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What can your 4yr old do ?

77 replies

Notyet20208 · 20/10/2020 19:02

My ds whos 4 ( 5 in February) seems behind in some ways so i thought id see what others do.
Only says 20 words and two word sentences such as want milk.
Stil draws lines etc
Hits out at me and siblings
Very very active never sits down.
Cant be trusted on scooter outside as he has no road safety. Will go on to road while im telling him not to etc.
He can count to 10 and say colours.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 20/10/2020 19:48

I'd be pushing for an assessment. My 4yo can be unreliable on roads and counting. Pictures are starting to be drawn. Can dress herself, if she feels like it. But the speech, she can talk like a small adult at times. Reasoned argument, negotiating etc.

IHateCoronavirus · 20/10/2020 19:49

I’m also curious why you decided against the ASD assessment. If you have the chance again do it ASAP, the sooner support is there for him the better, especially before he starts school.
Op I have been an early years teacher for many, many years and the language especially would be a massive red flag for me, even for a nursery starter.
Counting to ten in itself tells very little. Does he understand what the numbers 0-10 represent? In other words if you showed him five bricks would he be able to count them accurately, would he be able to find the corresponding numeral?

Leigh1975 · 20/10/2020 19:53

My boy is 4 in Jan , he can meet his needs with his speech but can't really tell me about his day if that makes sense ... he can count to twenty .. but his understanding is behind.. he has no road sense and is very fast so will run and won't tend to walk ... he is currently being assessed for Asd , add he doesn't smack others and can be very loving , but often can he in his own worlld ,, his friendship building has becoming better since he started speaking more .. he is still in nappies and I'm struggling with the toilet training.. but he will go eventually I guess .. children are different and I try not to compare , there's to many expectations which put you under pressure .. I'm sure he will come on in his own time .. but there no harm getting support if needed

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Notyet20208 · 20/10/2020 19:54

Hes beem at nursery since about 13 months and they have expressed concern which is why hes been seen by quite a number of professionals. In Scotland children born in January and February can apply for a automatic deferral. I dont believe he has autism so after being told that at a formal assessment he will most likely be diagnosed so i didn't see the point.

OP posts:
icelollies · 20/10/2020 19:58

My Ds just turned 4 and he can do the same as your DS, but is very chatty - can use whole sentences appropriately and has a good vocabulary.

There is a big difference though between what he can do and what he is willing to do!!

To me your DS sounds like he is struggling with his language. It might come with time - likely, or he may just need a little help. it would probably be worth mentioning to your GP if you are concerned?

Zippy1510 · 20/10/2020 19:59

I would get an assessment. My just turned 3 year old can have a basic conversation, count to 10 and will safely ride his balance bike as we walk along the road.

Notyet20208 · 20/10/2020 19:59

All the professionals that he sees treat him like he has autism so there are supports there but without the label

OP posts:
KylieKangaroo · 20/10/2020 19:59

I think you did the right thing in keeping him back from school, it sounds like he needs to be tested and something put in place to help him. Hope you are okay, must be so stressful for you Sad

Samster1815 · 20/10/2020 20:00

My 4 year old just started reception.
She sounded very similar to your son until around 6 months ago. She was also in speech therapy.
However since lockdown she’s come on quite a lot.

She can count to 100 but only up, not down. She loves the Numberblocks and I think this is why.

She Understands simple addition and subtraction (if you have 2 sweets and I take two, how many are left etc)

She understands her letter sounds but is not yet blending them into words (this has only been starting school)

We found using story dice to make up stories and having a constant running commentary worked. I literally talked about everything I was doing and saying all the time, making up songs and stories.

OverTheRainbow88 · 20/10/2020 20:01

I wouldn’t focus on being ‘labelled’ as such, I would focus on getting the help he needs.

He does sound like he has a lot of traits that someone with autism has.

IHateCoronavirus · 20/10/2020 20:04

Op developmentally where have nursery assessed him as being?

Mylittlepony374 · 20/10/2020 20:08

I know it's really tough to hear but it does sound like he does have some traits that may suggest ASD. In your situation I would accept formal assessment. The demands on him will only increase when he does go to school, so it's important to get help now to make sure he can succeed there.

happylittlechick · 20/10/2020 20:10

The label will help him access support at school. I would push for a diagnosis

ThePurpleMoose · 20/10/2020 20:11

I work in a relevant field. Getting your son a formal ASC assessment shouldn't be a prerequisite to him accessing additional support in school, although it may help others to understand his needs if he is diagnosed. Is he in a nursery now? If not, I would seriously consider sending him (or seeing if you can get him a school place) - they can start a plan to support him (will be called something like a My Support Plan) with input from your Speech & Language Therapist, which can be reviewed and then submitted to apply for an Education Health & Care Plan (EHCP) which will provide additional funding for the support he will need based on your description.

Whatever you do, don't just wait - early intervention is key for language needs, and with the right support many children make great progress (not saying that he won't have ongoing needs as this is quite possible, again based on your description). Please access the support that is available for him.

tempnamechange98765 · 20/10/2020 20:11

I agree OP, it must be very hard to hear but a diagnosis is just the formality in order to get the support he may need. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't like the sound of the label - it's not something to be ashamed of, but if you're not ready to label him in that way then there's no need to.

gingajewel · 20/10/2020 20:13

I mean this really gently but yes he does sound behind and I would seek for a diagnosis as it will open doors for you in the future.
By four they should have excess of 100 words and should be able to communicate in sentences, my lo is doing phonics at school and can spell out three letter words, she can write her name and some three letter words and at four they should be able to count to 20. They should be able to recognise there name aswell.
I think things like road safety and wiping their own but comes with time and practice, you need to be consistent in teaching them.
I really do think you should consider again a diagnosis if it truly is autism etc, you may need this diagnosis as he gets older.

IHateCoronavirus · 20/10/2020 20:21

In private nurseries that ratios are a lot more favourable than they are at school too. At the moment he can be afforded the help without the ‘label’ by the time he gets to school that won’t be the case.
A label will not change who your son is op. It won’t change all of the special things your child is to you, but it will make sure a bit of money is put aside to make his school life that but more adapted to his needs.
I don’t agree with comparing what children can do at this age, there are just too many factors which impact on development. I could tell you what my January born 4 year old DS can do, but that is not helpful to anyone.
You have however got professionals, who work with and have worked with a great number of children saying to you, we are concerned about ASD, this level/pattern of development is below the normal range, in the interests of your child work with them.
Obviously I can’t see your little one, but going off the information here alone, and presuming neglect was not a factor I would be thinking ASD or another communicative disorder. Occasionally, however, we do get children who are significantly developmentally delayed during to neglect Sad

SomethingNastyintheBallPool · 20/10/2020 20:29

OP, I’m going to give it to you straight. My DD has Down’s syndrome, autism and suspected ADHD. At 5, she had way more than 20 words, knew the alphabet, could count to 30, read some CVC words. My DD is very delayed. Your child is also very delayed.

My DD was diagnosed with autism at 3. The “label” has only been helpful - it’s opened up areas of support that wouldn’t otherwise have been available and influenced the strategies school use to help her learn.

Whether your son has ASD or a global delay, you owe it to him to get as much support for him as you can, as early intervention has been shown to make a huge difference to a child’s development.

JuliaJohnston · 20/10/2020 20:32

You must know his speech is radically delayed? I can't see how a list of what other 4 year old's can do, even if they were to be comprehensive, would be remotely helpful.

Is he having any input for his speech delay?

JuliaJohnston · 20/10/2020 20:37

I'm sorry, op, I didn't refresh and the thread has moved on... Apologies

Kpo58 · 20/10/2020 20:39

I would see if your nursery can help apply for an EHCP for your son especially as he's so far behind on language.

I went down this route with my DD and have managed to get her into a school with a speech and language unit attached.

Sceptre86 · 20/10/2020 20:47

My 4 year old can count to 20 and recognise the numbers backwards and forwards. She knows the alphabet and recognises the letters out of sequence. She knows her phonics and can read early readers books. She will explain what she thinks is happening. She can write the number 1 and 10. She has recently started drawing people, think a stick with a circle on it for a face. She can spell her name, her brothers and three letter words. We are working on phase 4 and 5 phonics.
She can pick out rhyming words from a list and do join the dot patterns. She also knows her colours, 2d shapes and can name many animals.

She can use a scooter, do forward roly polys and jump. She can run but can't skip. She has recently started to hop.

She can put on her own underwear and leggings. She can't put her top, socks or shoes on. She can take her coat off but not put it on.

She now talks a lot but it doesn't always make a lot of sense. She can understand instructions but rarely follows them and is away with the fairies a lot of the time. I think she is physically behind her peers. Pre covid I was taking her to softplay so she could make her muscles stringer and practice climbing and pulling herself up which she has always struggled with. She cannot ride a bike yet, can't seem to mange the pedals.

I thought she would need speech therapy and she had been referred before covid but we spent a lot of time talking one on one and building her confidence which seems to have helped. Her preschool no longer think she needs it.

I would speak to school about speech therapy, maybe a health visitor too. Can you check if you can self refer? Many kids come along at their own pace but if you are concerned, definitely seek help.

BlankTimes · 20/10/2020 21:14

Just out of interest, which other medical diagnoses do you consider are labels that you wouldn't allow your child to have?

You're being asked to take him for assessment.

Just like every other assessment done by qualified medical professionals, if he does not meet the criteria, he will not be given the diagnosis.

Why are you so opposed to helping your child?

mscongeniality · 20/10/2020 22:06

Op I don't want to be harsh but I think you should go ahead with the assessment as it might open up other avenues of help and maybe help you understand his needs better.

My son is 5 and has an undiagnosed language delay/disorder which I have asked my GP to refer him for. Academically he is doing fine but he realy struggles with communication at school and that's with him being able to talk in full sentences. You son has much less speech unfortunately so I think you need to find out what school setting will suit him best once he's been assessed.

All the bestThanks

diddlediddle · 20/10/2020 22:14

OP this is blunt but your description is of a child with a neurodevelopmental condition (autism and/or a learning disability).

Getting a diagnosis will help you and him immeasurably. Not getting one won't make the issue go away. Good luck.