How do I make ds a good loser?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Ds5 can't bear to lose or come second at anything. Even coming down the stairs ahead of him can result in hysterics and tears, and when he's really overcome hitting himself in the face

He lost at sleeping Tigers at school today and got so upset he hot himself in the face , school must think we're awful parents and I'm worried they'll assume we're violent too

How do I teach him to be a good loser? Cos all my parenting to date has clearly been a failure

@AntiSocialDistancer

Re - fine motor skills does he have hypermobility? Fingers bend back further than they should for example? Or elbow joint extends further than you would think?

Not that I've noticed, I think he's just a bit behind the class in some areas still. He started nursery at 3 at leaat 12 months behind his class mates across the board, and started Reception behind in most areas. Last report for Reception he was at expected level in everything but self care (not toilet trained, under investigation), speech (under speech therapy), and some stuff about his imagination (he can be quite rigid, so Sonic can't be in a Thomas The Tank story for example, and he doesn't like show episodes being told with new bits added etc). His fine motor has been behind since the very first assessment at 6 months

I’m assuming as he has 1-1 in school that he has known / diagnosed issues. Your average 4/5 year old will often find losing hard, the hitting himself is a little more unusual, but working in a nursery / reception setting in the past I’ve come across the occasional neurotypical / no additional needs kid who does similar and are just a little late in maturing, so try not to worry too much, and all the pp have given good strategies for helping him

Thanks.

He's on perm O2 so has a 121 for that although she helps with other things like toileting as he's in nappies, speech therapy etc.

Had one today where the tablet died (he'd pulled the charger out and was chewing on it) and he got himself in frustration and upset. I tried the "pretending were each other game" to distract him or try to get him to think of a solution but DH for it plugged in quickly, meeting him off today as we spent a few hours in a&e and came home with glue and sterastrips. Poor K looks like he's been in a right punch up (with the floor. and lost)

Oh no! You poor things. Sounds really tough for all of you

He fine, bounced in to school and normal, can't hurt to brush as he's happily shown his teachers on request. Looks like he lost a brawl tho.

Anyway, school know now about him hitting himself at home, and the paediatrician is going to look into help. She's also gonna try and get some help with fine motor skills as I think that will make a huge difference with enjoying school of he's not spending breaktimes having to catch up

Playing lots of games helps (as other suggested) but I also found WHEN we played mattered - so trying to encourage being a good loser when he was tired/unwell/already on the edge will probably be unsuccesful. Instead, with mine, I deliberately kept games for when they werent overtired and generally in a good mood. Of course there are still tantrums - but its easier to encourage them not to tantrum then. Late at night with mine I sometimes elt like he was looking for a reason to tantrum and the game provided that if that makes sense.

Oh, also mine hates it when I mimis him but if I tell him a story about my day/me in the past which includes a similar issue he responds well. So, for example, this isnt a board game related thing but mine was really cross when I picked him up from his after school - he'd been working on a picture but then he decided he'd "ruined it" because he'd coloured in something a bit wrong so then he'd torn the picture up and now he was angry because hed spent all afternoon working on the picture and it was RUINED (ffs).
So I said "I know exactly what you mean, I spent ages at work today working on a spreadsheet and I forgot to save it and then my computer crashed and I lost all of it. I was really really cross (stamps foot) but then I re-did it and it was even better than before"
It sounds really clunky but its a good way of acknowledging that they are cross, and giving them a way to make it better, without directly telling them which my son hates

I have the same aged 4. The stairs thing is an issue with lots of crying if the dog beats him up down. Or if the dogs gets to the front door first. Even the dog holds back now I also say dog wasn't in the race, doesn't count. I have resorted on occasions to when saying right we are going home then if you do it again and I only give one chance and then follow it through . Not my finest parenting.

With games we have winner 1 gold and winner 2 silver and winner 3 bronze, because a medal is something to be very proud of. We have to tread carefully, but seems to work. Especially oh I can't wait to see who winner 2 is, keep playing. It's hard work, as it goes my DS had a speech delay so don't know whether it's some frustration of the past that comes through.

Oh god not the dog too 🤣 sounds like you're doing a grand job tho.
And yes, the speech delay is Def a factor I think, it must be so frustrating when people can't understand you but can everyone else in class. Is yours getting speech therapy? We were pre lock down... I find one of the problems now is he speaks really fast (like me haha) so it's just unclarified sounds at times.