Do you discuss big purchases with your partner?

[DotTheCaddy]

How do people deal with situations where one person in the marriage wants to spend a fairly large sum of money (approx £15K) and the other person isnt keen?

It depends on whose money it is. Ie, we both came to the relationship with our own assets and earn similar amounts which we put a chunk of in to the house account and a chunk in to our savings.

If DH wanted to buy a motorbike or something out of his money, then go for it.

If he wanted to spend £15k from the joint account on getting the driveway repaved I’d be pretty bloody pissed off if he didn’t speak to me first.

£15k deserves to be discussed.

I'd be pretty peeved if DH rocked up with a motorbike or something without discussing regardless of where the money came from.
Because that's a time thing. When if he going to have time to use it without taking time away from the kids. Then it becomes a massive bit of cupboard / garage clutter.

I would be miffed if my partner spent 15k without me knowing, especially if it was a spend I wasn’t in agreement with

If one really doesn’t want to then we don’t do it, all our money is joint. The only exception we’ve ever had was the amount that DH spent on his last car, which was 3 times what we’d normally spend on a new car and I wasn’t keen but it was funded from his dads inheritance so up to him.

Day to day, we have our own money that we can do whatever we want with, but £15k is definitely in the big money category (for us), so we would discuss it.

I discuss £50, let alone £15k.

15k needs to be discussed. Where's it coming from savings, someone's bonus, inheritance?

I'd be utterly flummoxed and livid of DH spent 15k without discussion

We have everything joint and
He'd have to take out loans

What has he done op?

Who's money, how adorable is that 15k and what is the item?

If DH wanted to use the entire joint savings to buy himself a bike, that would be entirely different to him using him own savings or him using the joint savings on something vital for the house.

However I think if it's joint money and non essential, then the no wind over the yes

Surely it depends on how you arrange your finances? & how significant £15,000 is to your finances.

I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where, broadly speaking, we didn't have similar values around certain things, money being one of them.

£15k is a lot of money to almost everyone I'd have thought. Premiership footballer maybe not but. Yeah it's a lot of money.

we'd discuss any non-essential purchases let alone spending 15k on something.

In my relationship neither of us would spend that sum without the other one's agreement.

That said, we both try to appreciate each other's wishes, so if dp wants a bit of tech or I want pets or craft stuff, the conversation would generally be about how or when we could afford in rather than saying no just because it isn't something we both value.

If a large amount of money then yes we would discuss, but then we have joint accounts rather than individual so all of our money goes into 1 pot so to speak

It really depends how you manage your finances but I imagine for most people it would definitely warrant a discussion at least

£15K is a lot of money!!

Yes.
Far less than 15k!

A sum that huge really needs agreement. Unless the couple have totally separate finances and they can spend £15k without it impacting on the family in any way!

It really depends what it is, what the benefits are and how it will impact on the family

It's for a new car. Theres nothing wrong with our current car though.

Our savings are in joint names and we both top it up each month. He earns more than me and had more savings before we got married, so hes probably contributed more overall but it'd be pretty difficult at this point to untangle. We haven't really tried though, up until now we've both been on the same page that it's just joint.

He seems to think it's fine because he will top it back up, but I'm just uncomfortable dropping that much money on something we dont really need at the moment. He seems miffed that I dont want him to spend money that hes earned as well. I dont really know the right answer.

We each earn our own money and contribute equitably to the household bills. After that our money is our own and I wouldn’t expect to discuss my purchases with DP whatever the size, nor he with me. It works for us fine.

I imagine it would be different if everything goes into a joint account, though.

**Top it back up over time obviously which will take a good few years.

Could you compromise? You can get a nice car for far less than £15,000

If he earns more and can afford the car from his own earnings and savings then honestly I think that way resentment lies. I can’t imagine earning the lion’s share of the household income and still being told how I could and couldn’t spend my money.

That's what I've said @VettiyaIruken, especially if we trade in our current car. But hes really keen on getting a higher spec one. I understand he wants something bigger and more comfortable as hes quite tall and does most of the driving, but it just feels excessive.

I'd say anything over maybe 1000 or so gets discussed in our house. Not a rule, but just seems to happen that way. I wouldn't spend 15,000 without agreement. I hope he wouldn't either.

TBH anything over a hundred quid out of the joint account we discuss, even though the discussion's usually limited to
"I quite fancy x"
"cool"

I think the (entirely justifiable) desire to make the odd self-indulgent purchase is a good reason not to pool all of your money though. Over lockdown DH has bought an expensive bike, but out of his own spends, so it has nothing to do with me.

@ComtesseDeSpair that's what I'm conscious of. I really dont want to be controlling.

We don't pool all our money though, just our savings and we have a joint account we both pay into for household stuff and the rest we both spend however we want.