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Original poster

Does your husband/partner have a ‘talking to workmen’ voice?

84 replies

GiraffeNecked · 22/10/2020 08:25

We are getting a lot of work done. I’ve jus5 noticed the ‘talking to workmen’ voice. There’s a lot of use of the word mate...

My husband knows a lot about spreadsheets and is the least practical person on god’s earth. And rarely says mate. There’s a lot of nodding as things are explained...

I’m unsure whether to be amused or worried as I head out the door to work.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/10/2020 10:48

Not with workman I’m particular as he is a trades person .... however I did have the misfortune to over hear him talking to a polish chap once who didn’t speak English very well and DH decided to add “ski” to every word believing this was speaking polish 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️ ....

SuddenlyBurnSoPale · 22/10/2020 10:53

I would actually find this really cringy and off putting for me. I think I would be a bit embarrassed for them.

But then I'm seeing it from the other side as DH used to be an electrician, so is well used to this and it used to amuse him or when men would do an "alright mate" voice and then speak to someone else in the house in a "normal" voice. I suppose it's better than the patronising tone of voice he was also used to (having a natural "alright mate" voice himself ). It's hard not to think you're there doing a skilled trade which you're qualified for and they are paying lots of money to you so why the fuck are they patronising you They wouldn't take that tone with their lawyer or accountant for example.

SuddenlyBurnSoPale · 22/10/2020 10:54

@BigSandyBalls2015

Dear god.

Honeyandapple · 22/10/2020 10:56

Not my DH so much but my dad certainly does. He is a liberal academic, member of the fine wine society type.. but the builders who had been doing a big job invited him to the local pub once it was complete. I have never seen anything like it!
He went, drank and chatted with them a while. Hilarious and embarrassing. Asked for a glass of 'war-er' after having one too many pints.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 22/10/2020 11:01

we're the opposite
H and I are both from working class backgrounds in professional roles. I do make an effort to dampen down my estuary accent when in a very formal work setting, even though I hate myself a bit for it, as MN constantly reminds me that my accent will lead people to think I am "thick and vulgar". It's more pleasant to talk to trades and feel relaxed. Except with my electrician, who is definitely considerably posher than I am.

LilLilLu · 22/10/2020 11:03

Mine does this too. The other day he had simultaneous conversation with his parents, where he used his very well spoken voice and then a builder where he went all cockney and there were loads of ‘mates’ used.

I cringed at both conversations as in real life he speaks like a normal person.

cricketmum84 · 22/10/2020 11:03

Haha totally!! It really makes me laugh. I also have an accountant, soreadsheety type lovely DH but as soon as he meets a workman he becomes one of the lads. Lists of "mate" bandied about 😂

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2020 11:03

@MilkandWater

No, but in general it's called code-switching, and the psychology in this specific instance appears to involve the fact that men hiring workmen perceive said workmen to be more traditionally 'masculine' than they are (and they feel slightly emasculated by having another man come in to do traditionally 'masculine' jobs in their house), and that masculinity codes as working-class, hence they code-switch down a social register, and beef up the 'mate' stuff to try to eradicate the difference.

It would be interested to look at it alongside women's relationships with their cleaners.

That’s interesting, I’ve long held the view that my husband finds it emasculating that he needs to hire people to do certain jobs, hence why he leaves the hiring and dealing with to me. I’m fairly guaranteed that if a workman comes to quote, or is doing work he will fuck off out of it as quickly as possible. He always says just you deal with them,

I don’t change how I talk to work men or my cleaner, generally I’d admire them all. With workmen I will as said crack out the word mate very rarely but it’s sarcastic as in “I was looking at that and think it’s been built wrongly mate “ (genuinely happened two weeks ago) when what I meant was “I was looking at that and it’s obviously been built wrong, even I can see it, you wanker” 😂

My cleaner however scares me a bit, she’s highly efficienct and very stern, and I generally shit myself when I need to ask her if she’s done something, so if anything I’m politer. It’s more likely she will bollock me than the other way around, as in “blunt, have you been leaving those cobwebs for me!”,,,me, no, no I haven’t honest. I’m really sorry about them though,😂

Rayn · 22/10/2020 11:08

My husband is an engineer and it's so funny listening to him talking to his work colleagues. It's all banter. He makes me laugh trying to talk to a Dr/solicitor etc anything office based. His posh voice comes out. Goes both ways. X

Koalaismyspiritanimal · 22/10/2020 11:30

DH v definitely has a trades voice - lots of "mate" as pp, v "estuary".
He also has a talking to the headmaster at DD private school (bursary) voice. Not plum in mouth but definitely sounds all the h's and t's; fewer "mate"s
In reality we're somewhere in the middle class-wise but definitely poorer than both groups!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/10/2020 11:33

My husband is a retired builder. I like it when I have to employ tradesmen (strangely, I always have to pay/select/book them) because he will piss off out of my way and tell them stories about concrete he has known and loved, instead of interrupting my work so that I can bask in the glory of his building wisdom.

This post would have had a very different tone if I hadn't just discovered how little of the maintenance work he was supposed to do was actually anywhere near completed/safe.

MissisBee · 22/10/2020 11:55

Mine too. His accent gets broader and he says "aye, dead on" which he never says in real life.

thecakebadge · 22/10/2020 11:57

This is hilarious, yes my DH does this too. His Dad's a chippy so he does quite well on the chat, although he is a university academic himself and his DIY is limited to putting up a shelf

thecakebadge · 22/10/2020 11:59

(also hilarious at how different his 'tradesman' voice is to the voice he does when talking to our daughter's consultants and therapists about her medical needs. Sounds like a completely different person!)

NotMeNoNo · 22/10/2020 12:09

No. He runs a business employing/dealing with trades and talks to others like humans. I'm an engineer myself and expect a straight answer and to be listened to on technical matters.

I have this up there with cringey behaviour like talking about your cleaner as a "little woman who does".

NeonGenesis · 22/10/2020 12:13

No one has mentioned that episode of the IT crowd yet?

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?!

Doyoumind · 22/10/2020 12:14

I don't have a partner but have seen this behaviour from men in the past.

Being single, I deal with tradesmen myself. I think I use my meeting voice as I hate to be thought of as a woman who doesn't know what she's talking about.

wanderings · 22/10/2020 12:23

It's a different thing in our household: my DH tells me I have a special "netball coaching/umpiring" voice, and he really doesn't like it if I use it on him; or worse, the voice I use to talk to dogs and cats.

Findahouse21 · 22/10/2020 12:28

@bluntness100 I think we have the same cleaner

corythatwas · 22/10/2020 12:29

My husband has worked on building sites all his life and his natural accent is a London one, quite pronounced, so he doesn't need to change anything. I'd say he sits naturally somewhere between the workers and top management and doesn't stand out very much in either situation. Listening to him wfh at the moment, he is really very good at speaking to people from different walks of life; he never sounds either condescending or ill at ease.

My db switches between the local coastal accent and the middle class accent he was brought up with, but as he started his working life on a trawler and has been at sea for the last 30 years, I think he's allowed. In his way, he is just as bilingual as I am when I switch between my first language for my relatives and English for my colleagues.

Clareflairmare · 22/10/2020 12:30

Yes, exactly like this loads of “mate” and football talk. He rarely watches football and is more likely to read a book than go to the pub

thecatsthecats · 22/10/2020 12:30

My old boss had a "talking to blokes" voice for talking about football.

It was almost word for word like the It Crowd scene of "the trouble with Arsenal is they always try to walk it in".

Clareflairmare · 22/10/2020 12:32

And yes when we had a cleaner I was petrified of them too

Newbeginningsnow · 22/10/2020 12:34

My husband does this it’s so embarrassing!!

Dinosforall · 22/10/2020 12:44

As pp said, it's code-switching. A lot of people on this thread seem to think they're immune to it, I know I'm not

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