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Original poster

Uniform, separated parents

43 replies

dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:34

So, there may be an obvious solution but I'm yet to find it.

Me and kids dad share them, certain days I drop them off and he picks up and vice versa, so we don't have to see each other basically. He's a narcissist and was emotionally abusive to me, still is now when given the chance, so not a reasonable person to talk to.
Because of Covid, on pe days they have to go in dressed in their pe kit, the problem is, on those days I pick them up, and end up with no uniform for them. When they went back to school both me and their dad bought uniform. But somehow it keeps ending up at his and I end up with none. I can't keep buying it obviously. What can I do?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 20/10/2020 14:35

Ask for some back?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2020 14:35

It depends on how you're splitting the dropping and collecting. Do you not do any pick ups?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2020 14:37

How many days a week are they in PE kit?

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dementedpixie · 20/10/2020 14:37

She said she did pick ups but on some days they have gone in with PE kit rather than uniform so no uniform for the next day

bethany39 · 20/10/2020 14:38

Surely he has the same problem in that you end up with all the PE kit?

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:38

2 days in p.e kit.

Obviously I have asked for them back, but he won't give them back! I do pick ups and drop offs too, but I end up picking them up on mostly their p.e days so end up with no uniform, and have to send them in the next day in the uniform!

OP posts:
WankPuffins · 20/10/2020 14:38

Agh, what a pain for you! Are the days They are with him set or are they different each week?

If the days are set in stone then maybe it would be easier to keep to a routine with the uniform.

Don’t ask me how though Confused

Maybe they days that you have dropped them off in school uniform and the next day you pick them up in PE kit (with them with him the night in between) he could bag up the uniform they were wearing and send it with them to school so they could bring it to your house.

Lord knows actually OP, I’m sleep deprived and it’s making my brain hurt!

Findahouse21 · 20/10/2020 14:39

How old are DC? Are they old enough to stick worn uniform back in their bags for it to be washed at your house?

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:40

Yes @bethany39 except I'm reasonable and give the p.e kits back.

OP posts:
Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:40

@dementedpixie That's exactly the problem 😩

OP posts:
WankPuffins · 20/10/2020 14:40

My ex is a tosser as well so I appreciate it’s not as easy as working it out with him.

EatDrinkAndBeFat · 20/10/2020 14:40

On the days they are due at their dads, Could you offer to pick them up from school and get them changed before they go to their dads?

The obvious answer is to ask him for the uniform back, however, I know first hand how stubborn a man like this can be, so that's maybe not an option.

How old are your DC? Could they pack their uniform themselves to bring it back to you?

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:41

I've asked him too many times @WankPuffins and he just doesn't send it back 😩

OP posts:
ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 20/10/2020 14:42

Could you ask him to put it in a bag outside your door? We do that sometimes.

You have my full sympathy. Luckily xh and I communicate ok but it’s necessary virtually daily. I have no idea how separated parents cope otherwise, you must end up needing two of everything in case you can’t get it back, and school receiving two replies to emails etc if both parents reply in case the other one hasn’t.

I’ve found it an administrative nightmare and that’s with good communication. Flowers

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:42

My 11 year old definitely could pack her uniform yes, the 7 year old and 6 year old wouldn't though... although I could ask my 11 year old to make sure she packs theirs, sounds a bit mean relying on her though.

OP posts:
ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 20/10/2020 14:43

Sorry x posted about him bringing it back.

EatDrinkAndBeFat · 20/10/2020 14:44

I know what you are saying about relying on the 11yo, but it will take 5 minutes before bed to throw everything in a bag.

Could you maybe get the younger ones a fancy bag, so that they can use it as a special bag for uniform only?

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 20/10/2020 14:44

I’m feeling really angry with him as I can imagine what it must be like for you

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:44

Normally set days @WankPuffins but there are odd days where I've had to drop off unexpectedly or pick up.

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 20/10/2020 14:45

Don’t send the PE kit back. I get that you are putting the kids first but he needs to experience this from the other side.

Original poster
dinomumm · 20/10/2020 14:45

@EatDrinkAndBeFat yes I could try that, that's why I posted here I was hoping someone might think of ideas I haven't, but yes that's an option I'll chat to my eldest about it

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2020 14:46

@dinomumm

My 11 year old definitely could pack her uniform yes, the 7 year old and 6 year old wouldn't though... although I could ask my 11 year old to make sure she packs theirs, sounds a bit mean relying on her though.
I think the only answer is to do this assuming 11 yo won't get shouted at by Dad. I'm sure you can say thank you in a way she appreciates for being so grown up

The other option is to swap a day so your picking up after PE 1 day each so keep one PE kit each?

pastandpresent · 20/10/2020 14:46

I think only solution is to ask your 11 years old dd to supervise younger children to pack their uniforms. Or else you need to keep buying if he is not returning, or you can't go there to pick them up.

Changethetoner · 20/10/2020 14:51

It seems mean to withhold the PE kits though, as it is the children who will get into trouble at school if they don't have it. I don't think this is the solution.

Changethetoner · 20/10/2020 14:52

How strict is the uniform? Can you buy a bunch of cheap polo shirts in the right colour, so at least they have something to wear.

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