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Original poster

What can your 4yr old do ?

77 replies

Notyet20208 · 20/10/2020 19:02

My ds whos 4 ( 5 in February) seems behind in some ways so i thought id see what others do.
Only says 20 words and two word sentences such as want milk.
Stil draws lines etc
Hits out at me and siblings
Very very active never sits down.
Cant be trusted on scooter outside as he has no road safety. Will go on to road while im telling him not to etc.
He can count to 10 and say colours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notyet20208 · 21/10/2020 11:11

His support wont change if he got a formal assessment. Hes currently in a nursery that is part of the school he will go to. Thanks anyway it seems he is doing ok apart from his speech.

OP posts:
SomethingNastyintheBallPool · 21/10/2020 11:45

I don't mean to be harsh, but it doesn't sound as if he's doing OK at all. What's your concern about going ahead with the assessment?

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 21/10/2020 11:53

But OP his speech is very delayed, not just a bit. It sounds as though he needs more support, why do you think he wouldn't get more?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families
LittleMissLockdown · 21/10/2020 11:54

@Notyet20208

His support wont change if he got a formal assessment. Hes currently in a nursery that is part of the school he will go to. Thanks anyway it seems he is doing ok apart from his speech.
I appreciate the potential of getting a diagnosis is daunting but I find this attitude that it wont make any difference very niave. If he is autistic he will still be exactly the same person but he will grow up to have an understanding of how and why he does things differently. Dont you want him to understand that part of himself?
SnazzyHatchback · 21/10/2020 12:02

My DS is exactly the same age (turns 5 in February) and I would be out of my mind with worry and pushing for all the diagnoses and help I could get if he was as you have described. I'm quite shocked at your responses, you seem to be really minimising how delayed he is. Why? What is it about having him diagnosed is it that you are resisting? Perhaps if you can explain that posters could help put your mind at ease?

Thesearmsofmine · 21/10/2020 12:17

I would be very concerned about him tbh and I really think you need to be taking this more seriously for the sake of your child. Why would you not want to get the correct support in place for him, not just now but as he gets older?

My youngest is the same age and in comparison your ds is very behind not just with speech but with his violent behaviour, his not being able to follow very simple instructions, still being in nappies in the day. One of those things alone might not be an issue but all of those things combined are a huge red flag and it would be neglectful not to investigate this.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/10/2020 12:31

Thanks anyway it seems he is doing ok apart from his speech.

But you’ve said he’s violent, doesn’t make
Eye contact, has no concept of road safety etc.

JuliaJohnston · 21/10/2020 13:26

Your attitude is very concerning, op. There is no way your child could be presumed to be doing ok.
The professionals engaged with your son are clearly trying to tell you this, why are you so averse to letting them help?

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 14:24

In all honesty I had twins who had severe speech delay and this sounds like them at 2 not nearly 5.

I would recommend getting your HV to refer to SALT. Intervention started at 2 and ended at Y2 for us.

IHateCoronavirus · 21/10/2020 14:43

@MsEllany

In all honesty I had twins who had severe speech delay and this sounds like them at 2 not nearly 5.

I would recommend getting your HV to refer to SALT. Intervention started at 2 and ended at Y2 for us.

Exactly this! As I said up thread if a new starter in nursery (true nursery age-just 3) came in with only twenty words, two word sentences, poor eye contact and difficulty following boundaries, they would be signposted to outside agencies for support.

My DS is a few weeks older than yours (although he was due in February).
He speaks in whole paragraphs. Dresses and toilets independently, can ride a two wheeled bike, safely stopping at roads to wait for an adult. He can read simple sentences and is beginning to write them too. He knows mathematical facts such as the factors of 10.
I said I don’t like comparing children op, but I think you need to be aware of what other children are doing at this age.

TeenPlusTwenties · 21/10/2020 14:59

Having a diagnosis / label may help more than you realise.

It might open doors to extra support.
It might making access to specialist provision easier.
It might make getting access to specialist holiday clubs easier.
It might make getting DLA easier.
It might make getting fast pass access on days out easier.
It will mean you can use the 'label' to explain behaviour - 'Sorry he is kicking off he has ASD'.

Honestly, get the assessment done. Flowers

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 15:06

I’m sorry I missed the OP’s follow up posts - @Notyet20208 you really need to engage more with the professionals. He’s four now but he won’t always be - my twins are nearly 12 and still feeling the after effects of delayed speech - and they had none of the other attributes you mention.

I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear. It seems like you wanted support to ignore what you’re being told. I really think you need to rethink your strategy Flowers

QueenofLean · 21/10/2020 15:12

I don’t think comparisons are particularly helpful as all children are different, but at that age mine had been at school for 6 months, could talk fluently, read, do basic addition/subtraction, tell stories, write basic words, ride a bike (two wheeled) and a scooter, and understood all instructions.
You say you don’t believe he has ASD... why is this? It does sound like he may have some of the typical traits.
A diagnosis can help particularly with funding when he’s at school. It can also help with finding the strategies that will best help your son.

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 19:03

I don’t think comparisons are particularly helpful as all children are different

Immediately provides a comparison. Confused

I totally disagree with you on this particular point @QueenofLean

QueenofLean · 21/10/2020 19:04

I totally disagree with you on this particular point @QueenofLean**

Ok that’s fine, you’re allowed.

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 19:06

Thanks for your approval!

1AngelicFruitCake · 21/10/2020 19:11

At this stage I’d be very concerned. Will he go into reception at 5 or straight into Year 1. Don’t let the year slip by without trying to get as much support as possible. I’m an Early Years teacher and often parents see Early Years as unimportant and no big deal and it’s sad to say that children behind in Early Years will struggle to catch up unless something is done to help them.

Serena1977 · 21/10/2020 19:41

You need to take this much more seriously just like you would if the nursery told you he should be assessed if he struggled walking, hearing etc.

Not providing your child with the opportunity to be assessed for whatever condition somebody professional recommends is tantamount to parental failure.

He won't be diagnosed with asd if at assessment, asd is not there.

Why do you think a professional would diagnose asd with no evidence? Why would a nursery recommend assessment if there's not issue? For the chuckle?

Undiagnosed neuro conditions such as asd can lead to mental health problems later.

With a diagnosis you will access more support in school, continence services, paediatrician, financial support through the benefits system, education to help you learn strategies to help him now and for his future.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/10/2020 19:46

Sorry OP but I think you need a full assessment, the speech is very behind, plus can’t dress himself and still in nappies at 4.5?!
My daughter is pretty average at 3 and can do most of those things on your list- dressing herself is a process but if I pass her leggings the right way round she puts them on etc.

IHateCoronavirus · 21/10/2020 20:08

Notyet20208 I’ve just had a thought which might be a useful exercise for you to do with DD. Have you had a look at any of the Oak Academy lessons for DS’s age group? (Rec) try doing some of the activities with him to see how he engages/manages with the listening and attention plus following simple tasks. It will give you an idea if he will need support going up.

Thatwentbadly · 21/10/2020 20:10

I’m not sure how to sugar coat this but I don’t think it should be as you seem very much in denial about how your child’s development compares to his peers. My 4 year old was able to do more just after her second birthday than your child can now. She is fairly bright but not unusual or in the top 10% of her class.

In her reception class all children are toilet trained, they know phase 1 phonics and many are reading very simple books or are learning to blend words. They are learning to count to 100 and to do simple sums eg 7+2=9. They are learning to write numbers and letters and if you asked them to write simple words like cat, cot or toys then can either write them or tell you which letters they would need and find them from a pile of letter cards.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/10/2020 20:17

@Thatwentbadly

. She is fairly bright but not unusual or in the top 10% of her class.

In her reception class all children are toilet trained, they know phase 1 phonics and many are reading very simple books or are learning to blend words. They are learning to count to 100 and to do simple sums eg 7+2=9. They are learning to write numbers and letters and if you asked them to write simple words like cat, cot or toys then can either write them or tell you which letters they would need and find them from a pile of letter card

How would you know all this? A kid may be wearing a nappy under their uniform!
How do you know where your DD is ranking in %?

Thatwentbadly · 21/10/2020 20:23

The nappies bit is fairly obvious- one of her peers was in one last year due to a bowel issue. You can tell when you look at them.

No as a ranking but just when parents post pictures that there child has drawn and labelled or when the kids write in birthday cards to each other it gives you an idea of where the children are at with writing.

1AngelicFruitCake · 21/10/2020 20:35

Thatwentbadly

You have no real idea of how many accidents children are having, children who can/can’t sound words out, write etc.
Children writing in cards could be done with lots of help so not a testament to what they can do. The range in reception is massive.
Also I know of some children who were academically clever, very social, great at sports, articulate etc but this isn’t typical! Usually children have areas they need to work on! Some bright children i know of have parents who think their child is bright but have no real understanding their child has weaknesses. Sorry gone off on a tangent!

Oatbaroatbar · 21/10/2020 20:59

Also on a tangent- it’s annoying when people exaggerate with claims about how well their child is doing compared to the rest of the class - as a parent you just wouldn’t know this so why lie?!