Gove.

Camomila · 22/10/2020 19:47

DH is from East London, he says "mate" and "boss" without it being ironic Grin
He has a posh phone voice for work instead.

DS1 code switches naturally and he's only 4 - he sounds posher around his school friends than he does around my mum's neighbours kids.